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You
're
rationalizing
,
a
voice
whispered
.
He
's
not
as
good
as
ever
.
He
's
spooky
.
The
crow
,
Louis
...
remember
the
crow
?
"
Good
God
,
"
Louis
said
aloud
in
a
shaky
,
distracted
voice
he
was
barely
able
to
recognize
as
his
own
.
God
,
oh
yes
,
fine
,
sure
.
If
there
had
ever
been
a
time
to
invoke
the
name
of
God
outside
of
a
novel
about
ghosts
or
vampires
,
this
was
it
.
So
just
what
--
what
in
the
name
of
God
--
was
he
thinking
about
?
He
was
thinking
about
a
dark
blasphemy
which
he
was
even
now
not
wholly
able
to
credit
.
Worse
,
he
was
telling
himself
lies
.
Not
just
rationalizing
,
but
outright
lying
.
So
what
's
the
truth
?
You
want
the
truth
so
fucking
bad
,
what
's
the
truth
?
That
Church
was
n't
really
a
cat
anymore
at
all
--
start
with
that
.
He
looked
like
a
cat
,
and
he
acted
like
a
cat
,
but
he
was
really
only
a
poor
imitation
.
People
could
n't
actually
see
through
that
imitation
,
but
they
could
feel
through
it
.
He
remembered
a
night
when
Charlton
had
been
at
the
house
.
The
occasion
had
been
a
small
pre-Christmas
dinner
party
.
They
'd
been
sitting
in
here
,
talking
after
the
meal
,
and
Church
had
jumped
up
in
her
lap
.
Charlton
had
pushed
the
cat
off
immediately
,
a
quick
and
instinctive
moue
of
distaste
puckering
her
mouth
.
It
had
been
no
big
deal
.
No
one
had
even
commented
on
it
.
But
...
it
was
there
.
Charlton
had
felt
what
the
cat
was
n't
.
Louis
killed
his
beer
and
went
back
for
another
.
If
Gage
came
back
changed
in
such
a
way
,
that
would
be
an
obscenity
.
He
popped
the
top
and
drank
deeply
.
He
was
drunk
now
,
drunk
for
fair
,
and
there
would
be
a
big
head
for
him
to
deal
with
tomorrow
.
How
I
Went
to
My
Son
's
Funeral
with
a
Hangover
by
Louis
Creed
,
author
of
How
I
Just
Missed
Him
at
the
Crucial
Moment
and
numerous
other
works
.
Drunk
.
Sure
.
And
he
suspected
now
that
the
reason
he
had
gotten
drunk
was
so
he
could
consider
this
crazy
idea
soberly
.
In
spite
of
everything
,
the
idea
had
that
deadly
attraction
,
that
sick
luster
,
that
glamour
.
Yes
,
that
above
all
else
--
it
had
glamour
.
