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The
voice
of
a
coward
.
I
moved
on
.
It
would
be
nice
,
I
thought
,
to
be
back
with
the
sisters
,
hearing
them
laugh
about
sex
and
men
and
dancing
and
parties
.
It
would
be
so
nice
to
hear
Glendoline
’
s
voice
.
It
would
be
nice
to
run
my
hand
through
Lydia
’
s
long
hair
.
I
’
d
faithfully
take
her
to
every
party
in
town
.
I
’
d
even
dance
with
all
the
women
and
make
brilliant
jokes
about
everything
.
I
’
d
endure
all
that
subnormal
driveling
shit
with
a
smile
.
I
could
almost
hear
myself
.
"
Hey
,
that
’
s
a
great
dance
tune
!
Who
wants
to
really
go
?
Who
wants
to
boogie
on
out
?
"
I
kept
walking
through
the
bog
.
Finally
I
reached
dry
land
.
I
got
to
a
road
.
It
was
just
an
old
dirt
road
,
but
it
looked
good
.
I
could
see
tire
marks
,
hoof
prints
.
There
were
even
wires
overhead
that
carried
electricity
somewhere
.
All
I
had
to
do
was
follow
those
wires
.
I
walked
along
the
road
.
The
sun
was
high
in
the
sky
,
it
must
have
been
noon
.
I
walked
along
feeling
foolish
.
I
came
to
a
locked
gate
across
the
road
.
What
did
that
mean
?
There
was
a
small
entry
at
one
side
of
the
gate
.
Evidently
the
gate
was
a
cattle
guard
.
But
where
were
the
cattle
?
Where
was
the
owner
of
the
cattle
?
Maybe
he
only
came
around
every
six
months
.
The
top
of
my
head
began
to
ache
.
I
reached
up
and
felt
where
I
had
been
blackjacked
in
a
Philadelphia
bar
30
years
before
.
Some
scar
tissue
remained
.
Now
the
scar
tissue
,
baked
by
the
sun
,
was
swollen
.
It
stood
up
like
a
small
horn
.
I
broke
a
piece
off
and
threw
it
in
the
road
.
I
walked
another
hour
,
then
decided
to
turn
back
.
It
meant
having
to
walk
all
the
way
back
yet
I
felt
it
was
the
thing
to
do
.
I
took
my
shirt
off
and
draped
it
over
my
head
.
I
stopped
once
or
twice
and
screamed
,
"
LYDIA
!
"
There
was
no
reply
.
Some
time
later
I
got
back
to
the
gate
.
All
I
had
to
do
was
walk
around
it
but
there
was
something
in
the
way
.
It
stood
in
front
of
the
gate
,
about
15
feet
from
me
.
It
was
a
small
doe
,
a
fawn
,
a
something
.
I
moved
slowly
toward
it
.
It
didn
’
t
budge
.
Was
it
going
to
let
me
by
?
It
didn
’
t
seem
to
fear
me
.
I
guessed
it
sensed
my
confusion
,
my
cowardice
.
I
approached
closer
and
closer
.
It
wouldn
’
t
get
out
of
the
way
.
It
had
large
beautiful
brown
eyes
,
more
beautiful
than
the
eyes
of
any
woman
I
had
ever
seen
.
I
couldn
’
t
believe
it
.
I
was
within
3
feet
of
it
,
ready
to
back
off
,
when
it
bolted
.
It
ran
off
the
road
and
into
the
woods
.
It
was
in
excellent
shape
;
it
could
really
run
.
As
I
walked
further
along
the
road
I
heard
the
sound
of
running
water
.
I
needed
water
.
You
couldn
’
t
live
very
long
without
water
.
I
left
the
road
and
moved
toward
the
sound
of
rushing
water
.
There
was
a
little
hill
covered
with
grass
and
as
I
topped
the
hill
there
it
was
:
water
spilling
out
of
several
cement
pipes
in
the
face
of
a
dam
and
into
some
kind
of
reservoir
.
I
sat
down
at
the
edge
of
the
reservoir
and
took
off
my
shoes
and
stockings
,
pulled
up
my
pants
,
and
stuck
my
legs
into
the
water
.
Then
I
poured
water
over
my
head
.
Then
I
drank
-
but
not
too
much
or
too
fast
-
just
like
I
’
d
seen
it
done
in
the
movies
.
