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As
to
Mr.
St
John
,
the
intimacy
which
had
arisen
so
naturally
and
rapidly
between
me
and
his
sisters
did
not
extend
to
him
.
One
reason
of
the
distance
yet
observed
between
us
was
,
that
he
was
comparatively
seldom
at
home
:
a
large
proportion
of
his
time
appeared
devoted
to
visiting
the
sick
and
poor
among
the
scattered
population
of
his
parish
.
No
weather
seemed
to
hinder
him
in
these
pastoral
excursions
:
rain
or
fair
,
he
would
,
when
his
hours
of
morning
study
were
over
,
take
his
hat
,
and
,
followed
by
his
father
's
old
pointer
,
Carlo
,
go
out
on
his
mission
of
love
or
duty
--
I
scarcely
know
in
which
light
he
regarded
it
.
Sometimes
,
when
the
day
was
very
unfavourable
,
his
sisters
would
expostulate
.
He
would
then
say
,
with
a
peculiar
smile
,
more
solemn
than
cheerful
--
"
And
if
I
let
a
gust
of
wind
or
a
sprinkling
of
rain
turn
me
aside
from
these
easy
tasks
,
what
preparation
would
such
sloth
be
for
the
future
I
propose
to
myself
?
"
Diana
and
Mary
's
general
answer
to
this
question
was
a
sigh
,
and
some
minutes
of
apparently
mournful
meditation
.
But
besides
his
frequent
absences
,
there
was
another
barrier
to
friendship
with
him
:
he
seemed
of
a
reserved
,
an
abstracted
,
and
even
of
a
brooding
nature
.
Zealous
in
his
ministerial
labours
,
blameless
in
his
life
and
habits
,
he
yet
did
not
appear
to
enjoy
that
mental
serenity
,
that
inward
content
,
which
should
be
the
reward
of
every
sincere
Christian
and
practical
philanthropist
.
Often
,
of
an
evening
,
when
he
sat
at
the
window
,
his
desk
and
papers
before
him
,
he
would
cease
reading
or
writing
,
rest
his
chin
on
his
hand
,
and
deliver
himself
up
to
I
know
not
what
course
of
thought
;
but
that
it
was
perturbed
and
exciting
might
be
seen
in
the
frequent
flash
and
changeful
dilation
of
his
eye
.
I
think
,
moreover
,
that
Nature
was
not
to
him
that
treasury
of
delight
it
was
to
his
sisters
.
He
expressed
once
,
and
but
once
in
my
hearing
,
a
strong
sense
of
the
rugged
charm
of
the
hills
,
and
an
inborn
affection
for
the
dark
roof
and
hoary
walls
he
called
his
home
;
but
there
was
more
of
gloom
than
pleasure
in
the
tone
and
words
in
which
the
sentiment
was
manifested
;
and
never
did
he
seem
to
roam
the
moors
for
the
sake
of
their
soothing
silence
--
never
seek
out
or
dwell
upon
the
thousand
peaceful
delights
they
could
yield
.
Incommunicative
as
he
was
,
some
time
elapsed
before
I
had
an
opportunity
of
gauging
his
mind
.
I
first
got
an
idea
of
its
calibre
when
I
heard
him
preach
in
his
own
church
at
Morton
.
I
wish
I
could
describe
that
sermon
:
but
it
is
past
my
power
.
I
can
not
even
render
faithfully
the
effect
it
produced
on
me
.
It
began
calm
--
and
indeed
,
as
far
as
delivery
and
pitch
of
voice
went
,
it
was
calm
to
the
end
:
an
earnestly
felt
,
yet
strictly
restrained
zeal
breathed
soon
in
the
distinct
accents
,
and
prompted
the
nervous
language
.
This
grew
to
force
--
compressed
,
condensed
,
controlled
.
The
heart
was
thrilled
,
the
mind
astonished
,
by
the
power
of
the
preacher
:
neither
were
softened
.
Throughout
there
was
a
strange
bitterness
;
an
absence
of
consolatory
gentleness
;
stern
allusions
to
Calvinistic
doctrines
--
election
,
predestination
,
reprobation
--
were
frequent
;
and
each
reference
to
these
points
sounded
like
a
sentence
pronounced
for
doom
.
When
he
had
done
,
instead
of
feeling
better
,
calmer
,
more
enlightened
by
his
discourse
,
I
experienced
an
inexpressible
sadness
;
for
it
seemed
to
me
--
I
know
not
whether
equally
so
to
others
--
that
the
eloquence
to
which
I
had
been
listening
had
sprung
from
a
depth
where
lay
turbid
dregs
of
disappointment
--
where
moved
troubling
impulses
of
insatiate
yearnings
and
disquieting
aspirations
.
I
was
sure
St.
John
Rivers
--
pure-lived
,
conscientious
,
zealous
as
he
was
--
had
not
yet
found
that
peace
of
God
which
passeth
all
understanding
:
he
had
no
more
found
it
,
I
thought
,
than
had
I
with
my
concealed
and
racking
regrets
for
my
broken
idol
and
lost
elysium
--
regrets
to
which
I
have
latterly
avoided
referring
,
but
which
possessed
me
and
tyrannised
over
me
ruthlessly
.
