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At
present
they
merely
embrace
the
physical
signs
which
go
with
slight
,
with
complete
,
and
with
extreme
insensibility
.
Afterward
we
hope
to
pass
on
to
the
phenomena
of
suggestion
and
of
lucidity
.
Professors
have
demonstrated
these
things
upon
women
at
Nancy
and
at
the
Salpetriere
.
It
will
be
more
convincing
when
a
woman
demonstrates
it
upon
a
professor
,
with
a
second
professor
as
a
witness
.
And
that
I
should
be
the
subject
—
I
,
the
sceptic
,
the
materialist
!
At
least
,
I
have
shown
that
my
devotion
to
science
is
greater
than
to
my
own
personal
consistency
.
The
eating
of
our
own
words
is
the
greatest
sacrifice
which
truth
ever
requires
of
us
.
My
neighbor
,
Charles
Sadler
,
the
handsome
young
demonstrator
of
anatomy
,
came
in
this
evening
to
return
a
volume
of
Virchow
’
s
"
Archives
"
which
I
had
lent
him
.
I
call
him
young
,
but
,
as
a
matter
of
fact
,
he
is
a
year
older
than
I
am
.
"
I
understand
,
Gilroy
,
"
said
he
,
"
that
you
are
being
experimented
upon
by
Miss
Penclosa
.
"
"
Well
,
"
he
went
on
,
when
I
had
acknowledged
it
,
"
if
I
were
you
,
I
should
not
let
it
go
any
further
.
You
will
think
me
very
impertinent
,
no
doubt
,
but
,
none
the
less
,
I
feel
it
to
be
my
duty
to
advise
you
to
have
no
more
to
do
with
her
.
"
Of
course
I
asked
him
why
.
"
I
am
so
placed
that
I
cannot
enter
into
particulars
as
freely
as
I
could
wish
,
"
said
he
.
"
Miss
Penclosa
is
the
friend
of
my
friend
,
and
my
position
is
a
delicate
one
.
I
can
only
say
this
:
that
I
have
myself
been
the
subject
of
some
of
the
woman
’
s
experiments
,
and
that
they
have
left
a
most
unpleasant
impression
upon
my
mind
.
"
He
could
hardly
expect
me
to
be
satisfied
with
that
,
and
I
tried
hard
to
get
something
more
definite
out
of
him
,
but
without
success
.
Is
it
conceivable
that
he
could
be
jealous
at
my
having
superseded
him
?
Or
is
he
one
of
those
men
of
science
who
feel
personally
injured
when
facts
run
counter
to
their
preconceived
opinions
?
He
cannot
seriously
suppose
that
because
he
has
some
vague
grievance
I
am
,
therefore
,
to
abandon
a
series
of
experiments
which
promise
to
be
so
fruitful
of
results
.
He
appeared
to
be
annoyed
at
the
light
way
in
which
I
treated
his
shadowy
warnings
,
and
we
parted
with
some
little
coldness
on
both
sides
.
March
31
.
Mesmerized
by
Miss
P
.
April
1
.
Mesmerized
by
Miss
P
.
(
Note
-
book
A
.
)
April
2
.
Mesmerized
by
Miss
P
.
(
Sphygmographic
chart
taken
by
Professor
Wilson
.
)
April
3
.
It
is
possible
that
this
course
of
mesmerism
may
be
a
little
trying
to
the
general
constitution
.
Agatha
says
that
I
am
thinner
and
darker
under
the
eyes
.
I
am
conscious
of
a
nervous
irritability
which
I
had
not
observed
in
myself
before
.
The
least
noise
,
for
example
,
makes
me
start
,
and
the
stupidity
of
a
student
causes
me
exasperation
instead
of
amusement
.
Agatha
wishes
me
to
stop
,
but
I
tell
her
that
every
course
of
study
is
trying
,
and
that
one
can
never
attain
a
result
with
out
paying
some
price
for
it
.
When
she
sees
the
sensation
which
my
forthcoming
paper
on
"
The
Relation
between
Mind
and
Matter
"
may
make
,
she
will
understand
that
it
is
worth
a
little
nervous
wear
and
tear
.
I
should
not
be
surprised
if
I
got
my
F
.
R
.
S
.
over
it
.
