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The
host
says
,
to
Albert
,
"
Would
you
call
an
ambulance
?
"
That
was
Tyler
's
first
mission
as
a
service
industry
terrorist
.
Guerrilla
waiter
.
Minimum-wage
despoiler
.
Tyler
's
been
doing
this
for
years
,
but
he
says
everything
is
more
fun
as
a
shared
activity
.
At
the
end
of
Albert
's
story
,
Tyler
smiles
and
says
,
"
Cool
.
"
Back
in
the
hotel
,
right
now
,
in
the
elevator
stopped
between
the
kitchen
and
the
banquet
floors
,
I
tell
Tyler
how
I
sneezed
on
the
trout
in
aspic
for
the
dermatologist
convention
and
three
people
told
me
it
was
too
salty
and
one
person
said
it
was
delicious
.
Tyler
shakes
himself
off
over
the
soup
tureen
and
says
he
's
run
dry
.
This
is
easier
with
cold
soup
,
vichyssoise
,
or
when
the
chefs
make
a
really
fresh
gazpacho
.
This
is
impossible
with
that
onion
soup
that
has
a
crust
of
melted
cheese
on
it
in
ramekins
.
If
I
ever
ate
here
,
that
's
what
I
'd
order
.
We
were
running
out
of
ideas
,
Tyler
and
me
.
Doing
stuff
to
the
food
sot
to
be
boring
,
almost
part
of
the
job
description
.
Then
I
hear
one
of
the
doctors
,
lawyers
,
whatever
,
say
how
a
hepatitis
bug
can
live
on
stainless
steel
for
six
months
.
You
have
to
wonder
how
long
this
bug
can
live
on
Rum
Custard
Charlotte
Russe
.
Or
Salmon
Timbale
.
I
asked
the
doctor
where
could
we
get
our
hands
on
some
of
these
hepatitis
bugs
,
and
he
's
drunk
enough
to
laugh
.
Everything
goes
to
the
medical
waste
dump
,
he
says
.
