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- Чарльз Диккенс
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- Стр. 382/761
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There
was
Mr
Tite
Barnacle
,
from
the
Circumlocution
Office
,
and
Mews
Street
,
Grosvenor
Square
,
with
the
expensive
Mrs
Tite
Barnacle
nee
Stiltstalking
,
who
made
the
Quarter
Days
so
long
in
coming
,
and
the
three
expensive
Miss
Tite
Barnacles
,
double
-
loaded
with
accomplishments
and
ready
to
go
off
,
and
yet
not
going
off
with
the
sharpness
of
flash
and
bang
that
might
have
been
expected
,
but
rather
hanging
fire
.
There
was
Barnacle
junior
,
also
from
the
Circumlocution
Office
,
leaving
the
Tonnage
of
the
country
,
which
he
was
somehow
supposed
to
take
under
his
protection
,
to
look
after
itself
,
and
,
sooth
to
say
,
not
at
all
impairing
the
efficiency
of
its
protection
by
leaving
it
alone
.
There
was
the
engaging
Young
Barnacle
,
deriving
from
the
sprightly
side
of
the
family
,
also
from
the
Circumlocution
Office
,
gaily
and
agreeably
helping
the
occasion
along
,
and
treating
it
,
in
his
sparkling
way
,
as
one
of
the
official
forms
and
fees
of
the
Church
Department
of
How
not
to
do
it
.
There
were
three
other
Young
Barnacles
from
three
other
offices
,
insipid
to
all
the
senses
,
and
terribly
in
want
of
seasoning
,
doing
the
marriage
as
they
would
have
‘
done
’
the
Nile
,
Old
Rome
,
the
new
singer
,
or
Jerusalem
.
But
there
was
greater
game
than
this
.
There
was
Lord
Decimus
Tite
Barnacle
himself
,
in
the
odour
of
Circumlocution
—
with
the
very
smell
of
Despatch
-
Boxes
upon
him
.
Yes
,
there
was
Lord
Decimus
Tite
Barnacle
,
who
had
risen
to
official
heights
on
the
wings
of
one
indignant
idea
,
and
that
was
,
My
Lords
,
that
I
am
yet
to
be
told
that
it
behoves
a
Minister
of
this
free
country
to
set
bounds
to
the
philanthropy
,
to
cramp
the
charity
,
to
fetter
the
public
spirit
,
to
contract
the
enterprise
,
to
damp
the
independent
self
-
reliance
,
of
its
people
.
That
was
,
in
other
words
,
that
this
great
statesman
was
always
yet
to
be
told
that
it
behoved
the
Pilot
of
the
ship
to
do
anything
but
prosper
in
the
private
loaf
and
fish
trade
ashore
,
the
crew
being
able
,
by
dint
of
hard
pumping
,
to
keep
the
ship
above
water
without
him
.
On
this
sublime
discovery
in
the
great
art
How
not
to
do
it
,
Lord
Decimus
had
long
sustained
the
highest
glory
of
the
Barnacle
family
;
and
let
any
ill
-
advised
member
of
either
House
but
try
How
to
do
it
by
bringing
in
a
Bill
to
do
it
,
that
Bill
was
as
good
as
dead
and
buried
when
Lord
Decimus
Tite
Barnacle
rose
up
in
his
place
and
solemnly
said
,
soaring
into
indignant
majesty
as
the
Circumlocution
cheering
soared
around
him
,
that
he
was
yet
to
be
told
,
My
Lords
,
that
it
behoved
him
as
the
Minister
of
this
free
country
,
to
set
bounds
to
the
philanthropy
,
to
cramp
the
charity
,
to
fetter
the
public
spirit
,
to
contract
the
enterprise
,
to
damp
the
independent
self
-
reliance
,
of
its
people
.
The
discovery
of
this
Behoving
Machine
was
the
discovery
of
the
political
perpetual
motion
.
It
never
wore
out
,
though
it
was
always
going
round
and
round
in
all
the
State
Departments
.
And
there
,
with
his
noble
friend
and
relative
Lord
Decimus
,
was
William
Barnacle
,
who
had
made
the
ever
-
famous
coalition
with
Tudor
Stiltstalking
,
and
who
always
kept
ready
his
own
particular
recipe
for
How
not
to
do
it
;
sometimes
tapping
the
Speaker
,
and
drawing
it
fresh
out
of
him
,
with
a
‘
First
,
I
will
beg
you
,
sir
,
to
inform
the
House
what
Precedent
we
have
for
the
course
into
which
the
honourable
gentleman
would
precipitate
us
;
’
sometimes
asking
the
honourable
gentleman
to
favour
him
with
his
own
version
of
the
Precedent
;
sometimes
telling
the
honourable
gentleman
that
he
(
William
Barnacle
)
would
search
for
a
Precedent
;
and
oftentimes
crushing
the
honourable
gentleman
flat
on
the
spot
by
telling
him
there
was
no
Precedent
.
