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- Даниэл Киз
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I
was
furious
at
her
,
myself
,
and
the
world
,
but
by
the
time
I
got
home
,
I
realized
she
was
right
.
Now
,
I
don
’
t
know
whether
she
cares
for
me
or
if
she
was
just
being
kind
.
What
could
she
possibly
see
in
me
?
What
makes
it
so
awkward
is
that
I
’
ve
never
experienced
anything
like
this
before
.
How
does
a
person
go
about
learning
how
to
act
toward
another
person
?
How
does
a
man
learn
how
to
be
have
toward
a
woman
?
The
books
don
’
t
help
much
.
But
next
time
,
I
’
m
going
to
kiss
her
good
night
.
May
3
One
of
the
things
that
confuses
me
is
never
really
knowing
when
something
comes
up
from
my
past
,
whether
it
really
happened
that
way
,
or
if
that
was
the
way
it
seemed
to
be
at
the
time
,
or
if
I
’
m
inventing
it
.
I
’
m
like
a
man
who
’
s
been
half
-
asleep
all
his
life
,
trying
to
find
out
what
he
was
like
before
he
woke
up
.
Everything
is
strangely
slow
-
motion
and
blurred
.
I
had
a
nightmare
last
night
,
and
when
I
woke
up
I
re
membered
something
.
First
the
nightmare
:
I
’
m
running
down
a
long
cor
ridor
,
half
blinded
by
the
swirls
of
dust
.
At
times
I
run
forward
and
then
I
float
around
and
run
backwards
,
but
I
’
m
afraid
because
I
’
m
hiding
something
in
my
pocket
.
I
don
’
t
know
what
it
is
or
where
I
got
it
,
but
I
know
they
want
to
take
it
away
from
me
and
that
fright
ens
me
.
The
wall
breaks
down
and
suddenly
there
is
a
red
-
haired
girl
with
her
arms
outstretched
to
me
—
her
face
is
a
blank
mask
.
She
takes
me
into
her
arms
,
kisses
and
caresses
me
,
and
I
want
to
hold
her
tightly
but
I
’
m
afraid
.
The
more
she
touches
me
,
the
more
frightened
I
become
be
cause
I
know
I
must
never
touch
a
girl
.
Then
,
as
her
body
rubs
up
against
mine
,
I
feel
a
strange
bubbling
and
throb
bing
inside
me
that
makes
me
warm
.
But
when
I
look
up
I
see
a
bloody
knife
in
her
hands
.
I
try
to
scream
as
I
run
,
but
no
sound
comes
out
of
my
throat
,
and
my
pockets
are
empty
.
I
search
in
my
pockets
but
I
don
’
t
know
what
it
is
I
’
ve
lost
or
why
I
was
hiding
it
.
I
know
only
that
it
’
s
gone
,
and
there
is
blood
on
my
hands
too
.
