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"
Nothing
!
"
I
said
.
I
was
n't
crying
,
not
yet
,
but
I
was
afraid
I
'd
start
soon
if
he
kept
bearing
down
like
that
.
"
Nothing
,
I
just
walk
,
I
like
to
walk
,
let
go
of
me
!
"
He
did
,
but
only
long
enough
so
he
could
grab
my
other
hand
.
That
one
was
rolled
closed
.
"
Open
up
,
"
he
said
.
"
Let
Poppa
see
.
"
I
did
,
and
he
grunted
with
disgust
.
It
was
nothing
but
the
remains
of
my
second
piece
of
toast
.
I
'd
clenched
it
in
my
right
hand
when
he
started
squeezing
my
left
wrist
,
and
there
was
butter
--
well
,
oleo
,
they
do
n't
have
real
butter
here
,
of
course
--
on
my
fingers
.
"
Go
on
inside
and
wash
your
damned
hands
,
"
he
said
,
stepping
back
and
taking
another
bite
of
his
Danish
.
"
Jesus
Christ
.
"
I
went
up
the
steps
.
My
legs
were
shaking
,
my
heart
pounding
like
an
engine
with
leaky
valves
and
shaky
old
pistons
.
As
I
grasped
the
knob
that
would
let
me
into
the
kitchen
--
and
safety
--
Dolan
said
:
"
If
you
tell
anyone
I
squeezed
your
po
"
old
wrist
,
Paulie
,
I
'll
tell
them
you
're
having
delusions
.
Onset
of
senile
dementia
,
likely
.
And
you
know
they
'll
believe
me
.
If
there
are
bruises
,
they
'll
think
you
made
them
yourself
.
"
Yes
.
Those
things
were
true
.
And
once
again
,
it
could
have
been
Percy
Wetmore
saying
them
,
a
Percy
that
had
somehow
stayed
young
and
mean
while
I
'd
grown
old
and
brittle
.
"
I
'm
not
going
to
say
anything
to
anyone
,
"
I
mutered
.
"
Got
nothing
to
say
.
"
"
That
's
right
,
you
old
sweetie
.
"
His
voice
light
and
mocking
,
the
voice
of
a
lugoon
(
to
use
Percy
's
word
)
who
thought
he
was
going
to
be
young
forever
.
"
And
I
'm
going
to
find
out
what
you
're
up
to
.
I
'm
going
to
make
it
my
business
.
You
hear
?
"
I
heard
,
all
right
,
but
would
n't
give
him
the
satisfaction
of
saying
so
.
I
went
in
,
passed
through
the
kitchen
(
I
could
now
smell
eggs
and
sausage
cooking
,
but
no
longer
wanted
any
)
,
and
hung
the
poncho
back
up
on
its
hook
.
Then
I
went
upstairs
to
my
room
--
resting
at
every
step
,
giving
my
heart
time
to
slow
--
and
gathered
my
writing
materials
together
.