But
Precedent
and
Precipitate
were
,
under
all
circumstances
,
the
well
-
matched
pair
of
battle
-
horses
of
this
able
Circumlocutionist
.
No
matter
that
the
unhappy
honourable
gentleman
had
been
trying
in
vain
,
for
twenty
-
five
years
,
to
precipitate
William
Barnacle
into
this
—
William
Barnacle
still
put
it
to
the
House
,
and
(
at
second
-
hand
or
so
)
to
the
country
,
whether
he
was
to
be
precipitated
into
this
.
No
matter
that
it
was
utterly
irreconcilable
with
the
nature
of
things
and
course
of
events
that
the
wretched
honourable
gentleman
could
possibly
produce
a
Precedent
for
this
—
William
Barnacle
would
nevertheless
thank
the
honourable
gentleman
for
that
ironical
cheer
,
and
would
close
with
him
upon
that
issue
,
and
would
tell
him
to
his
teeth
that
there
Was
NO
Precedent
for
this
.
It
might
perhaps
have
been
objected
that
the
William
Barnacle
wisdom
was
not
high
wisdom
or
the
earth
it
bamboozled
would
never
have
been
made
,
or
,
if
made
in
a
rash
mistake
,
would
have
remained
blank
mud
.
But
Precedent
and
Precipitate
together
frightened
all
objection
out
of
most
people
.
And
there
,
too
,
was
another
Barnacle
,
a
lively
one
,
who
had
leaped
through
twenty
places
in
quick
succession
,
and
was
always
in
two
or
three
at
once
,
and
who
was
the
much
-
respected
inventor
of
an
art
which
he
practised
with
great
success
and
admiration
in
all
Barnacle
Governments
.
This
was
,
when
he
was
asked
a
Parliamentary
question
on
any
one
topic
,
to
return
an
answer
on
any
other
.
It
had
done
immense
service
,
and
brought
him
into
high
esteem
with
the
Circumlocution
Office
.
And
there
,
too
,
was
a
sprinkling
of
less
distinguished
Parliamentary
Barnacles
,
who
had
not
as
yet
got
anything
snug
,
and
were
going
through
their
probation
to
prove
their
worthiness
.
These
Barnacles
perched
upon
staircases
and
hid
in
passages
,
waiting
their
orders
to
make
houses
or
not
to
make
houses
;
and
they
did
all
their
hearing
,
and
ohing
,
and
cheering
,
and
barking
,
under
directions
from
the
heads
of
the
family
;
and
they
put
dummy
motions
on
the
paper
in
the
way
of
other
men
’
s
motions
;
and
they
stalled
disagreeable
subjects
off
until
late
in
the
night
and
late
in
the
session
,
and
then
with
virtuous
patriotism
cried
out
that
it
was
too
late
;
and
they
went
down
into
the
country
,
whenever
they
were
sent
,
and
swore
that
Lord
Decimus
had
revived
trade
from
a
swoon
,
and
commerce
from
a
fit
,
and
had
doubled
the
harvest
of
corn
,
quadrupled
the
harvest
of
hay
,
and
prevented
no
end
of
gold
from
flying
out
of
the
Bank
.
Also
these
Barnacles
were
dealt
,
by
the
heads
of
the
family
,
like
so
many
cards
below
the
court
-
cards
,
to
public
meetings
and
dinners
;
where
they
bore
testimony
to
all
sorts
of
services
on
the
part
of
their
noble
and
honourable
relatives
,
and
buttered
the
Barnacles
on
all
sorts
of
toasts
.
And
they
stood
,
under
similar
orders
,
at
all
sorts
of
elections
;
and
they
turned
out
of
their
own
seats
,
on
the
shortest
notice
and
the
most
unreasonable
terms
,
to
let
in
other
men
;
and
they
fetched
and
carried
,
and
toadied
and
jobbed
,
and
corrupted
,
and
ate
heaps
of
dirt
,
and
were
indefatigable
in
the
public
service
.
And
there
was
not
a
list
,
in
all
the
Circumlocution
Office
,
of
places
that
might
fall
vacant
anywhere
within
half
a
century
,
from
a
lord
of
the
Treasury
to
a
Chinese
consul
,
and
up
again
to
a
governor
-
general
of
India
,
but
as
applicants
for
such
places
,
the
names
of
some
or
of
every
one
of
these
hungry
and
adhesive
Barnacles
were
down
.
It
was
necessarily
but
a
sprinkling
of
any
class
of
Barnacles
that
attended
the
marriage
,
for
there
were
not
two
score
in
all
,
and
what
is
that
subtracted
from
Legion
!
But
the
sprinkling
was
a
swarm
in
the
Twickenham
cottage
,
and
filled
it
.
A
Barnacle
(
assisted
by
a
Barnacle
)
married
the
happy
pair
,
and
it
behoved
Lord
Decimus
Tite
Barnacle
himself
to
conduct
Mrs
Meagles
to
breakfast
.
