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- Теодор Драйзер
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- Стр. 8/598
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For
Clyde
was
as
vain
and
proud
as
he
was
poor
.
He
was
one
of
those
interesting
individuals
who
looked
upon
himself
as
a
thing
apart
--
never
quite
wholly
and
indissolubly
merged
with
the
family
of
which
he
was
a
member
,
and
never
with
any
profound
obligations
to
those
who
had
been
responsible
for
his
coming
into
the
world
.
On
the
contrary
,
he
was
inclined
to
study
his
parents
,
not
too
sharply
or
bitterly
,
but
with
a
very
fair
grasp
of
their
qualities
and
capabilities
.
And
yet
,
with
so
much
judgment
in
that
direction
,
he
was
never
quite
able
--
at
least
not
until
he
had
reached
his
sixteenth
year
--
to
formulate
any
policy
in
regard
to
himself
,
and
then
only
in
a
rather
fumbling
and
tentative
way
.
Incidentally
by
that
time
the
sex
lure
or
appeal
had
begun
to
manifest
itself
and
he
was
already
intensely
interested
and
troubled
by
the
beauty
of
the
opposite
sex
,
its
attractions
for
him
and
his
attraction
for
it
.
And
,
naturally
and
coincidentally
,
the
matter
of
his
clothes
and
his
physical
appearance
had
begun
to
trouble
him
not
a
little
--
how
he
looked
and
how
other
boys
looked
.
It
was
painful
to
him
now
to
think
that
his
clothes
were
not
right
;
that
he
was
not
as
handsome
as
he
might
be
,
not
as
interesting
.
What
a
wretched
thing
it
was
to
be
born
poor
and
not
to
have
any
one
to
do
anything
for
you
and
not
to
be
able
to
do
so
very
much
for
yourself
!
Casual
examination
of
himself
in
mirrors
whenever
he
found
them
tended
rather
to
assure
him
that
he
was
not
so
bad-looking
--
a
straight
,
well-cut
nose
,
high
white
forehead
,
wavy
,
glossy
,
black
hair
,
eyes
that
were
black
and
rather
melancholy
at
times
.
And
yet
the
fact
that
his
family
was
the
unhappy
thing
that
it
was
,
that
he
had
never
had
any
real
friends
,
and
could
not
have
any
,
as
he
saw
it
,
because
of
the
work
and
connection
of
his
parents
,
was
now
tending
more
and
more
to
induce
a
kind
of
mental
depression
or
melancholia
which
promised
not
so
well
for
his
future
.
It
served
to
make
him
rebellious
and
hence
lethargic
at
times
.
Because
of
his
parents
,
and
in
spite
of
his
looks
,
which
were
really
agreeable
and
more
appealing
than
most
,
he
was
inclined
to
misinterpret
the
interested
looks
which
were
cast
at
him
occasionally
by
young
girls
in
very
different
walks
of
life
from
him
--
the
contemptuous
and
yet
rather
inviting
way
in
which
they
looked
to
see
if
he
were
interested
or
disinterested
,
brave
or
cowardly
And
yet
,
before
he
had
ever
earned
any
money
at
all
,
he
had
always
told
himself
that
if
only
he
had
a
better
collar
,
a
nicer
shirt
,
finer
shoes
,
a
good
suit
,
a
swell
overcoat
like
some
boys
had
!
Oh
,
the
fine
clothes
,
the
handsome
homes
,
the
watches
,
rings
,
pins
that
some
boys
sported
;
the
dandies
many
youths
of
his
years
already
were
!
Some
parents
of
boys
of
his
years
actually
gave
them
cars
of
their
own
to
ride
in
.
They
were
to
be
seen
upon
the
principal
streets
of
Kansas
City
flitting
to
and
fro
like
flies
.
And
pretty
girls
with
them
.
And
he
had
nothing
.
And
he
never
had
had
.
And
yet
the
world
was
so
full
of
so
many
things
to
do
--
so
many
people
were
so
happy
and
so
successful
.
