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"
I
am
beyond
myself
about
this
,
and
am
mad
,
"
he
said
.
"
I
am
no
stoic
at
all
to
be
supplicating
here
;
but
I
do
supplicate
to
you
.
I
wish
you
knew
what
is
in
me
of
devotion
to
you
;
but
it
is
impossible
,
that
.
In
bare
human
mercy
to
a
lonely
man
,
don
’
t
throw
me
off
now
!
"
"
I
don
’
t
throw
you
off
—
indeed
,
how
can
I
?
I
never
had
you
.
"
In
her
noon
-
clear
sense
that
she
had
never
loved
him
she
forgot
for
a
moment
her
thoughtless
angle
on
that
day
in
February
.
"
But
there
was
a
time
when
you
turned
to
me
,
before
I
thought
of
you
!
I
don
’
t
reproach
you
,
for
even
now
I
feel
that
the
ignorant
and
cold
darkness
that
I
should
have
lived
in
if
you
had
not
attracted
me
by
that
letter
—
valentine
you
call
it
—
would
have
been
worse
than
my
knowledge
of
you
,
though
it
has
brought
this
misery
.
But
,
I
say
,
there
was
a
time
when
I
knew
nothing
of
you
,
and
cared
nothing
for
you
,
and
yet
you
drew
me
on
.
And
if
you
say
you
gave
me
no
encouragement
,
I
cannot
but
contradict
you
.
"
"
What
you
call
encouragement
was
the
childish
game
of
an
idle
minute
.
I
have
bitterly
repented
of
it
—
ay
,
bitterly
,
and
in
tears
.
Can
you
still
go
on
reminding
me
?
"
"
I
don
’
t
accuse
you
of
it
—
I
deplore
it
.
I
took
for
earnest
what
you
insist
was
jest
,
and
now
this
that
I
pray
to
be
jest
you
say
is
awful
,
wretched
earnest
.
Our
moods
meet
at
wrong
places
.
I
wish
your
feeling
was
more
like
mine
,
or
my
feeling
more
like
yours
!
Oh
,
could
I
but
have
foreseen
the
torture
that
trifling
trick
was
going
to
lead
me
into
,
how
I
should
have
cursed
you
;
but
only
having
been
able
to
see
it
since
,
I
cannot
do
that
,
for
I
love
you
too
well
!
But
it
is
weak
,
idle
drivelling
to
go
on
like
this
…
Bathsheba
,
you
are
the
first
woman
of
any
shade
or
nature
that
I
have
ever
looked
at
to
love
,
and
it
is
the
having
been
so
near
claiming
you
for
my
own
that
makes
this
denial
so
hard
to
bear
.
How
nearly
you
promised
me
!
But
I
don
’
t
speak
now
to
move
your
heart
,
and
make
you
grieve
because
of
my
pain
;
it
is
no
use
,
that
.
I
must
bear
it
;
my
pain
would
get
no
less
by
paining
you
.
"
"
But
I
do
pity
you
—
deeply
—
O
,
so
deeply
!
"
she
earnestly
said
.
"
Do
no
such
thing
—
do
no
such
thing
.
Your
dear
love
,
Bathsheba
,
is
such
a
vast
thing
beside
your
pity
,
that
the
loss
of
your
pity
as
well
as
your
love
is
no
great
addition
to
my
sorrow
,
nor
does
the
gain
of
your
pity
make
it
sensibly
less
.
O
sweet
—
how
dearly
you
spoke
to
me
behind
the
spear
-
bed
at
the
washing
-
pool
,
and
in
the
barn
at
the
shearing
,
and
that
dearest
last
time
in
the
evening
at
your
home
!
Where
are
your
pleasant
words
all
gone
—
your
earnest
hope
to
be
able
to
love
me
?
Where
is
your
firm
conviction
that
you
would
get
to
care
for
me
very
much
?
Really
forgotten
?
—
really
?
"
She
checked
emotion
,
looked
him
quietly
and
clearly
in
the
face
,
and
said
in
her
low
,
firm
voice
,
"
Mr
.
Boldwood
,
I
promised
you
nothing
.
Would
you
have
had
me
a
woman
of
clay
when
you
paid
me
that
furthest
,
highest
compliment
a
man
can
pay
a
woman
—
telling
her
he
loves
her
?
I
was
bound
to
show
some
feeling
,
if
I
would
not
be
a
graceless
shrew
.
Yet
each
of
those
pleasures
was
just
for
the
day
—
the
day
just
for
the
pleasure
.
How
was
I
to
know
that
what
is
a
pastime
to
all
other
men
was
death
to
you
?
Have
reason
,
do
,
and
think
more
kindly
of
me
!
"
