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- Томас Харди
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- Стр. 308/383
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Almost
for
the
first
time
in
his
life
,
Troy
,
as
he
stood
by
this
dismantled
grave
,
wished
himself
another
man
.
It
is
seldom
that
a
person
with
much
animal
spirit
does
not
feel
that
the
fact
of
his
life
being
his
own
is
the
one
qualification
which
singles
it
out
as
a
more
hopeful
life
than
that
of
others
who
may
actually
resemble
him
in
every
particular
.
Troy
had
felt
,
in
his
transient
way
,
hundreds
of
times
,
that
he
could
not
envy
other
people
their
condition
,
because
the
possession
of
that
condition
would
have
necessitated
a
different
personality
,
when
he
desired
no
other
than
his
own
.
He
had
not
minded
the
peculiarities
of
his
birth
,
the
vicissitudes
of
his
life
,
the
meteor
-
like
uncertainty
of
all
that
related
to
him
,
because
these
appertained
to
the
hero
of
his
story
,
without
whom
there
would
have
been
no
story
at
all
for
him
;
and
it
seemed
to
be
only
in
the
nature
of
things
that
matters
would
right
themselves
at
some
proper
date
and
wind
up
well
.
This
very
morning
the
illusion
completed
its
disappearance
,
and
,
as
it
were
,
all
of
a
sudden
,
Troy
hated
himself
.
The
suddenness
was
probably
more
apparent
than
real
.
A
coral
reef
which
just
comes
short
of
the
ocean
surface
is
no
more
to
the
horizon
than
if
it
had
never
been
begun
,
and
the
mere
finishing
stroke
is
what
often
appears
to
create
an
event
which
has
long
been
potentially
an
accomplished
thing
.
He
stood
and
meditated
—
a
miserable
man
.
Whither
should
he
go
?
"
He
that
is
accursed
,
let
him
be
accursed
still
,
"
was
the
pitiless
anathema
written
in
this
spoliated
effort
of
his
new
-
born
solicitousness
.
A
man
who
has
spent
his
primal
strength
in
journeying
in
one
direction
has
not
much
spirit
left
for
reversing
his
course
.
Troy
had
,
since
yesterday
,
faintly
reversed
his
;
but
the
merest
opposition
had
disheartened
him
.
To
turn
about
would
have
been
hard
enough
under
the
greatest
providential
encouragement
;
but
to
find
that
Providence
,
far
from
helping
him
into
a
new
course
,
or
showing
any
wish
that
he
might
adopt
one
,
actually
jeered
his
first
trembling
and
critical
attempt
in
that
kind
,
was
more
than
nature
could
bear
.
He
slowly
withdrew
from
the
grave
.
He
did
not
attempt
to
fill
up
the
hole
,
replace
the
flowers
,
or
do
anything
at
all
.
He
simply
threw
up
his
cards
and
forswore
his
game
for
that
time
and
always
.
Going
out
of
the
churchyard
silently
and
unobserved
—
none
of
the
villagers
having
yet
risen
—
he
passed
down
some
fields
at
the
back
,
and
emerged
just
as
secretly
upon
the
high
road
.
Shortly
afterwards
he
had
gone
from
the
village
.
Meanwhile
,
Bathsheba
remained
a
voluntary
prisoner
in
the
attic
.
The
door
was
kept
locked
,
except
during
the
entries
and
exits
of
Liddy
,
for
whom
a
bed
had
been
arranged
in
a
small
adjoining
room
.
The
light
of
Troy
’
s
lantern
in
the
churchyard
was
noticed
about
ten
o
’
clock
by
the
maid
-
servant
,
who
casually
glanced
from
the
window
in
that
direction
whilst
taking
her
supper
,
and
she
called
Bathsheba
’
s
attention
to
it
.
They
looked
curiously
at
the
phenomenon
for
a
time
,
until
Liddy
was
sent
to
bed
.
Bathsheba
did
not
sleep
very
heavily
that
night
.
When
her
attendant
was
unconscious
and
softly
breathing
in
the
next
room
,
the
mistress
of
the
house
was
still
looking
out
of
the
window
at
the
faint
gleam
spreading
from
among
the
trees
—
not
in
a
steady
shine
,
but
blinking
like
a
revolving
coast
-
light
,
though
this
appearance
failed
to
suggest
to
her
that
a
person
was
passing
and
repassing
in
front
of
it
.
Bathsheba
sat
here
till
it
began
to
rain
,
and
the
light
vanished
,
when
she
withdrew
to
lie
restlessly
in
her
bed
and
re
-
enact
in
a
worn
mind
the
lurid
scene
of
yesternight
.
Almost
before
the
first
faint
sign
of
dawn
appeared
she
arose
again
,
and
opened
the
window
to
obtain
a
full
breathing
of
the
new
morning
air
,
the
panes
being
now
wet
with
trembling
tears
left
by
the
night
rain
,
each
one
rounded
with
a
pale
lustre
caught
from
primrose
-
hued
slashes
through
a
cloud
low
down
in
the
awakening
sky
.
From
the
trees
came
the
sound
of
steady
dripping
upon
the
drifted
leaves
under
them
,
and
from
the
direction
of
the
church
she
could
hear
another
noise
—
peculiar
,
and
not
intermittent
like
the
rest
,
the
purl
of
water
falling
into
a
pool
.
Liddy
knocked
at
eight
o
’
clock
,
and
Bathsheba
un
-
locked
the
door
.
