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- Даниэл Киз
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Our
relationship
is
becoming
increasingly
strained
.
I
resent
Nemur
’
s
constant
references
to
me
as
a
laboratory
specimen
.
He
makes
me
feel
that
before
the
experiment
I
was
not
really
a
human
being
.
I
told
Strauss
that
I
was
too
involved
in
thinking
,
reading
,
and
digging
into
myself
,
trying
to
understand
who
and
what
I
am
,
and
that
writing
was
such
a
slow
process
it
made
me
impatient
to
get
my
ideas
down
.
I
fol
lowed
his
suggestion
that
I
learn
to
type
,
and
now
that
I
can
type
nearly
seventy
-
five
words
a
minute
,
it
’
s
easier
to
get
it
all
down
on
paper
.
Strauss
again
brought
up
my
need
to
speak
and
write
simply
and
directly
so
that
people
will
understand
me
.
He
reminds
me
that
language
is
sometimes
a
barrier
instead
of
a
pathway
.
Ironic
to
find
myself
on
the
other
side
of
the
in
tellectual
fence
.
I
see
Alice
occasionally
,
but
we
don
’
t
discuss
what
hap
pened
.
Our
relationship
remains
platonic
.
But
for
three
nights
after
I
left
the
bakery
there
were
the
nightmares
.
Hard
to
believe
it
was
two
weeks
ago
.
I
am
pursued
down
the
empty
streets
at
night
by
ghostly
figures
.
Though
I
always
run
to
the
bakery
,
the
door
is
locked
,
and
the
people
inside
never
turn
to
look
at
me
.
Through
the
window
,
the
bride
and
groom
on
the
wedding
cake
point
at
me
and
laugh
—
the
air
becomes
charged
with
laughter
until
I
can
’
t
stand
it
—
and
the
two
cupids
wave
their
flaming
arrows
.
I
scream
.
I
pound
on
the
door
,
but
there
is
no
sound
.
I
see
Charlie
staring
back
at
me
from
inside
.
Is
it
only
a
reflection
?
Things
clutch
at
my
legs
and
drag
me
away
from
the
bakery
down
into
the
shadows
of
the
alleyway
,
and
just
as
they
begin
to
ooze
all
over
me
I
wake
up
.
Other
times
the
window
of
the
bakery
opens
into
the
past
and
looking
through
it
I
see
other
things
and
other
people
.
It
’
s
astonishing
how
my
power
of
recall
is
developing
.
I
cannot
control
it
completely
yet
,
but
sometimes
when
I
’
m
busy
reading
or
working
on
a
problem
,
I
get
a
feeling
of
intense
clarity
.
I
know
it
’
s
some
kind
of
subconscious
warning
signal
,
and
now
instead
of
waiting
for
the
memory
to
come
to
me
,
I
close
my
eyes
and
reach
out
for
it
.
Eventually
,
I
’
ll
be
able
to
bring
this
recall
completely
under
control
,
to
ex
plore
not
only
the
sum
of
my
past
experiences
,
but
also
all
of
the
untapped
faculties
of
the
mind
.
Even
now
,
as
I
think
about
it
,
I
feel
the
sharp
stillness
.
I
see
the
bakery
window
.
.
.
reach
out
and
touch
it
.
.
.
cold
and
vibrating
,
and
then
the
glass
becomes
warm
.
.
.
hot
ter
.
.
.
fingers
burning
.
