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He
crammed
his
fists
against
his
mouth
to
stop
some
sound
from
coming
out
and
felt
for
that
interior
coldness
,
that
sense
of
disconnection
.
It
was
there
,
and
Louis
drew
it
gratefully
around
him
.
When
the
couple
finally
walked
on
,
Louis
watched
them
with
nothing
but
impatience
.
They
climbed
the
steps
of
one
of
the
apartment
buildings
.
The
man
felt
for
a
key
,
and
a
moment
later
they
were
inside
.
The
street
was
silent
again
except
for
the
constant
beat
of
the
wind
,
rustling
the
trees
and
tumbling
his
sweaty
hair
over
his
forehead
.
Louis
ran
down
to
the
fence
,
bent
low
,
and
felt
through
the
brush
for
his
canvas
bundle
.
Here
it
was
,
rough
under
his
fingers
.
He
picked
it
up
,
listening
to
the
muffled
clank
from
inside
.
He
carried
it
over
to
the
broad
graveled
drive
that
led
in
through
the
gates
and
paused
to
orient
himself
.
Straight
up
here
,
go
left
at
the
fork
.
No
problem
.
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He
walked
along
the
edge
of
the
drive
,
wanting
to
be
able
to
go
farther
into
the
shadow
of
the
elms
if
there
did
happen
to
be
a
full-time
caretaker
and
if
he
happened
to
be
out
.
He
bore
left
at
the
fork
,
approaching
Gage
's
grave
now
,
and
suddenly
,
appallingly
,
realized
he
could
not
remember
what
his
son
had
looked
like
.
He
paused
,
staring
off
into
the
rows
of
graves
,
the
frowning
facades
of
the
monuments
,
and
tried
to
summon
him
up
.
Individual
features
came
to
him
--
his
blond
hair
,
still
so
fine
and
light
,
his
slanting
eyes
,
his
small
,
white
teeth
,
the
little
twist
of
scar
on
his
chin
from
the
time
he
had
fallen
down
the
back
steps
of
their
place
in
Chicago
.
He
could
see
these
things
but
could
not
integrate
them
into
a
coherent
whole
.
He
saw
Gage
running
toward
the
road
,
running
toward
his
appointment
with
the
Orinco
truck
,
but
Gage
's
face
was
turned
away
.
He
tried
to
summon
up
Gage
as
he
had
been
in
his
crib
on
the
night
of
the
kite-flying
day
and
could
see
only
darkness
in
his
mind
's
eye
.
Gage
,
where
are
you
?
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Have
you
ever
thought
,
Louis
,
that
you
may
not
be
doing
your
son
any
good
service
?
Perhaps
he
's
happy
where
he
is
...
maybe
all
of
that
is
n't
the
bullshit
you
always
thought
it
was
.
Maybe
he
's
with
the
angels
or
maybe
he
's
just
sleeping
.
And
if
he
's
sleeping
,
do
you
really
know
what
it
is
you
might
wake
up
?
Oh
Gage
,
where
are
you
?
I
want
you
home
with
us
.
But
was
he
really
controlling
his
own
actions
?
Why
could
n't
he
summon
up
Gage
's
face
,
and
why
was
he
going
against
everyone
's
warning
--
Jud
's
,
the
dream
of
Pascow
,
the
trepidation
of
his
own
troubled
heart
?