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Just
a
little
phobic
,
Louis
thought
.
Yeah
,
right
.
"
I
ca
n't
...
seem
to
help
it
.
In
my
mind
I
know
you
're
right
,
that
death
is
perfectly
natural
--
good
,
even
--
but
what
my
mind
knows
and
what
happens
...
inside
me
...
"
"
Yeah
,
"
he
said
.
"
That
day
I
blew
up
at
you
,
"
she
said
,
"
I
knew
that
Ellie
was
just
crying
over
the
idea
...
a
way
of
getting
used
to
it
...
but
I
could
n't
help
it
.
I
'm
sorry
,
Louis
.
"
"
No
apology
needed
,
"
he
said
,
stroking
her
hair
.
"
But
what
the
hell
,
I
accept
it
anyway
,
if
it
'll
make
you
feel
better
.
"
She
smiled
.
"
It
does
,
you
know
.
And
I
feel
better
.
I
feel
as
if
I
just
sicked
up
something
that
's
poisoned
part
of
me
for
years
.
"
"
Maybe
you
have
.
"
Rachel
's
eyes
slipped
closed
and
then
opened
again
...
slowly
.
"
And
do
n't
blame
it
all
on
my
father
,
Louis
.
Please
.
That
was
a
terrible
time
for
them
.
The
bills
--
Zelda
's
bills
--
were
sky-high
.
My
dad
had
missed
his
chance
to
expand
into
the
suburbs
,
and
the
sales
in
the
downtown
store
were
off
.
On
top
of
that
,
my
mother
was
half-crazy
herself
.
"
Well
,
it
all
worked
out
.
It
was
as
if
Zelda
's
death
was
the
signal
for
good
times
to
come
around
again
.
There
had
been
a
recession
,
but
then
the
money
loosened
up
and
Daddy
got
his
loan
,
and
since
then
he
's
never
looked
back
.
But
that
's
why
they
've
always
been
possessive
of
me
,
I
think
.
It
's
not
just
because
I
'm
the
only
one
left
--
"