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The
Times
and
letters
--
suddenly
the
telephone
rang
with
urgency
and
I
rose
deliberately
and
went
to
the
telephone
.
I
took
up
the
black
mouth
.
I
marked
the
ease
with
which
my
mind
adjusted
itself
to
assimilate
the
message
--
it
might
be
(
one
has
these
fancies
)
to
assume
command
of
the
British
Empire
;
I
observed
my
composure
;
I
remarked
with
what
magnificent
vitality
the
atoms
of
my
attention
dispersed
,
swarmed
round
the
interruption
,
assimilated
the
message
,
adapted
themselves
to
a
new
state
of
affairs
and
had
created
,
by
the
time
I
put
back
the
receiver
,
a
richer
,
stronger
,
a
more
complicated
world
in
which
I
was
called
upon
to
act
my
part
and
had
no
doubt
whatever
that
I
could
do
it
.
Clapping
my
hat
on
my
head
,
I
strode
into
a
world
inhabited
by
vast
numbers
of
men
who
had
also
clapped
their
hats
on
their
heads
,
and
as
we
jostled
and
encountered
in
trains
and
tubes
we
exchanged
the
knowing
wink
of
competitors
and
comrades
braced
with
a
thousand
snares
and
dodges
to
achieve
the
same
end
--
to
earn
our
livings
.
'
Life
is
pleasant
.
Life
is
good
.
The
mere
process
of
life
is
satisfactory
.
Take
the
ordinary
man
in
good
health
.
He
likes
eating
and
sleeping
.
He
likes
the
snuff
of
fresh
air
and
walking
at
a
brisk
pace
down
the
Strand
.
Or
in
the
country
there
's
a
cock
crowing
on
a
gate
;
there
's
a
foal
galloping
round
a
field
.
Something
always
has
to
be
done
next
.
Tuesday
follows
Monday
;
Wednesday
Tuesday
.
Each
spreads
the
same
ripple
of
wellbeing
,
repeats
the
same
curve
of
rhythm
;
covers
fresh
sand
with
a
chill
or
ebbs
a
little
slackly
without
.
So
the
being
grows
rings
;
identity
becomes
robust
.
What
was
fiery
and
furtive
like
a
fling
of
grain
cast
into
the
air
and
blown
hither
and
thither
by
wild
gusts
of
life
from
every
quarter
is
now
methodical
and
orderly
and
flung
with
a
purpose
--
so
it
seems
.
'
Lord
,
how
pleasant
!
Lord
,
how
good
!
How
tolerable
is
the
life
of
little
shopkeepers
,
I
would
say
,
as
the
train
drew
through
the
suburbs
and
one
saw
lights
in
bedroom
windows
.
Active
,
energetic
as
a
swarm
of
ants
,
I
said
,
as
I
stood
at
the
window
and
watched
workers
,
bag
in
hand
,
stream
into
town
.
What
hardness
,
what
energy
and
violence
of
limb
,
I
thought
,
seeing
men
in
white
drawers
'
scouring
after
a
football
on
a
patch
of
snow
in
January
.
Now
being
grumpy
about
some
small
matter
--
it
might
be
the
meat
--
it
seemed
luxurious
to
disturb
with
a
little
ripple
the
enormous
stability
,
whose
quiver
,
for
our
child
was
about
to
be
born
,
increased
its
joy
,
of
our
married
life
.
I
snapped
at
dinner
.
I
spoke
unreasonably
as
if
,
being
a
millionaire
,
I
could
throw
away
five
shillings
;
or
,
being
a
perfect
steeple-jack
,
stumbled
over
a
footstool
on
purpose
.
Going
up
to
bed
we
settled
our
quarrel
on
the
stairs
,
and
standing
by
the
window
looking
at
a
sky
clear
like
the
inside
of
a
blue
stone
,
"
Heaven
be
praised
,
"
I
said
,
"
we
need
not
whip
this
prose
into
poetry
.
The
little
language
is
enough
.
"
For
the
space
of
the
prospect
and
its
clarity
seemed
to
offer
no
impediment
whatsoever
,
but
to
allow
our
lives
to
spread
out
and
out
beyond
all
bristling
of
roofs
and
chimneys
to
the
flawless
verge
.
'
Into
this
crashed
death
--
Percival
's
.
"
Which
is
happiness
?
"
I
said
(
our
child
had
been
born
)
,
"
which
pain
?
"
referring
to
the
two
sides
of
my
body
,
as
I
came
downstairs
,
making
a
purely
physical
statement
.
Also
I
made
note
of
the
state
of
the
house
;
the
curtain
blowing
;
the
cook
singing
;
the
wardrobe
showing
through
the
half-opened
door
.
I
said
,
"
Give
him
(
myself
)
another
moment
's
respite
"
as
I
went
downstairs
.
"
Now
in
this
drawing-room
he
is
going
to
suffer
.
There
is
no
escape
.
"
But
for
pain
words
are
lacking
.
There
should
be
cries
,
cracks
,
fissures
,
whiteness
passing
over
chintz
covers
,
interference
with
the
sense
of
time
,
of
space
;
the
sense
also
of
extreme
fixity
in
passing
objects
;
and
sounds
very
remote
and
then
very
close
;
flesh
being
gashed
and
blood
spurting
,
a
joint
suddenly
twisted
--
beneath
all
of
which
appears
something
very
important
,
yet
remote
,
to
be
just
held
in
solitude
.
