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- Айн Рэнд
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- Стр. 1099/1581
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She
would
not
acknowledge
the
things
she
feared
or
give
them
the
solid
shape
of
words
,
she
knew
them
only
by
the
ugly
,
nagging
pull
of
an
unadmitted
emotion
.
Part
of
it
was
a
savage
resentment
,
of
a
kind
she
had
never
experienced
before
,
which
was
her
answer
to
the
dread
that
there
might
be
a
woman
in
his
life
;
yet
the
resentment
was
softened
by
some
quality
of
health
in
the
thing
she
feared
,
as
if
the
threat
could
be
fought
and
even
,
if
need
be
,
accepted
.
But
there
was
another
,
uglier
dread
:
the
sordid
shape
of
self
-
sacrifice
,
the
suspicion
,
not
to
be
uttered
about
him
,
that
he
wished
to
remove
himself
from
her
path
and
let
its
emptiness
force
her
back
to
the
man
who
was
his
best
-
loved
friend
.
Days
passed
before
she
spoke
of
it
.
Then
,
at
dinner
,
on
an
evening
when
he
was
to
leave
,
she
became
suddenly
aware
of
the
peculiar
pleasure
she
experienced
while
watching
him
eat
the
food
she
had
prepared
—
and
suddenly
,
involuntarily
,
as
if
that
pleasure
gave
her
a
right
she
dared
not
identify
,
as
if
enjoyment
,
not
pain
,
broke
her
resistance
,
she
heard
herself
asking
him
,
"
What
is
it
you
’
re
doing
every
other
evening
?
"
He
answered
simply
,
as
if
he
had
taken
for
granted
that
she
knew
it
,
"
Lecturing
.
"
"
What
?
"
"
Giving
a
course
of
lectures
on
physics
,
as
I
do
every
year
during
this
month
.
It
’
s
my
.
.
.
What
are
you
laughing
at
?
"
he
asked
,
seeing
the
look
of
relief
,
of
silent
laughter
that
did
not
seem
to
be
directed
at
his
words
—
and
then
,
before
she
answered
,
he
smiled
suddenly
,
as
if
he
had
guessed
the
answer
,
she
saw
some
particular
,
intensely
personal
quality
in
his
smile
,
which
was
almost
a
quality
of
insolent
intimacy
—
in
contrast
to
the
calmly
impersonal
,
casual
manner
with
which
he
went
on
.
"
You
know
that
this
is
the
month
when
we
all
trade
the
achievements
of
our
real
professions
.
Richard
Halley
is
to
give
concerts
,
Kay
Ludlow
is
to
appear
in
two
plays
written
by
authors
who
do
not
write
for
the
outside
world
—
and
I
give
lectures
,
reporting
on
the
work
I
’
ve
done
during
the
year
.
"
"
Free
lectures
?
"
"
Certainly
not
.
It
’
s
ten
dollars
per
person
for
the
course
.
"
"
I
want
to
hear
you
.
"
He
shook
his
head
.
"
No
.
