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"
Being
a
thief
,
apparently
.
"
"
A
member
of
the
Watch
?
"
said
the
secretary
.
"
I
know
.
But
just
sort
it
out
,
will
you
?
"
The
Patrician
smiled
to
himself
.
It
was
always
hard
to
fathom
Lord
Vetinari
’
s
idiosyncratic
sense
of
humour
,
but
a
vision
of
the
red
-
faced
,
irate
head
thief
kept
coming
back
to
him
.
One
of
the
Patrician
’
s
greatest
contributions
to
the
reliable
operation
of
Ankh
-
Morpork
had
been
,
very
early
in
his
administration
,
the
legalising
of
the
ancient
Guild
of
Thieves
.
Crime
was
always
with
us
,
he
reasoned
,
and
therefore
,
if
you
were
going
to
have
crime
,
it
at
least
should
be
organised
crime
.
And
so
the
Guild
had
been
encouraged
to
come
out
of
the
shadows
and
build
a
big
Guildhouse
,
take
their
place
at
civic
banquets
,
and
set
up
their
training
college
with
day
-
release
courses
and
City
and
Guilds
certificates
and
everything
.
In
exchange
for
the
winding
down
of
the
Watch
,
they
agreed
,
while
trying
to
keep
their
faces
straight
,
to
keep
crime
levels
to
a
level
to
be
determined
annually
.
That
way
,
everyone
could
plan
ahead
,
said
Lord
Vetinari
,
and
part
of
the
uncertainty
had
been
removed
from
the
chaos
that
is
life
.
And
then
,
a
little
while
later
,
the
Patrician
summoned
the
leading
thieves
again
and
said
,
oh
,
by
the
way
,
there
was
something
else
.
What
was
it
,
now
?
Oh
,
yes
.
.
.
I
know
who
you
are
,
he
said
.
I
know
where
you
live
.
I
know
what
kind
of
horse
you
ride
.
I
know
where
your
wife
has
her
hair
done
.
I
know
where
your
lovely
children
,
how
old
are
they
now
,
my
,
doesn
’
t
time
fly
,
I
know
where
they
play
.
So
you
won
’
t
forget
about
what
we
agreed
,
will
you
?
And
he
smiled
.
So
did
they
,
after
a
fashion
.
