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“
You
tell
me
,
”
Beth
said
.
*
*
*
She
panicked
for
a
moment
as
he
pushed
himself
into
her
.
It
seemed
frighteningly
big
,
and
she
felt
helpless
,
as
if
she
were
in
a
dentist
’
s
chair
.
But
that
didn
’
t
last
.
He
was
careful
,
and
it
didn
’
t
hurt
badly
.
She
put
her
arms
around
his
back
,
feeling
the
roughness
of
his
bulky
sweater
.
He
began
moving
.
He
began
to
squeeze
her
breasts
under
her
blouse
.
“
Don
’
t
do
that
,
”
she
said
,
and
he
said
,
“
Whatever
you
say
,
”
and
kept
moving
in
and
out
.
She
could
barely
feel
his
penis
now
,
but
it
was
all
right
.
She
was
seventeen
,
and
it
was
about
time
.
He
was
wearing
a
condom
.
The
best
part
had
been
watching
him
put
it
on
,
joking
about
it
.
What
they
were
doing
was
really
all
right
and
nothing
like
books
or
movies
.
Fucking
.
Well
,
now
.
If
only
he
were
Townes
.
Afterward
she
fell
asleep
on
the
bed
.
Not
in
a
lovers
’
embrace
,
not
even
touching
the
man
she
had
just
made
love
with
,
but
sprawled
out
on
the
bed
with
her
clothes
on
.
She
saw
Tim
blow
out
the
candle
and
heard
the
door
close
quietly
after
him
.
When
she
awoke
,
she
saw
by
the
electric
alarm
clock
that
it
was
nearly
ten
in
the
morning
.
Sunlight
came
around
the
edges
of
the
bedroom
window
blinds
.
The
air
smelled
stale
.
Her
legs
were
prickly
from
her
wool
skirt
,
and
the
neck
of
her
sweater
had
been
pressed
against
her
throat
,
which
felt
sweaty
.
She
was
ferociously
hungry
.
She
sat
on
the
edge
of
the
bed
a
minute
,
blinking
.
She
got
up
and
pushed
open
the
kitchen
door
.
Empty
bottles
and
beer
cans
were
everywhere
.
The
air
was
foul
with
dead
smoke
.
A
note
was
fastened
to
the
refrigerator
door
with
a
magnet
in
the
shape
of
Mickey
Mouse
’
s
head
.
It
read
:
“
Everybody
went
to
Cincinnati
to
see
a
movie
.
Stay
as
long
as
you
like
.
”
The
bathroom
was
off
the
living
room
.
When
she
had
finished
showering
and
had
dried
herself
,
she
wrapped
a
towel
around
her
hair
,
went
back
to
the
kitchen
and
opened
the
refrigerator
.
There
were
eggs
in
a
carton
,
two
cans
of
Budweiser
and
some
pickles
.
On
the
door
shelf
was
a
Baggie
.
She
picked
it
up
.
Inside
was
a
single
,
tightly
rolled
joint
.
She
took
it
out
,
put
it
in
her
mouth
and
lit
it
with
a
wooden
match
.
She
inhaled
deeply
.
Then
she
took
out
four
eggs
and
put
them
on
to
boil
.
She
had
never
felt
so
hungry
in
her
life
.
She
cleaned
up
the
apartment
in
an
organized
way
,
as
if
she
were
playing
chess
,
getting
four
large
grocery
bags
to
put
all
the
bottles
and
butts
in
and
stacking
these
on
the
back
porch
.
She
found
a
half
-
full
bottle
of
Ripple
and
four
unopened
beer
cans
in
the
debris
.
She
opened
a
beer
and
began
vacuuming
the
living
-
room
carpet
.
Hanging
over
a
chair
in
the
bedroom
was
a
pair
of
jeans
.
When
she
had
finished
cleaning
she
changed
into
them
.
They
fit
her
perfectly
.
She
found
a
white
T
-
shirt
in
a
drawer
and
put
it
on
.
Then
she
drank
the
rest
of
her
beer
and
opened
another
.
Someone
had
left
a
lipstick
on
the
back
of
the
toilet
.
She
went
to
the
bathroom
and
studying
herself
in
the
mirror
,
reddened
her
lips
carefully
.
She
had
never
worn
lipstick
before
.
She
was
beginning
to
feel
very
good
.
*
*
*
