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drive
with
Edward
.
I
imagined
that
I
had
stayed
at
the
airport
to
meet
Edward
.
I
visualized
how
I
would
stand
on
my
toes
,
the
sooner
to
see
his
face
.
How
quickly
,
how
gracefully
he
would
move
through
the
crowds
of
people
separating
us
.
And
then
I
would
run
to
close
those
last
few
feet
between
us
-
reckless
as
always
-
and
I
would
be
in
his
marble
arms
,
finally
safe
.
I
wondered
where
we
would
have
gone
.
North
somewhere
,
so
he
could
be
outside
in
the
day
.
Or
maybe
somewhere
very
remote
,
so
we
could
lay
in
the
sun
together
again
.
I
imagined
him
by
the
shore
,
his
skin
sparkling
like
the
sea
.
It
wouldn
’
t
matter
how
long
we
had
to
hide
.
To
be
trapped
in
a
hotel
room
with
him
would
be
a
kind
of
heaven
.
So
many
questions
I
still
had
for
him
.
I
could
talk
to
him
forever
,
never
sleeping
,
never
leaving
his
side
.
I
could
see
his
face
so
clearly
now
.
.
.
almost
hear
his
voice
.
And
,
despite
all
the
horror
and
hopelessness
,
I
was
fleetingly
happy
.
So
involved
was
I
in
my
escapist
daydreams
,
I
lost
all
track
of
the
seconds
racing
by
.
"
Hey
,
what
was
the
number
?
"
The
cabbie
’
s
question
punctured
my
fantasy
,
letting
all
the
colors
run
out
of
my
lovely
delusions
.
Fear
,
bleak
and
hard
,
was
waiting
to
fill
the
empty
space
they
left
behind
.
"
Fifty
-
eight
twenty
-
one
.
"
My
voice
sounded
strangled
.
The
cabbie
looked
at
me
,
nervous
that
I
was
having
an
episode
or
something
.
"
Here
we
are
,
then
.
"
He
was
anxious
to
get
me
out
of
his
car
,
probably
hoping
I
wouldn
’
t
ask
for
my
change
.
"
Thank
you
,
"
I
whispered
.
There
was
no
need
to
be
afraid
,
I
reminded
myself
.
The
house
was
empty
.
I
had
to
hurry
;
my
mom
was
waiting
for
me
,
frightened
,
depending
on
me
.
I
ran
to
the
door
,
reaching
up
automatically
to
grab
the
key
under
the
eave
.
I
unlocked
the
door
.
It
was
dark
inside
,
empty
,
normal
.
I
ran
to
the
phone
,
turning
on
the
kitchen
light
on
my
way
.
There
,
on
the
whiteboard
,
was
a
ten
-
digit
number
written
in
a
small
,
neat
hand
.
My
fingers
stumbled
over
the
keypad
,
making
mistakes
.
I
had
to
hang
up
and
start
again
.
I
concentrated
only
on
the
buttons
this
time
,
carefully
pressing
each
one
in
turn
.
I
was
successful
.
I
held
the
phone
to
my
ear
with
a
shaking
hand
.
It
rang
only
once
.
