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91
'M
rs
Constable
,
girt
in
a
bath-towel
,
takes
her
lemon-coloured
sponge
and
soaks
it
in
water
;
it
turns
chocolate-brown
;
it
drips
;
and
,
holding
it
high
above
me
,
shivering
beneath
her
,
she
squeezes
it
.
Water
pours
down
the
runnel
of
my
spine
.
Bright
arrows
of
sensation
shoot
on
either
side
.
I
am
covered
with
warm
flesh
.
My
dry
crannies
are
wetted
;
my
cold
body
is
warmed
;
it
is
sluiced
and
gleaming
.
Water
descends
and
sheets
me
like
an
eel
.
Now
hot
towels
envelop
me
,
and
their
roughness
,
as
I
rub
my
back
,
makes
my
blood
purr
.
Rich
and
heavy
sensations
form
on
the
roof
of
my
mind
;
down
showers
the
day
--
the
woods
;
and
Elvedon
;
Susan
and
the
pigeon
.
Pouring
down
the
walls
of
my
mind
,
running
together
,
the
day
falls
copious
,
resplendent
.
Now
I
tie
my
pyjamas
loosely
round
me
,
and
lie
under
this
thin
sheet
afloat
in
the
shallow
light
which
is
like
a
film
of
water
drawn
over
my
eyes
by
a
wave
.
I
hear
through
it
far
off
,
far
away
,
faint
and
far
,
the
chorus
beginning
;
wheels
;
dogs
;
men
shouting
;
church
bells
;
the
chorus
beginning
.
92
'
93
'
As
I
fold
up
my
frock
and
my
chemise
,
'
said
Rhoda
,
's
o
I
put
off
my
hopeless
desire
to
be
Susan
,
to
be
Jinny
.
But
I
will
stretch
my
toes
so
that
they
touch
the
rail
at
the
end
of
the
bed
;
I
will
assure
myself
,
touching
the
rail
,
of
something
hard
.
Now
I
can
not
sink
;
can
not
altogether
fall
through
the
thin
sheet
now
.
Now
I
spread
my
body
on
this
frail
mattress
and
hang
suspended
.
I
am
above
the
earth
now
.
I
am
no
longer
upright
,
to
be
knocked
against
and
damaged
.
All
is
soft
,
and
bending
.
Walls
and
cupboards
whiten
and
bend
their
yellow
squares
on
top
of
which
a
pale
glass
gleams
.
Out
of
me
now
my
mind
can
pour
.
I
can
think
of
my
Armadas
sailing
on
the
high
waves
.
I
am
relieved
of
hard
contacts
and
collisions
.
I
sail
on
alone
under
the
white
cliffs
.
Oh
,
but
I
sink
,
I
fall
!
That
is
the
corner
of
the
cupboard
;
that
is
the
nursery
looking-glass
.
But
they
stretch
,
they
elongate
.
I
sink
down
on
the
black
plumes
of
sleep
;
its
thick
wings
are
pressed
to
my
eyes
.
Travelling
through
darkness
I
see
the
stretched
flower-beds
,
and
Mrs
Constable
runs
from
behind
the
corner
of
the
pampas-grass
to
say
my
aunt
has
come
to
fetch
me
in
a
carriage
.
I
mount
;
I
escape
;
I
rise
on
spring-heeled
boots
over
the
tree-tops
.
But
I
am
now
fallen
into
the
carriage
at
the
hall
door
,
where
she
sits
nodding
yellow
plumes
with
eyes
hard
like
glazed
marbles
.
Oh
,
to
awake
from
dreaming
!
Look
,
there
is
the
chest
of
drawers
.
Let
me
pull
myself
out
of
these
waters
.
Отключить рекламу
94
But
they
heap
themselves
on
me
;
they
sweep
me
between
their
great
shoulders
;
I
am
turned
;
I
am
tumbled
;
I
am
stretched
,
among
these
long
lights
,
these
long
waves
,
these
endless
paths
,
with
people
pursuing
,
pursuing
.
'
95
The
sun
rose
higher
.
