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"
Billy
,
"
I
said
,
and
had
to
stop
.
I
could
taste
salt
in
my
throat
,
and
my
voice
wanted
to
tremble
.
"
Will
it
be
over
?
"
Billy
asked
.
"
Daddy
?
Will
it
?
"
"
I
do
n't
know
,
"
I
said
,
and
he
put
his
face
in
the
hollow
of
my
shoulder
and
I
held
the
back
of
his
head
,
felt
the
delicate
curve
of
his
skull
just
under
the
thick
growth
of
his
hair
.
I
found
myself
remembering
the
evening
of
my
wedding
day
.
Watching
Steff
take
off
the
simple
brown
dress
she
had
changed
into
after
the
ceremony
.
She
had
had
a
big
purple
bruise
on
one
hip
from
running
into
the
side
of
a
door
the
day
before
.
I
remembered
looking
at
the
bruise
and
thinking
,
When
she
got
that
,
she
was
still
Stephanie
Stepanek
,
and
feeling
something
like
wonder
.
Then
we
had
made
love
,
and
outside
it
was
spitting
snow
from
a
dull
gray
December
sky
.
Billy
was
crying
.
"
Shh
,
Billy
,
shh
,
"
I
said
,
rocking
his
head
against
me
,
but
he
went
on
crying
.
It
was
the
sort
of
crying
that
only
mothers
know
how
to
fix
right
.
Premature
night
came
inside
the
Federal
Foods
.
Miller
and
Haden
and
Bud
Brown
handed
out
flashlights
,
the
whole
stock
,
about
twenty
.
Norton
clamoured
loudly
for
them
on
behalf
of
his
group
,
and
received
two
.
The
lights
bobbed
here
and
there
in
the
aisles
like
uneasy
phantoms
.
I
held
Billy
against
me
and
looked
out
through
the
loophole
.
The
milky
,
translucent
quality
of
the
light
out
there
had
n't
changed
much
;
it
was
putting
up
the
bags
that
had
made
the
market
so
dark
.
Several
times
I
thought
I
saw
something
,
but
it
was
only
jumpiness
.
One
of
the
others
raised
a
hesitant
false
alarm
.
Billy
saw
Mrs.
Turman
again
,
and
went
to
her
eagerly
,
even
though
she
had
n't
been
over
to
sit
for
him
all
summer
.
She
had
one
of
the
flashlights
and
handed
it
over
to
him
amiably
enough
.
Soon
he
was
trying
to
write
his
name
in
light
on
the
blank
glass
faces
of
the
frozen-food
cases
.
She
seemed
as
happy
to
see
him
as
he
was
to
see
her
,
and
in
a
little
while
they
came
over
.
Hattie
Turman
was
a
tall
,
thin
woman
with
lovely
red
hair
just
beginning
to
streak
gray
.
A
pair
of
glasses
hung
from
an
ornamental
chain-the
sort
,
I
believe
,
it
is
illegal
for
anyone
except
middle-aged
women
to
wear-on
her
breast
.
"
Is
Stephanie
here
,
David
?
"
she
asked
.
