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- Стр. 287/409
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He
saw
pain
flicker
in
her
eyes
and
knew
he
had
touched
her
.
Some
part
of
himself
felt
shame
at
this
cheap
victory
.
All
the
textbooks
he
'd
read
on
the
subject
of
death
told
him
that
the
bereaved
's
first
strong
impulse
is
to
get
away
from
the
place
where
it
happened
...
and
that
to
succumb
to
such
an
impulse
may
turn
out
to
be
the
most
harmful
course
of
action
because
it
allows
the
bereaved
the
dubious
luxury
of
refusing
to
come
to
terms
with
the
new
reality
.
The
books
said
it
was
best
to
remain
where
you
were
,
to
battle
grief
on
its
home
ground
until
it
subsided
into
remembrance
.
But
Louis
simply
did
not
dare
make
the
experiment
with
his
family
at
home
.
He
had
to
get
rid
of
them
,
at
least
for
a
while
.
"
I
know
,
"
she
said
.
"
It
just
...
hits
you
all
over
the
place
.
I
moved
the
couch
while
you
were
in
Bangor
...
I
thought
running
the
vacuum
around
would
take
my
mind
off
...
off
things
...
and
I
found
four
of
his
little
Matchbox
cars
under
there
...
as
if
they
were
waiting
for
him
to
come
back
and
...
you
know
,
play
with
them
...
"
Her
voice
,
already
wavering
,
now
broke
.
Tears
spilled
down
her
cheeks
.
"
And
that
's
when
I
took
the
second
Valium
because
I
started
crying
again
,
the
way
I
'm
crying
now
...
oh
what
a
fucking
soap
opera
all
of
this
is
...
hold
me
,
Lou
,
will
you
hold
me
?
"
He
did
hold
her
,
and
he
did
it
well
,
but
he
felt
like
an
imposter
.
His
mind
spun
with
ways
to
turn
these
tears
to
his
further
benefit
.
Some
nice
guy
,
all
right
.
Hey-ho
,
let
's
go
.
"
How
long
does
it
go
on
?
"
she
wept
.
"
Does
it
ever
end
?
If
only
we
could
have
him
back
,
Louis
,
I
swear
I
'd
watch
him
better
,
it
would
never
happen
,
and
just
because
that
driver
was
going
too
fast
that
does
n't
let
me
--
us
--
off
the
hook
.
I
did
n't
know
there
could
ever
be
hurt
like
this
,
and
that
's
the
truth
.
It
comes
,
over
and
over
it
comes
,
and
it
hurts
so
much
,
Louis
,
there
's
no
rest
from
it
even
when
I
go
to
sleep
,
when
I
go
to
sleep
I
dream
it
,
over
and
over
again
,
I
see
him
running
to
the
road
...
and
I
scream
to
him
...
"
"
Shhh
,
"
he
said
.
"
Rachel
,
shhh
.
"
She
lifted
her
puffy
face
to
him
.
"
It
was
n't
even
as
if
he
were
being
bad
,
Louis
.
It
was
just
a
game
to
him
...
the
truck
came
at
the
wrong
time
...
and
Missy
Dandridge
called
while
I
was
still
crying
...
and
said
she
read
in
the
Ellsworth
American
that
the
driver
tried
to
kill
himself
.
"
"
What
?
"
"
He
tried
to
hang
himself
in
his
garage
.
He
's
in
shock
and
deep
depression
,
the
paper
said
...
"
