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- Айн Рэнд
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- Стр. 401/1581
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He
spoke
slowly
,
as
if
lashing
himself
with
his
words
.
There
was
no
sound
of
emotion
in
his
voice
,
only
the
lifeless
pull
of
effort
;
it
was
not
the
tone
of
a
man
’
s
willingness
to
speak
,
but
the
ugly
,
tortured
sound
of
duty
.
"
I
held
it
as
my
honor
that
I
would
never
need
anyone
.
I
need
you
.
It
had
been
my
pride
that
I
had
always
acted
on
my
convictions
.
I
’
ve
given
in
to
a
desire
which
I
despise
.
It
is
a
desire
that
has
reduced
my
mind
,
my
will
,
my
being
,
my
power
to
exist
into
an
abject
dependence
upon
you
—
not
even
upon
the
Dagny
Taggart
whom
I
admired
—
but
upon
your
body
,
your
hands
,
your
mouth
and
the
few
seconds
of
a
convulsion
of
your
muscles
.
I
had
never
broken
my
word
.
Now
I
’
ve
broken
an
oath
I
gave
for
life
.
I
had
never
committed
an
act
that
had
to
be
hidden
.
Now
I
am
to
lie
,
to
sneak
,
to
hide
.
Whatever
I
wanted
,
I
was
free
to
proclaim
it
aloud
and
achieve
it
in
the
sight
of
the
whole
world
.
Now
my
only
desire
is
one
I
loathe
to
name
even
to
myself
.
But
it
is
my
only
desire
.
I
’
m
going
to
have
you
—
I
’
d
give
up
everything
I
own
for
it
,
the
mills
,
the
Metal
,
the
achievement
of
my
whole
life
.
I
’
m
going
to
have
you
at
the
price
of
more
than
myself
:
at
the
price
of
my
self
esteem
—
and
I
want
you
to
know
it
.
I
want
no
pretense
,
no
evasion
,
no
silent
indulgence
,
with
the
nature
of
our
actions
left
unnamed
.
I
want
no
pretense
about
love
,
value
,
loyalty
or
respect
.
I
want
no
shred
of
honor
left
to
us
,
to
hide
behind
.
I
’
ve
never
begged
for
mercy
.
I
’
ve
chosen
to
do
this
—
and
I
’
ll
take
all
the
consequences
,
including
the
full
recognition
of
my
choice
.
It
’
s
depravity
—
and
I
accept
it
as
such
—
and
there
is
no
height
of
virtue
that
I
wouldn
’
t
give
up
for
it
.
Now
if
you
wish
to
slap
my
face
,
go
ahead
.
I
wish
you
would
.
"
She
had
listened
,
sitting
up
straight
,
holding
the
blanket
clutched
at
her
throat
to
cover
her
body
.
At
first
,
he
had
seen
her
eyes
growing
dark
with
incredulous
shock
.
Then
it
seemed
to
him
that
she
was
listening
with
greater
attentiveness
,
but
seeing
more
than
his
face
,
even
though
her
eyes
were
fixed
on
his
.
She
looked
as
if
she
were
studying
intently
some
revelation
that
had
never
confronted
her
before
.
He
felt
as
if
some
ray
of
light
were
growing
stronger
on
his
face
,
because
he
saw
its
reflection
on
hers
,
as
she
watched
him
—
he
saw
the
shock
vanishing
,
then
the
wonder
—
he
saw
her
face
being
smoothed
into
a
strange
serenity
that
seemed
quiet
and
glittering
at
once
.
When
he
stopped
,
she
burst
out
laughing
.
The
shock
to
him
was
that
he
heard
no
anger
in
her
laughter
.
She
laughed
simply
,
easily
,
in
joyous
amusement
,
in
release
,
not
as
one
laughs
at
the
solution
of
a
problem
,
but
at
the
discovery
that
no
problem
had
ever
existed
.
She
threw
the
blanket
off
with
a
stressed
,
deliberate
sweep
of
her
arm
.