Mesmerized
again
in
the
evening
.
The
effect
is
produced
more
rapidly
now
,
and
the
subjective
visions
are
less
marked
.
I
keep
full
notes
of
each
sitting
.
Wilson
is
leaving
for
town
for
a
week
or
ten
days
,
but
we
shall
not
interrupt
the
experiments
,
which
depend
for
their
value
as
much
upon
my
sensations
as
on
his
observations
.
April
4
.
I
must
be
carefully
on
my
guard
.
A
complication
has
crept
into
our
experiments
which
I
had
not
reckoned
upon
.
In
my
eagerness
for
scientific
facts
I
have
been
foolishly
blind
to
the
human
relations
between
Miss
Penclosa
and
myself
.
I
can
write
here
what
I
would
not
breathe
to
a
living
soul
.
The
unhappy
woman
appears
to
have
formed
an
attachment
for
me
.
I
should
not
say
such
a
thing
,
even
in
the
privacy
of
my
own
intimate
journal
,
if
it
had
not
come
to
such
a
pass
that
it
is
impossible
to
ignore
it
.
For
some
time
,
—
that
is
,
for
the
last
week
,
—
there
have
been
signs
which
I
have
brushed
aside
and
refused
to
think
of
.
Her
brightness
when
I
come
,
her
dejection
when
I
go
,
her
eagerness
that
I
should
come
often
,
the
expression
of
her
eyes
,
the
tone
of
her
voice
—
I
tried
to
think
that
they
meant
nothing
,
and
were
,
perhaps
,
only
her
ardent
West
Indian
manner
.
But
last
night
,
as
I
awoke
from
the
mesmeric
sleep
,
I
put
out
my
hand
,
unconsciously
,
involuntarily
,
and
clasped
hers
.
When
I
came
fully
to
myself
,
we
were
sitting
with
them
locked
,
she
looking
up
at
me
with
an
expectant
smile
.
And
the
horrible
thing
was
that
I
felt
impelled
to
say
what
she
expected
me
to
say
.
What
a
false
wretch
I
should
have
been
!
How
I
should
have
loathed
myself
to
-
day
had
I
yielded
to
the
temptation
of
that
moment
!
But
,
thank
God
,
I
was
strong
enough
to
spring
up
and
hurry
from
the
room
.
I
was
rude
,
I
fear
,
but
I
could
not
,
no
,
I
COULD
not
,
trust
myself
another
moment
.
I
,
a
gentleman
,
a
man
of
honor
,
engaged
to
one
of
the
sweetest
girls
in
England
—
and
yet
in
a
moment
of
reasonless
passion
I
nearly
professed
love
for
this
woman
whom
I
hardly
know
.
She
is
far
older
than
myself
and
a
cripple
.
It
is
monstrous
,
odious
;
and
yet
the
impulse
was
so
strong
that
,
had
I
stayed
another
minute
in
her
presence
,
I
should
have
committed
myself
.
What
was
it
?
I
have
to
teach
others
the
workings
of
our
organism
,
and
what
do
I
know
of
it
myself
?
Was
it
the
sudden
upcropping
of
some
lower
stratum
in
my
nature
—
a
brutal
primitive
instinct
suddenly
asserting
itself
?
I
could
almost
believe
the
tales
of
obsession
by
evil
spirits
,
so
overmastering
was
the
feeling
.
Well
,
the
incident
places
me
in
a
most
unfortunate
position
.
On
the
one
hand
,
I
am
very
loath
to
abandon
a
series
of
experiments
which
have
already
gone
so
far
,
and
which
promise
such
brilliant
results
.
On
the
other
,
if
this
unhappy
woman
has
conceived
a
passion
for
me
—
—
But
surely
even
now
I
must
have
made
some
hideous
mistake
.
She
,
with
her
age
and
her
deformity
!
It
is
impossible
.
And
then
she
knew
about
Agatha
.
She
understood
how
I
was
placed
.
She
only
smiled
out
of
amusement
,
perhaps
,
when
in
my
dazed
state
I
seized
her
hand
.
It
was
my
half
-
mesmerized
brain
which
gave
it
a
meaning
,
and
sprang
with
such
bestial
swiftness
to
meet
it
.
