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931
"
I
have
a
room
"
932
She
looked
at
me
with
new
respect
.
"
Well
,
that
s
fine
.
"
933
Still
nothing
.
And
that
in
itself
was
curious
.
How
far
could
I
go
without
being
overwhelmed
by
symptoms
of
panic
?
When
we
were
alone
in
the
room
?
When
she
undressed
?
When
I
saw
her
body
?
When
we
were
lying
together
?
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934
Suddenly
,
it
was
important
to
know
if
I
could
be
like
other
men
,
if
I
could
ever
ask
a
woman
to
share
a
life
with
me
.
Having
intelligence
and
knowledge
wasn
t
enough
.
I
wanted
this
,
too
.
The
sense
of
release
and
looseness
was
strong
now
with
the
feeling
that
it
was
possible
.
935
The
ex
­
citement
that
came
over
me
when
I
kissed
her
again
com
­
municated
itself
,
and
I
was
sure
I
could
be
normal
with
her
.
She
was
different
from
Alice
.
She
was
the
kind
of
woman
who
had
been
around
.
936
Then
her
voice
changed
,
uncertain
.
"
Before
we
go
.
.
.
Just
one
thing
.
.
.
"
She
stood
up
and
took
a
step
toward
me
in
the
spray
of
lamplight
,
opening
her
coat
,
and
I
could
see
the
shape
of
her
body
as
I
had
not
imagined
it
all
the
time
we
were
sitting
next
to
each
other
in
the
shadows
.
"
Only
the
fifth
month
,
"
she
said
.
"
It
doesn
t
make
any
difference
.
You
don
t
mind
,
do
you
?
"
937
Standing
there
with
her
coat
open
,
she
was
superim
­
posed
as
a
double
exposure
on
the
picture
of
the
middle
-
aged
woman
just
out
of
the
bathtub
,
holding
open
her
bathrobe
for
Charlie
to
see
.
And
I
waited
,
as
a
blasphemer
waits
for
lightning
.
I
looked
away
.
It
was
the
last
thing
I
had
expected
,
but
the
coat
wrapped
tightly
around
her
on
such
a
hot
night
should
have
warned
me
that
something
was
wrong
.
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938
"
It
s
not
my
husband
s
,
"
she
assured
me
.
"
I
wasn
t
lying
to
you
about
what
I
said
before
.
I
haven
t
seen
him
for
years
.
It
was
a
salesman
I
met
about
eight
months
ago
.
I
was
living
with
him
.
I
m
not
going
to
see
him
any
more
,
but
I
m
going
to
keep
the
baby
.
We
ve
just
got
to
be
care
­
ful
not
rough
or
anything
like
that
.
But
otherwise
you
don
t
have
to
worry
.
"
939
Her
voice
ran
down
when
she
saw
my
anger
.
"
That
s
filthy
!
"
I
shouted
.
"
You
ought
to
be
ashamed
of
yourself
.
"
940
She
drew
away
,
wrapping
her
coat
quickly
around
her
to
protect
what
lay
within
.