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- Теодор Драйзер
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- Американская трагедия
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- Стр. 59/598
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And
Clyde
felt
for
the
moment
as
though
he
could
cry
too
.
For
life
was
so
strange
,
so
hard
at
times
.
See
how
it
had
treated
him
all
these
years
.
He
had
had
nothing
until
recently
and
always
wanted
to
run
away
.
But
Esta
had
done
so
,
and
see
what
had
befallen
her
.
And
somehow
he
recalled
her
between
the
tall
walls
of
the
big
buildings
here
in
the
business
district
,
sitting
at
his
father
's
little
street
organ
and
singing
and
looking
so
innocent
and
good
.
Gee
,
life
was
tough
.
What
a
rough
world
it
was
anyhow
.
How
queer
things
went
!
He
looked
at
her
and
the
room
,
and
finally
,
telling
her
that
she
would
n't
be
left
alone
,
and
that
he
would
come
again
,
only
she
must
n't
tell
his
mother
he
had
been
there
,
and
that
if
she
needed
anything
she
could
call
on
him
although
he
was
n't
making
so
very
much
,
either
--
and
then
went
out
.
And
then
,
walking
toward
the
hotel
to
go
to
work
,
he
kept
dwelling
on
the
thought
of
how
miserable
it
all
was
--
how
sorry
he
was
that
he
had
followed
his
mother
,
for
then
he
might
not
have
known
.
But
even
so
,
it
would
have
come
out
.
His
mother
could
not
have
concealed
it
from
him
indefinitely
.
She
would
have
asked
for
more
money
eventually
maybe
.
But
what
a
dog
that
man
was
to
go
off
and
leave
his
sister
in
a
big
strange
city
without
a
dime
.
He
puzzled
,
thinking
now
of
the
girl
who
had
been
deserted
in
the
Green
--
Davidson
some
months
before
with
a
room
and
board
bill
unpaid
.
And
how
comic
it
had
seemed
to
him
and
the
other
boys
at
the
time
--
highly
colored
with
a
sensual
interest
in
it
.
But
this
,
well
,
this
was
his
own
sister
.
A
man
had
thought
so
little
of
his
sister
as
that
.
And
yet
,
try
as
he
would
,
he
could
no
longer
think
that
it
was
as
terrible
as
when
he
heard
her
crying
in
the
room
Here
was
this
brisk
,
bright
city
about
him
running
with
people
and
effort
,
and
this
gay
hotel
in
which
he
worked
.
That
was
not
so
bad
.
Besides
there
was
his
own
love
affair
,
Hortense
,
and
pleasures
.
There
must
be
some
way
out
for
Esta
.
She
would
get
well
again
and
be
all
right
.
But
to
think
of
his
being
part
of
a
family
that
was
always
so
poor
and
so
little
thought
of
that
things
like
this
could
happen
to
it
--
one
thing
and
another
--
like
street
preaching
,
not
being
able
to
pay
the
rent
at
times
,
his
father
selling
rugs
and
clocks
for
a
living
on
the
streets
--
Esta
running
away
and
coming
to
an
end
like
this
.
Gee
!
The
result
of
all
this
on
Clyde
was
to
cause
him
to
think
more
specifically
on
the
problem
of
the
sexes
than
he
ever
had
before
,
and
by
no
means
in
any
orthodox
way
.
For
while
he
condemned
his
sister
's
lover
for
thus
ruthlessly
deserting
her
,
still
he
was
not
willing
to
hold
her
entirely
blameless
by
any
means
.
She
had
gone
off
with
him
.
As
he
now
learned
from
her
,
he
had
been
in
the
city
for
a
week
the
year
before
she
ran
away
with
him
,
and
it
was
then
that
he
had
introduced
himself
to
her
.
The
following
year
when
he
returned
for
two
weeks
,
it
was
she
who
looked
him
up
,
or
so
Clyde
suspected
,
at
any
rate
.
And
in
view
of
his
own
interest
in
and
mood
regarding
Hortense
Briggs
,
it
was
not
for
him
to
say
that
there
was
anything
wrong
with
the
sex
relation
in
itself
.
Rather
,
as
he
saw
it
now
,
the
difficulty
lay
,
not
in
the
deed
itself
,
but
in
the
consequences
which
followed
upon
not
thinking
or
not
knowing
.
