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- Чарльз Диккенс
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- Стр. 612/761
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I
saw
directly
that
they
had
taken
me
in
for
the
sake
of
the
dead
woman
,
whoever
she
was
,
and
to
have
that
boast
of
me
and
advantage
of
me
;
I
saw
,
in
the
nurse
’
s
knowledge
of
it
,
an
encouragement
to
goad
me
as
she
had
done
;
and
I
saw
,
in
the
children
’
s
shrinking
away
,
a
vague
impression
,
that
I
was
not
like
other
people
.
I
left
that
house
that
night
.
After
one
or
two
short
and
very
similar
experiences
,
which
are
not
to
the
present
purpose
,
I
entered
another
family
where
I
had
but
one
pupil
:
a
girl
of
fifteen
,
who
was
the
only
daughter
.
The
parents
here
were
elderly
people
:
people
of
station
,
and
rich
.
A
nephew
whom
they
had
brought
up
was
a
frequent
visitor
at
the
house
,
among
many
other
visitors
;
and
he
began
to
pay
me
attention
.
I
was
resolute
in
repulsing
him
;
for
I
had
determined
when
I
went
there
,
that
no
one
should
pity
me
or
condescend
to
me
.
But
he
wrote
me
a
letter
.
It
led
to
our
being
engaged
to
be
married
.
He
was
a
year
younger
than
I
,
and
young
-
looking
even
when
that
allowance
was
made
.
He
was
on
absence
from
India
,
where
he
had
a
post
that
was
soon
to
grow
into
a
very
good
one
.
In
six
months
we
were
to
be
married
,
and
were
to
go
to
India
.
I
was
to
stay
in
the
house
,
and
was
to
be
married
from
the
house
.
Nobody
objected
to
any
part
of
the
plan
.
I
cannot
avoid
saying
he
admired
me
;
but
,
if
I
could
,
I
would
.
Vanity
has
nothing
to
do
with
the
declaration
,
for
his
admiration
worried
me
.
He
took
no
pains
to
hide
it
;
and
caused
me
to
feel
among
the
rich
people
as
if
he
had
bought
me
for
my
looks
,
and
made
a
show
of
his
purchase
to
justify
himself
.
They
appraised
me
in
their
own
minds
,
I
saw
,
and
were
curious
to
ascertain
what
my
full
value
was
.
I
resolved
that
they
should
not
know
.
I
was
immovable
and
silent
before
them
;
and
would
have
suffered
any
one
of
them
to
kill
me
sooner
than
I
would
have
laid
myself
out
to
bespeak
their
approval
.
He
told
me
I
did
not
do
myself
justice
.
I
told
him
I
did
,
and
it
was
because
I
did
and
meant
to
do
so
to
the
last
,
that
I
would
not
stoop
to
propitiate
any
of
them
.
He
was
concerned
and
even
shocked
,
when
I
added
that
I
wished
he
would
not
parade
his
attachment
before
them
;
but
he
said
he
would
sacrifice
even
the
honest
impulses
of
his
affection
to
my
peace
.
Under
that
pretence
he
began
to
retort
upon
me
.
By
the
hour
together
,
he
would
keep
at
a
distance
from
me
,
talking
to
any
one
rather
than
to
me
.
I
have
sat
alone
and
unnoticed
,
half
an
evening
,
while
he
conversed
with
his
young
cousin
,
my
pupil
.
I
have
seen
all
the
while
,
in
people
’
s
eyes
,
that
they
thought
the
two
looked
nearer
on
an
equality
than
he
and
I
.
I
have
sat
,
divining
their
thoughts
,
until
I
have
felt
that
his
young
appearance
made
me
ridiculous
,
and
have
raged
against
myself
for
ever
loving
him
.
For
I
did
love
him
once
.
Undeserving
as
he
was
,
and
little
as
he
thought
of
all
these
agonies
that
it
cost
me
—
agonies
which
should
have
made
him
wholly
and
gratefully
mine
to
his
life
’
s
end
—
I
loved
him
.
I
bore
with
his
cousin
’
s
praising
him
to
my
face
,
and
with
her
pretending
to
think
that
it
pleased
me
,
but
full
well
knowing
that
it
rankled
in
my
breast
;
for
his
sake
.
While
I
have
sat
in
his
presence
recalling
all
my
slights
and
wrongs
,
and
deliberating
whether
I
should
not
fly
from
the
house
at
once
and
never
see
him
again
—
I
have
loved
him
.
His
aunt
(
my
Mistress
you
will
please
to
remember
)
deliberately
,
wilfully
,
added
to
my
trials
and
vexations
.
It
was
her
delight
to
expatiate
on
the
style
in
which
we
were
to
live
in
India
,
and
on
the
establishment
we
should
keep
,
and
the
company
we
should
entertain
when
he
got
his
advancement
.
My
pride
rose
against
this
barefaced
way
of
pointing
out
the
contrast
my
married
life
was
to
present
to
my
then
dependent
and
inferior
position
.
I
suppressed
my
indignation
;
but
I
showed
her
that
her
intention
was
not
lost
upon
me
,
and
I
repaid
her
annoyance
by
affecting
humility
.
What
she
described
would
surely
be
a
great
deal
too
much
honour
for
me
,
I
would
tell
her
.
I
was
afraid
I
might
not
be
able
to
support
so
great
a
change
.
Think
of
a
mere
governess
,
her
daughter
’
s
governess
,
coming
to
that
high
distinction
!
It
made
her
uneasy
,
and
made
them
all
uneasy
,
when
I
answered
in
this
way
.
They
knew
that
I
fully
understood
her
.
