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At
almost
every
meeting
since
then
,
Big
Bob
has
made
me
cry
.
I
never
went
back
to
the
doctor
.
I
never
chewed
the
valerian
root
.
This
was
freedom
.
Losing
all
hope
was
freedom
.
If
I
did
n't
say
anything
,
people
in
a
group
assumed
the
worst
.
They
cried
harder
.
I
cried
harder
.
Look
up
into
the
stars
and
you
're
gone
.
Walking
home
after
a
support
group
,
I
felt
more
alive
than
I
'd
ever
felt
.
I
was
n't
host
to
cancer
or
blood
parasites
;
I
was
the
little
warm
center
that
the
life
of
the
world
crowded
around
.
And
I
slept
.
Babies
do
n't
sleep
this
well
.
Every
evening
,
I
died
,
and
every
evening
,
I
was
born
.
Resurrected
.
Until
tonight
,
two
years
of
success
until
tonight
,
because
I
ca
n't
cry
with
this
woman
watching
me
.
Because
I
ca
n't
hit
bottom
,
I
ca
n't
be
saved
.
My
tongue
thinks
it
has
flocked
wallpaper
,
I
'm
biting
the
inside
of
my
mouth
so
much
.
I
have
n't
slept
in
four
days
.
With
her
watching
,
I
'm
a
liar
.
She
's
a
fake
.
She
's
the
liar
.
At
the
introductions
tonight
,
we
introduced
ourselves
:
I
'm
Bob
,
I
'm
Paul
,
I
'm
Terry
,
I
'm
David
.
I
never
give
my
real
name
.
