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- Теодор Драйзер
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- Стр. 302/332
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She
paused
for
a
moment
,
uncertain
how
to
take
this
,
the
while
she
whitened
,
grew
more
tense
,
more
spiritual
than
she
had
been
in
many
a
day
.
Now
she
felt
desperate
,
angry
,
sick
,
but
like
the
scorpion
that
ringed
by
fire
can
turn
only
on
itself
.
What
a
hell
life
was
,
she
told
herself
.
How
it
slipped
away
and
left
one
aging
,
horribly
alone
!
Love
was
nothing
,
faith
nothing
--
nothing
,
nothing
!
A
fine
light
of
conviction
,
intensity
,
intention
lit
her
eye
for
the
moment
.
"
Very
well
,
then
,
"
she
said
,
coolly
,
tensely
.
"
I
know
what
I
'll
do
.
I
'll
not
live
this
way
.
I
'll
not
live
beyond
to-night
.
I
want
to
die
,
anyhow
,
and
I
will
.
"
It
was
by
no
means
a
cry
,
this
last
,
but
a
calm
statement
.
It
should
prove
her
love
.
To
Cowperwood
it
seemed
unreal
,
bravado
,
a
momentary
rage
intended
to
frighten
him
.
She
turned
and
walked
up
the
grand
staircase
,
which
was
near
--
a
splendid
piece
of
marble
and
bronze
fifteen
feet
wide
,
with
marble
nereids
for
newel-posts
,
and
dancing
figures
worked
into
the
stone
.
She
went
into
her
room
quite
calmly
and
took
up
a
steel
paper-cutter
of
dagger
design
--
a
knife
with
a
handle
of
bronze
and
a
point
of
great
sharpness
.
Coming
out
and
going
along
the
balcony
over
the
court
of
orchids
,
where
Cowperwood
still
was
seated
,
she
entered
the
sunrise
room
with
its
pool
of
water
,
its
birds
,
its
benches
,
its
vines
.
Locking
the
door
,
she
sat
down
and
then
,
suddenly
baring
an
arm
,
jabbed
a
vein
--
ripped
it
for
inches
--
and
sat
there
to
bleed
.
Now
she
would
see
whether
she
could
die
,
whether
he
would
let
her
.
Uncertain
,
astonished
,
not
able
to
believe
that
she
could
be
so
rash
,
not
believing
that
her
feeling
could
be
so
great
,
Cowperwood
still
remained
where
she
had
left
him
wondering
.
He
had
not
been
so
greatly
moved
--
the
tantrums
of
women
were
common
--
and
yet
--
Could
she
really
be
contemplating
death
?
How
could
she
?
How
ridiculous
!
Life
was
so
strange
,
so
mad
.
But
this
was
Aileen
who
had
just
made
this
threat
,
and
she
had
gone
up
the
stairs
to
carry
it
out
,
perhaps
.
Impossible
!
How
could
it
be
?
Yet
back
of
all
his
doubts
there
was
a
kind
of
sickening
feeling
,
a
dread
.
He
recalled
how
she
had
assaulted
Rita
Sohlberg
.
He
hurried
up
the
steps
now
and
into
her
room
.
She
was
not
there
.
He
went
quickly
along
the
balcony
,
looking
here
and
there
,
until
he
came
to
the
sunrise
room
.
She
must
be
there
,
for
the
door
was
shut
.
He
tried
it
--
it
was
locked
.
"
Aileen
,
"
he
called
.
"
Aileen
!
Are
you
in
there
?
"
No
answer
.
He
listened
.
Still
no
answer
.
"
Aileen
!
"
he
repeated
.
"
Are
you
in
there
?
What
damned
nonsense
is
this
,
anyhow
?
"
"
George
!
"
he
thought
to
himself
,
stepping
back
;
"
she
might
do
it
,
too
--
perhaps
she
has
.
"
He
could
not
hear
anything
save
the
odd
chattering
of
a
toucan
aroused
by
the
light
she
had
switched
on
.
Perspiration
stood
out
on
his
brow
.
He
shook
the
knob
,
pushed
a
bell
for
a
servant
,
called
for
keys
which
had
been
made
for
every
door
,
called
for
a
chisel
and
hammer
.
"
Aileen
,
"
he
said
,
"
if
you
do
n't
open
the
door
this
instant
I
will
see
that
it
is
opened
.
It
can
be
opened
quick
enough
.
"