For
had
Esta
known
more
of
the
man
in
whom
she
was
interested
,
more
of
what
such
a
relationship
with
him
meant
,
she
would
not
be
in
her
present
pathetic
plight
.
Certainly
such
girls
as
Hortense
Briggs
,
Greta
and
Louise
,
would
never
have
allowed
themselves
to
be
put
in
any
such
position
as
Esta
.
Or
would
they
?
They
were
too
shrewd
.
And
by
contrast
with
them
in
his
mind
,
at
least
at
this
time
,
she
suffered
.
She
ought
,
as
he
saw
it
,
to
have
been
able
to
manage
better
.
And
so
,
by
degrees
,
his
attitude
toward
her
hardened
in
some
measure
,
though
his
feeling
was
not
one
of
indifference
either
.
But
the
one
influence
that
was
affecting
and
troubling
and
changing
him
now
was
his
infatuation
for
Hortense
Briggs
--
than
which
no
more
agitating
influence
could
have
come
to
a
youth
of
his
years
and
temperament
.
She
seemed
,
after
his
few
contacts
with
her
,
to
be
really
the
perfect
realization
of
all
that
he
had
previously
wished
for
in
a
girl
.
She
was
so
bright
,
vain
,
engaging
,
and
so
truly
pretty
.
Her
eyes
,
as
they
seemed
to
him
,
had
a
kind
of
dancing
fire
in
them
.
She
had
a
most
entrancing
way
of
pursing
and
parting
her
lips
and
at
the
same
time
looking
straightly
and
indifferently
before
her
,
as
though
she
were
not
thinking
of
him
,
which
to
him
was
both
flame
and
fever
.
It
caused
him
,
actually
,
to
feel
weak
and
dizzy
,
at
times
,
cruelly
seared
in
his
veins
with
minute
and
wriggling
threads
of
fire
,
and
this
could
only
be
described
as
conscious
lust
,
a
torturesome
and
yet
unescapable
thing
which
yet
in
her
case
he
was
unable
to
prosecute
beyond
embracing
and
kissing
,
a
form
of
reserve
and
respect
in
regard
to
her
which
she
really
resented
in
the
very
youths
in
whom
she
sought
to
inspire
it
.
The
type
of
boy
for
whom
she
really
cared
and
was
always
seeking
was
one
who
could
sweep
away
all
such
psuedo-ingenuousness
and
superiorities
in
her
and
force
her
,
even
against
herself
,
to
yield
to
him
.
In
fact
she
was
constantly
wavering
between
actual
like
and
dislike
of
him
.
And
in
consequence
,
he
was
in
constant
doubt
as
to
where
he
stood
,
a
state
which
was
very
much
relished
by
her
and
yet
which
was
never
permitted
to
become
so
fixed
in
his
mind
as
to
cause
him
to
give
her
up
entirely
.
After
some
party
or
dinner
or
theater
to
which
she
had
permitted
him
to
take
her
,
and
throughout
which
he
had
been
particularly
tactful
--
not
too
assertive
--
she
could
be
as
yielding
and
enticing
in
her
mood
as
the
most
ambitious
lover
would
have
liked
.
And
this
might
last
until
the
evening
was
nearly
over
,
when
suddenly
,
and
at
her
own
door
or
the
room
or
house
of
some
girl
with
whom
she
was
spending
the
night
,
she
would
turn
,
and
without
rhyme
or
reason
,
endeavor
to
dismiss
him
with
a
mere
handclasp
or
a
thinly
flavored
embrace
or
kiss
.
At
such
times
,
if
Clyde
was
foolish
enough
to
endeavor
to
force
her
to
yield
the
favors
he
craved
,
she
would
turn
on
him
with
the
fury
of
a
spiteful
cat
,
would
tear
herself
away
,
developing
for
the
moment
,
seemingly
,
an
intense
mood
of
opposition
which
she
could
scarcely
have
explained
to
herself
.
Its
chief
mental
content
appeared
to
be
one
of
opposition
to
being
compelled
by
him
to
do
anything
.
And
,
because
of
his
infatuation
and
his
weak
overtures
due
to
his
inordinate
fear
of
losing
her
,
he
would
be
forced
to
depart
,
usually
in
a
dark
and
despondent
mood
.