I
wish
I
could
persuade
myself
that
it
was
indeed
so
.
On
the
whole
,
perhaps
,
my
wisest
plan
would
be
to
postpone
our
other
experiments
until
Wilson
’
s
return
.
I
have
written
a
note
to
Miss
Penclosa
,
therefore
,
making
no
allusion
to
last
night
,
but
saying
that
a
press
of
work
would
cause
me
to
interrupt
our
sittings
for
a
few
days
.
She
has
answered
,
formally
enough
,
to
say
that
if
I
should
change
my
mind
I
should
find
her
at
home
at
the
usual
hour
.
10
P
.
M
.
Well
,
well
,
what
a
thing
of
straw
I
am
!
I
am
coming
to
know
myself
better
of
late
,
and
the
more
I
know
the
lower
I
fall
in
my
own
estimation
.
Surely
I
was
not
always
so
weak
as
this
.
At
four
o
’
clock
I
should
have
smiled
had
any
one
told
me
that
I
should
go
to
Miss
Penclosa
’
s
to
-
night
,
and
yet
,
at
eight
,
I
was
at
Wilson
’
s
door
as
usual
.
I
don
’
t
know
how
it
occurred
.
The
influence
of
habit
,
I
suppose
.
Perhaps
there
is
a
mesmeric
craze
as
there
is
an
opium
craze
,
and
I
am
a
victim
to
it
.
I
only
know
that
as
I
worked
in
my
study
I
became
more
and
more
uneasy
.
I
fidgeted
.
I
worried
.
I
could
not
concentrate
my
mind
upon
the
papers
in
front
of
me
.
And
then
,
at
last
,
almost
before
I
knew
what
I
was
doing
,
I
seized
my
hat
and
hurried
round
to
keep
my
usual
appointment
.
We
had
an
interesting
evening
.
Mrs
.
Wilson
was
present
during
most
of
the
time
,
which
prevented
the
embarrassment
which
one
at
least
of
us
must
have
felt
.
Miss
Penclosa
’
s
manner
was
quite
the
same
as
usual
,
and
she
expressed
no
surprise
at
my
having
come
in
spite
of
my
note
.
There
was
nothing
in
her
bearing
to
show
that
yesterday
’
s
incident
had
made
any
impression
upon
her
,
and
so
I
am
inclined
to
hope
that
I
overrated
it
.
April
6
(
evening
)
.
No
,
no
,
no
,
I
did
not
overrate
it
.
I
can
no
longer
attempt
to
conceal
from
myself
that
this
woman
has
conceived
a
passion
for
me
.
It
is
monstrous
,
but
it
is
true
.
Again
,
tonight
,
I
awoke
from
the
mesmeric
trance
to
find
my
hand
in
hers
,
and
to
suffer
that
odious
feeling
which
urges
me
to
throw
away
my
honor
,
my
career
,
every
thing
,
for
the
sake
of
this
creature
who
,
as
I
can
plainly
see
when
I
am
away
from
her
influence
,
possesses
no
single
charm
upon
earth
.
But
when
I
am
near
her
,
I
do
not
feel
this
.
She
rouses
something
in
me
,
something
evil
,
something
I
had
rather
not
think
of
.
She
paralyzes
my
better
nature
,
too
,
at
the
moment
when
she
stimulates
my
worse
.
Decidedly
it
is
not
good
for
me
to
be
near
her
.
Last
night
was
worse
than
before
.
Instead
of
flying
I
actually
sat
for
some
time
with
my
hand
in
hers
talking
over
the
most
intimate
subjects
with
her
.
We
spoke
of
Agatha
,
among
other
things
.
What
could
I
have
been
dreaming
of
?
Miss
Penclosa
said
that
she
was
conventional
,
and
I
agreed
with
her
.
She
spoke
once
or
twice
in
a
disparaging
way
of
her
,
and
I
did
not
protest
.
What
a
creature
I
have
been
!
Weak
as
I
have
proved
myself
to
be
,
I
am
still
strong
enough
to
bring
this
sort
of
thing
to
an
end
.
It
shall
not
happen
again
.
I
have
sense
enough
to
fly
when
I
cannot
fight
.
From
this
Sunday
night
onward
I
shall
never
sit
with
Miss
Penclosa
again
.
