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- Теодор Драйзер
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- Американская трагедия
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- Стр. 582/598
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In
connection
with
his
mental
state
also
there
in
the
boat
,
before
and
after
her
rising
and
attempting
to
come
to
him
--
and
that
blow
,
and
after
--
he
had
not
told
the
truth
either
--
quite
.
That
unintentional
blow
,
as
he
now
wished
to
explain
,
since
it
affected
his
efforts
at
religious
meditation
--
a
desire
to
present
himself
honestly
to
his
Creator
,
if
at
all
(
he
did
not
then
explain
that
as
yet
he
had
scarcely
attempted
to
so
present
himself
)
--
there
was
more
to
it
than
he
had
been
able
yet
to
make
clear
,
even
to
himself
.
In
fact
even
now
to
himself
there
was
much
that
was
evasive
and
even
insoluble
about
it
.
He
had
said
that
there
had
been
no
anger
--
that
there
had
been
a
change
of
heart
.
But
there
had
been
no
change
of
heart
.
In
fact
,
just
before
she
had
risen
to
come
to
him
,
there
had
been
a
complex
troubled
state
,
bordering
,
as
he
now
saw
it
,
almost
upon
trance
or
palsy
,
and
due
--
but
he
could
scarcely
say
to
what
it
was
due
,
exactly
.
He
had
thought
at
first
--
or
afterwards
--
that
it
was
partly
due
to
pity
for
Roberta
--
or
,
at
least
the
shame
of
so
much
cruelty
in
connection
with
her
--
his
plan
to
strike
her
.
At
the
same
time
there
was
anger
,
too
--
hate
maybe
--
because
of
her
determination
to
force
him
to
do
what
he
did
not
wish
to
do
.
Thirdly
--
yet
he
was
not
so
sure
as
to
that
--
(
he
had
thought
about
it
so
long
and
yet
he
was
not
sure
even
now
)
--
there
might
have
been
fear
as
to
the
consequences
of
such
an
evil
deed
--
although
,
just
at
that
time
,
as
it
seemed
to
him
now
,
he
was
not
thinking
of
the
consequences
--
or
of
anything
save
his
inability
to
do
as
he
had
come
to
do
--
and
feeling
angry
as
to
that
.
Yet
in
the
blow
--
the
accidental
blow
that
had
followed
upon
her
rising
and
attempting
to
come
to
him
,
had
been
some
anger
against
her
for
wanting
to
come
near
him
at
all
.
And
that
it
was
perhaps
--
he
was
truly
not
sure
,
even
now
,
that
had
given
that
blow
its
so
destructive
force
.
It
was
so
afterward
,
anyhow
,
that
he
was
compelled
to
think
of
it
.
And
yet
there
was
also
the
truth
that
in
rising
he
was
seeking
to
save
her
--
even
in
spite
of
his
hate
.
That
he
was
also
,
for
the
moment
at
least
,
sorry
for
that
blow
.
Again
,
though
,
once
the
boat
had
upset
and
both
were
in
the
water
--
in
all
that
confusion
,
and
when
she
was
drowning
,
he
had
been
moved
by
the
thought
:
"
Do
nothing
.
"
For
thus
he
would
be
rid
of
her
.
Yes
,
he
had
so
thought
.
But
again
,
there
was
the
fact
that
all
through
,
as
Mr.
Belknap
and
Mr.
Jephson
had
pointed
out
,
he
had
been
swayed
by
his
obsession
for
Miss
X
,
the
super
motivating
force
in
connection
with
all
of
this
.
But
now
,
did
the
Reverend
McMillan
,
considering
all
that
went
before
and
all
that
came
after
--
the
fact
that
the
unintentional
blow
still
had
had
anger
in
it
--
angry
dissatisfaction
with
her
--
really
--
and
that
afterwards
he
had
not
gone
to
her
rescue
--
as
now
--
honestly
and
truly
as
he
was
trying
to
show
--
did
he
think
that
that
constituted
murder
--
mortal
blood
guilt
for
which
spiritually
,
as
well
as
legally
,
he
might
be
said
to
deserve
death
?
Did
he
?
He
would
like
to
know
for
his
own
soul
's
peace
--
so
that
he
could
pray
,
maybe
.
The
Reverend
McMillan
hearing
all
this
--
and
never
in
his
life
before
having
heard
or
having
had
passed
to
him
so
intricate
and
elusive
and
strange
a
problem
--
and
because
of
Clyde
's
faith
in
and
regard
for
him
,
enormously
impressed
.
And
now
sitting
before
him
quite
still
and
pondering
most
deeply
,
sadly
and
even
nervously
--
so
serious
and
important
was
this
request
for
an
opinion
--
something
which
,
as
he
knew
,
Clyde
was
counting
on
to
give
him
earthly
and
spiritual
peace
.
But
,
none-the-less
,
the
Reverend
McMillan
was
himself
too
puzzled
to
answer
so
quickly
.
"
Up
to
the
time
you
went
in
that
boat
with
her
,
Clyde
,
you
had
not
changed
in
your
mood
toward
her
--
your
intention
to
--
to
--
"
The
Reverend
McMillan
's
face
was
gray
and
drawn
.
His
eyes
were
sad
.
He
had
been
listening
,
as
he
now
felt
,
to
a
sad
and
terrible
story
--
an
evil
and
cruel
self-torturing
and
destroying
story
.
This
young
boy
--
really
--
!
His
hot
,
restless
heart
which
plainly
for
the
lack
of
so
many
things
which
he
,
the
Reverend
McMillan
,
had
never
wanted
for
,
had
rebelled
.
And
because
of
that
rebellion
had
sinned
mortally
and
was
condemned
to
die
.
Indeed
his
reason
was
as
intensely
troubled
as
his
heart
was
moved
.
"
No
,
I
had
not
.
"
"
You
were
,
as
you
say
,
angry
with
yourself
for
being
so
weak
as
not
to
be
able
to
do
what
you
had
planned
to
do
.
"
