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"
Sir
?
"
"
Mmm
...
it
will
not
be
easy
to
explain
.
Certainly
,
losing
your
mother
had
a
great
deal
to
do
with
it
.
But
I
did
n't
enroll
to
avenge
her
--
even
though
I
had
that
in
mind
,
too
.
You
had
more
to
do
with
it
--
"
"
Me
?
"
"
Yes
,
you
.
Son
,
I
always
understood
what
you
were
doing
better
than
your
mother
did
--
do
n't
blame
her
;
she
never
had
a
chance
to
know
,
any
more
than
a
bird
can
understand
swimming
.
And
perhaps
I
knew
why
you
did
it
,
even
though
I
beg
to
doubt
that
you
knew
yourself
,
at
the
time
.
At
least
half
of
my
anger
at
you
was
sheer
resentment
...
that
you
had
actually
done
something
that
I
knew
,
buried
deep
in
my
heart
,
I
should
have
done
.
But
you
were
n't
the
cause
of
my
joining
up
,
either
...
you
merely
helped
trigger
it
and
you
did
control
the
service
I
chose
.
"
He
paused
.
"
I
was
n't
in
good
shape
at
the
time
you
enrolled
.
I
was
seeing
my
hypnotherapist
pretty
regularly
--
you
never
suspected
that
,
did
you
?
--
but
we
had
gotten
no
farther
than
a
clear
recognition
that
I
was
enormously
dissatisfied
.
After
you
left
,
I
took
it
out
on
you
--
but
it
was
not
you
,
and
I
knew
it
and
my
therapist
knew
it
.
I
suppose
I
knew
that
there
was
real
trouble
brewing
earlier
than
most
;
we
were
invited
to
bid
on
military
components
fully
a
month
before
the
state
of
emergency
was
announced
.
We
had
converted
almost
entirely
to
war
production
while
you
were
still
in
training
.
"
I
felt
better
during
that
period
,
worked
to
death
and
too
busy
to
see
my
therapist
.
Then
I
became
more
troubled
than
ever
.
"
He
smiled
.
"
Son
,
do
you
know
about
civilians
?
"
"
Well
...
we
do
n't
talk
the
same
language
.
I
know
that
.
"
"
Clearly
enough
put
.
Do
you
remember
Madame
Ruitman
?
I
was
on
a
few
days
leave
after
I
finished
Basic
and
I
went
home
.
I
saw
some
of
our
friends
,
said
good-by
--
she
among
them
.
She
chattered
away
and
said
,
'
So
you
're
really
going
out
?
Well
,
if
you
reach
Faraway
,
you
really
must
look
up
my
dear
friends
the
Regatos
.
'
"
"
I
told
her
,
as
gently
as
I
could
,
that
it
seemed
unlikely
,
since
the
Arachnids
had
occupied
Faraway
.