Never
!
Let
the
experiments
go
,
let
the
research
come
to
an
end
;
any
thing
is
better
than
facing
this
monstrous
temptation
which
drags
me
so
low
.
I
have
said
nothing
to
Miss
Penclosa
,
but
I
shall
simply
stay
away
.
She
can
tell
the
reason
without
any
words
of
mine
.
April
7
.
Have
stayed
away
as
I
said
.
It
is
a
pity
to
ruin
such
an
interesting
investigation
,
but
it
would
be
a
greater
pity
still
to
ruin
my
life
,
and
I
KNOW
that
I
cannot
trust
myself
with
that
woman
.
11
P
.
M
.
God
help
me
!
What
is
the
matter
with
me
?
Am
I
going
mad
?
Let
me
try
and
be
calm
and
reason
with
myself
.
First
of
all
I
shall
set
down
exactly
what
occurred
.
It
was
nearly
eight
when
I
wrote
the
lines
with
which
this
day
begins
.
Feeling
strangely
restless
and
uneasy
,
I
left
my
rooms
and
walked
round
to
spend
the
evening
with
Agatha
and
her
mother
.
They
both
remarked
that
I
was
pale
and
haggard
.
About
nine
Professor
Pratt
-
Haldane
came
in
,
and
we
played
a
game
of
whist
.
I
tried
hard
to
concentrate
my
attention
upon
the
cards
,
but
the
feeling
of
restlessness
grew
and
grew
until
I
found
it
impossible
to
struggle
against
it
.
I
simply
COULD
not
sit
still
at
the
table
.
At
last
,
in
the
very
middle
of
a
hand
,
I
threw
my
cards
down
and
,
with
some
sort
of
an
incoherent
apology
about
having
an
appointment
,
I
rushed
from
the
room
.
As
if
in
a
dream
I
have
a
vague
recollection
of
tearing
through
the
hall
,
snatching
my
hat
from
the
stand
,
and
slamming
the
door
behind
me
.
As
in
a
dream
,
too
,
I
have
the
impression
of
the
double
line
of
gas
-
lamps
,
and
my
bespattered
boots
tell
me
that
I
must
have
run
down
the
middle
of
the
road
.
It
was
all
misty
and
strange
and
unnatural
.
I
came
to
Wilson
’
s
house
;
I
saw
Mrs
.
Wilson
and
I
saw
Miss
Penclosa
.
I
hardly
recall
what
we
talked
about
,
but
I
do
remember
that
Miss
P
.
shook
the
head
of
her
crutch
at
me
in
a
playful
way
,
and
accused
me
of
being
late
and
of
losing
interest
in
our
experiments
.
There
was
no
mesmerism
,
but
I
stayed
some
time
and
have
only
just
returned
.
My
brain
is
quite
clear
again
now
,
and
I
can
think
over
what
has
occurred
.
It
is
absurd
to
suppose
that
it
is
merely
weakness
and
force
of
habit
.
I
tried
to
explain
it
in
that
way
the
other
night
,
but
it
will
no
longer
suffice
.
It
is
something
much
deeper
and
more
terrible
than
that
.
Why
,
when
I
was
at
the
Mardens
’
whist
-
table
,
I
was
dragged
away
as
if
the
noose
of
a
rope
had
been
cast
round
me
.
I
can
no
longer
disguise
it
from
myself
.
The
woman
has
her
grip
upon
me
.
I
am
in
her
clutch
.
But
I
must
keep
my
head
and
reason
it
out
and
see
what
is
best
to
be
done
.
But
what
a
blind
fool
I
have
been
!
In
my
enthusiasm
over
my
research
I
have
walked
straight
into
the
pit
,
although
it
lay
gaping
before
me
.
Did
she
not
herself
warn
me
?
Did
she
not
tell
me
,
as
I
can
read
in
my
own
journal
,
that
when
she
has
acquired
power
over
a
subject
she
can
make
him
do
her
will
?
And
she
has
acquired
that
power
over
me
.
I
am
for
the
moment
at
the
beck
and
call
of
this
creature
with
the
crutch
.
I
must
come
when
she
wills
it
.
I
must
do
as
she
wills
.
Worst
of
all
,
I
must
feel
as
she
wills
.