So
I
went
out
.
I
saw
the
first
morning
he
would
never
see
--
the
sparrows
were
like
toys
dangled
from
a
string
by
a
child
.
To
see
things
without
attachment
,
from
the
outside
,
and
to
realize
their
beauty
in
itself
--
how
strange
!
And
then
the
sense
that
a
burden
has
been
removed
;
pretence
and
make-believe
and
unreality
are
gone
,
and
lightness
has
come
with
a
kind
of
transparency
,
making
oneself
invisible
and
things
seen
through
as
one
walks
--
how
strange
.
"
And
now
what
other
discovery
will
there
be
?
"
I
said
,
and
in
order
to
hold
it
tight
ignored
newspaper
placards
and
went
and
looked
at
pictures
.
Madonnas
and
pillars
,
arches
and
orange
trees
,
still
as
on
the
first
day
of
creation
,
but
acquainted
with
grief
,
there
they
hung
,
and
I
gazed
at
them
.
"
Here
,
"
I
said
,
"
we
are
together
without
interruption
.
"
This
freedom
,
this
immunity
,
seemed
then
a
conquest
,
and
stirred
in
me
such
exaltation
that
I
sometimes
go
there
,
even
now
,
to
bring
back
exaltation
and
Percival
.
But
it
did
not
last
.
What
torments
one
is
the
horrible
activity
of
the
mind
's
eye
--
how
he
fell
,
how
he
looked
,
where
they
carried
him
;
men
in
loin-cloths
,
pulling
ropes
;
the
bandages
and
the
mud
.
Then
comes
the
terrible
pounce
of
memory
,
not
to
be
foretold
,
not
to
be
warded
off
--
that
I
did
not
go
with
him
to
Hampton
Court
.
That
claw
scratched
;
that
fang
tore
;
I
did
not
go
.
In
spite
of
his
impatiently
protesting
that
it
did
not
matter
;
why
interrupt
,
why
spoil
our
moment
of
uninterrupted
community
?
--
Still
,
I
repeated
sullenly
,
I
did
not
go
,
and
so
,
driven
out
of
the
sanctuary
by
these
officious
devils
,
went
to
Jinny
because
she
had
a
room
;
a
room
with
little
tables
,
with
little
ornaments
scattered
on
little
tables
.
There
I
confessed
,
with
tears
--
I
had
not
gone
to
Hampton
Court
.
And
she
,
remembering
other
things
,
to
me
trifles
but
torturing
to
her
,
showed
me
how
life
withers
when
there
are
things
we
can
not
share
.
Soon
,
too
,
a
maid
came
in
with
a
note
,
and
as
she
turned
to
answer
it
and
I
felt
my
own
curiosity
to
know
what
she
was
writing
and
to
whom
,
I
saw
the
first
leaf
fall
on
his
grave
.
I
saw
us
push
beyond
this
moment
,
and
leave
it
behind
us
for
ever
.
And
then
sitting
side
by
side
on
the
sofa
we
remembered
inevitably
what
had
been
said
by
others
;
"
the
lily
of
the
day
is
fairer
far
in
May
"
;
we
compared
Percival
to
a
lily
--
Percival
whom
I
wanted
to
lose
his
hair
,
to
shock
the
authorities
,
to
grow
old
with
me
;
he
was
already
covered
with
lilies
.
'S
o
the
sincerity
of
the
moment
passed
;
so
it
became
symbolical
;
and
that
I
could
not
stand
.
Let
us
commit
any
blasphemy
of
laughter
and
criticism
rather
than
exude
this
lily-sweet
glue
;
and
cover
him
with
phrases
,
I
cried
.
Therefore
I
broke
off
,
and
Jinny
,
who
was
without
future
,
or
speculation
,
but
respected
the
moment
with
complete
integrity
,
gave
her
body
a
flick
with
the
whip
,
powdered
her
face
(
for
which
I
loved
her
)
,
and
waved
to
me
as
she
stood
on
the
doorstep
,
pressing
her
hand
to
her
hair
so
that
the
wind
might
not
disorder
it
,
a
gesture
for
which
I
honoured
her
,
as
if
it
confirmed
our
determination
--
not
to
let
lilies
grow
.
'
I
observed
with
disillusioned
clarity
the
despicable
nonentity
of
the
street
;
its
porches
;
its
window
curtains
;
the
drab
clothes
,
the
cupidity
and
complacency
of
shopping
women
;
and
old
men
taking
the
air
in
comforters
;
the
caution
of
people
crossing
;
the
universal
determination
to
go
on
living
,
when
really
,
fools
and
gulls
that
you
are
,
I
said
,
any
slate
may
fly
from
a
roof
,
any
car
may
swerve
,
for
there
is
neither
rhyme
nor
reason
when
a
drunk
man
staggers
about
with
a
club
in
his
hand
--
that
is
all
.
I
was
like
one
admitted
behind
the
scenes
:
like
one
shown
how
the
effects
are
produced
.
I
returned
,
however
,
to
my
own
snug
home
and
was
warned
by
the
parlourmaid
to
creep
upstairs
in
my
stockings
.