Blue
waves
,
green
waves
swept
a
quick
fan
over
the
beach
,
circling
the
spike
of
sea-holly
and
leaving
shallow
pools
of
light
here
and
there
on
the
sand
.
A
faint
black
rim
was
left
behind
them
.
The
rocks
which
had
been
misty
and
soft
hardened
and
were
marked
with
red
clefts
.
96
Sharp
stripes
of
shadow
lay
on
the
grass
,
and
the
dew
dancing
on
the
tips
of
the
flowers
and
leaves
made
the
garden
like
a
mosaic
of
single
sparks
not
yet
formed
into
one
whole
.
The
birds
,
whose
breasts
were
specked
canary
and
rose
,
now
sang
a
strain
or
two
together
,
wildly
,
like
skaters
rollicking
arm-in-arm
,
and
were
suddenly
silent
,
breaking
asunder
.
97
The
sun
laid
broader
blades
upon
the
house
.
The
light
touched
something
green
in
the
window
corner
and
made
it
a
lump
of
emerald
,
a
cave
of
pure
green
like
stoneless
fruit
.
It
sharpened
the
edges
of
chairs
and
tables
and
stitched
white
table-cloths
with
fine
gold
wires
.
As
the
light
increased
a
bud
here
and
there
split
asunder
and
shook
out
flowers
,
green
veined
and
quivering
,
as
if
the
effort
of
opening
had
set
them
rocking
,
and
pealing
a
faint
carillon
as
they
beat
their
frail
clappers
against
their
white
walls
.
Everything
became
softly
amorphous
,
as
if
the
china
of
the
plate
flowed
and
the
steel
of
the
knife
were
liquid
.
Meanwhile
the
concussion
of
the
waves
breaking
fell
with
muffled
thuds
,
like
logs
falling
,
on
the
shore
.
Отключить рекламу
98
'N
ow
,
'
said
Bernard
,
'
the
time
has
come
.
The
day
has
come
.
The
cab
is
at
the
door
.
My
huge
box
bends
George
's
bandy-legs
even
wider
.
The
horrible
ceremony
is
over
,
the
tips
,
and
the
good-byes
in
the
hall
.
Now
there
is
this
gulping
ceremony
with
my
mother
,
this
hand-shaking
ceremony
with
my
father
;
now
I
must
go
on
waving
,
I
must
go
on
waving
,
till
we
turn
the
corner
.
Now
that
ceremony
is
over
.
Heaven
be
praised
,
all
ceremonies
are
over
.
I
am
alone
;
I
am
going
to
school
for
the
first
time
.
99
'
Everybody
seems
to
be
doing
things
for
this
moment
only
;
and
never
again
.
Never
again
.
The
urgency
of
it
all
is
fearful
.
Everybody
knows
I
am
going
to
school
,
going
to
school
for
the
first
time
.
"
That
boy
is
going
to
school
for
the
first
time
,
"
says
the
housemaid
,
cleaning
the
steps
.
I
must
not
cry
.
I
must
behold
them
indifferently
.
Now
the
awful
portals
of
the
station
gape
;
"
the
moon-faced
clock
regards
me
.
"
I
must
make
phrases
and
phrases
and
so
interpose
something
hard
between
myself
and
the
stare
of
housemaids
,
the
stare
of
clocks
,
staring
faces
,
indifferent
faces
,
or
I
shall
cry
.
There
is
Louis
,
there
is
Neville
,
in
long
coats
,
carrying
handbags
,
by
the
booking-office
.
They
are
composed
.
But
they
look
different
.
'
100
'
Here
is
Bernard
,
'
said
Louis
.
'
He
is
composed
;
he
is
easy
.
He
swings
his
bag
as
he
walks
.
I
will
follow
Bernard
,
because
he
is
not
afraid
.
We
are
drawn
through
the
booking-office
on
to
the
platform
as
a
stream
draws
twigs
and
straws
round
the
piers
of
a
bridge
.
There
is
the
very
powerful
,
bottle-green
engine
without
a
neck
,
all
back
and
thighs
,
breathing
steam
.