I
loathe
her
and
fear
her
,
yet
,
while
I
am
under
the
spell
,
she
can
doubtless
make
me
love
her
There
is
some
consolation
in
the
thought
,
then
,
that
those
odious
impulses
for
which
I
have
blamed
myself
do
not
really
come
from
me
at
all
.
They
are
all
transferred
from
her
,
little
as
I
could
have
guessed
it
at
the
time
.
I
feel
cleaner
and
lighter
for
the
thought
.
April
8
.
Yes
,
now
,
in
broad
daylight
,
writing
coolly
and
with
time
for
reflection
,
I
am
compelled
to
confirm
every
thing
which
I
wrote
in
my
journal
last
night
.
I
am
in
a
horrible
position
,
but
,
above
all
,
I
must
not
lose
my
head
.
I
must
pit
my
intellect
against
her
powers
.
After
all
,
I
am
no
silly
puppet
,
to
dance
at
the
end
of
a
string
.
I
have
energy
,
brains
,
courage
.
For
all
her
devil
’
s
tricks
I
may
beat
her
yet
.
May
!
I
MUST
,
or
what
is
to
become
of
me
?
Let
me
try
to
reason
it
out
!
This
woman
,
by
her
own
explanation
,
can
dominate
my
nervous
organism
.
She
can
project
herself
into
my
body
and
take
command
of
it
.
She
has
a
parasite
soul
;
yes
,
she
is
a
parasite
,
a
monstrous
parasite
.
She
creeps
into
my
frame
as
the
hermit
crab
does
into
the
whelk
’
s
shell
.
I
am
powerless
What
can
I
do
?
I
am
dealing
with
forces
of
which
I
know
nothing
.
And
I
can
tell
no
one
of
my
trouble
.
They
would
set
me
down
as
a
madman
.
Certainly
,
if
it
got
noised
abroad
,
the
university
would
say
that
they
had
no
need
of
a
devil
-
ridden
professor
.
And
Agatha
!
No
,
no
,
I
must
face
it
alone
.
I
read
over
my
notes
of
what
the
woman
said
when
she
spoke
about
her
powers
.
There
is
one
point
which
fills
me
with
dismay
.
She
implies
that
when
the
influence
is
slight
the
subject
knows
what
he
is
doing
,
but
cannot
control
himself
,
whereas
when
it
is
strongly
exerted
he
is
absolutely
unconscious
.
Now
,
I
have
always
known
what
I
did
,
though
less
so
last
night
than
on
the
previous
occasions
.
That
seems
to
mean
that
she
has
never
yet
exerted
her
full
powers
upon
me
.
Was
ever
a
man
so
placed
before
?
Yes
,
perhaps
there
was
,
and
very
near
me
,
too
.
Charles
Sadler
must
know
something
of
this
!
His
vague
words
of
warning
take
a
meaning
now
.
Oh
,
if
I
had
only
listened
to
him
then
,
before
I
helped
by
these
repeated
sittings
to
forge
the
links
of
the
chain
which
binds
me
!
But
I
will
see
him
to
-
day
.
I
will
apologize
to
him
for
having
treated
his
warning
so
lightly
.
I
will
see
if
he
can
advise
me
.
4
P
.
M
.
No
,
he
cannot
.
I
have
talked
with
him
,
and
he
showed
such
surprise
at
the
first
words
in
which
I
tried
to
express
my
unspeakable
secret
that
I
went
no
further
.
As
far
as
I
can
gather
(
by
hints
and
inferences
rather
than
by
any
statement
)
,
his
own
experience
was
limited
to
some
words
or
looks
such
as
I
have
myself
endured
.
His
abandonment
of
Miss
Penclosa
is
in
itself
a
sign
that
he
was
never
really
in
her
toils
.
Oh
,
if
he
only
knew
his
escape
!
He
has
to
thank
his
phlegmatic
Saxon
temperament
for
it
.
I
am
black
and
Celtic
,
and
this
hag
’
s
clutch
is
deep
in
my
nerves
.
Shall
I
ever
get
it
out
?
Shall
I
ever
be
the
same
man
that
I
was
just
one
short
fortnight
ago
?
Let
me
consider
what
I
had
better
do
.