What
was
he
to
do
?
Which
way
to
turn
?
What
one
thing
to
take
up
and
master
--
something
that
would
get
him
somewhere
.
He
could
not
say
.
He
did
not
know
exactly
.
And
these
peculiar
parents
were
in
no
way
sufficiently
equipped
to
advise
him
.
One
of
the
things
that
served
to
darken
Clyde
's
mood
just
about
the
time
when
he
was
seeking
some
practical
solution
for
himself
,
to
say
nothing
of
its
profoundly
disheartening
effect
on
the
Griffiths
family
as
a
whole
,
was
the
fact
that
his
sister
Esta
,
in
whom
he
took
no
little
interest
(
although
they
really
had
very
little
in
common
)
,
ran
away
from
home
with
an
actor
who
happened
to
be
playing
in
Kansas
City
and
who
took
a
passing
fancy
for
her
.
The
truth
in
regard
to
Esta
was
that
in
spite
of
her
guarded
up
-
bringing
,
and
the
seeming
religious
and
moral
fervor
which
at
times
appeared
to
characterize
her
,
she
was
just
a
sensuous
,
weak
girl
who
did
not
by
any
means
know
yet
what
she
thought
.
Despite
the
atmosphere
in
which
she
moved
,
essentially
she
was
not
of
it
.
Like
the
large
majority
of
those
who
profess
and
daily
repeat
the
dogmas
and
creeds
of
the
world
,
she
had
come
into
her
practices
and
imagined
attitude
so
insensibly
from
her
earliest
childhood
on
,
that
up
to
this
time
,
and
even
later
,
she
did
not
know
the
meaning
of
it
all
.
For
the
necessity
of
thought
had
been
obviated
by
advice
and
law
,
or
"
revealed
"
truth
,
and
so
long
as
other
theories
or
situations
and
impulses
of
an
external
or
even
internal
,
character
did
not
arise
to
clash
with
these
,
she
was
safe
enough
.
Once
they
did
,
however
,
it
was
a
foregone
conclusion
that
her
religious
notions
,
not
being
grounded
on
any
conviction
or
temperamental
bias
of
her
own
,
were
not
likely
to
withstand
the
shock
.
So
that
all
the
while
,
and
not
unlike
her
brother
Clyde
,
her
thoughts
as
well
as
her
emotions
were
wandering
here
and
there
--
to
love
,
to
comfort
--
to
things
which
in
the
main
had
little
,
if
anything
,
to
do
with
any
self-abnegating
and
self-immolating
religious
theory
.
Within
her
was
a
chemism
of
dreams
which
somehow
counteracted
all
they
had
to
say
.
Yet
she
had
neither
Clyde
's
force
,
nor
,
on
the
other
hand
,
his
resistance
.
She
was
in
the
main
a
drifter
,
with
a
vague
yearning
toward
pretty
dresses
,
hats
,
shoes
,
ribbons
and
the
like
,
and
super-imposed
above
this
,
the
religious
theory
or
notion
that
she
should
not
be
.
There
were
the
long
bright
streets
of
a
morning
and
afternoon
after
school
or
of
an
evening
.
The
charm
of
certain
girls
swinging
along
together
,
arms
locked
,
secrets
a-whispering
,
or
that
of
boys
,
clownish
,
yet
revealing
through
their
bounding
ridiculous
animality
the
force
and
meaning
of
that
chemistry
and
urge
toward
mating
which
lies
back
of
all
youthful
thought
and
action
.
And
in
herself
,
as
from
time
to
time
she
observed
lovers
or
flirtation-seekers
who
lingered
at
street
corners
or
about
doorways
,
and
who
looked
at
her
in
a
longing
and
seeking
way
,
there
was
a
stirring
,
a
nerve
plasm
palpitation
that
spoke
loudly
for
all
the
seemingly
material
things
of
life
,
not
for
the
thin
pleasantries
of
heaven
.
