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Matilda
It
’
s
a
funny
thing
about
mothers
and
fathers
.
Even
when
their
own
child
is
the
most
disgusting
little
blister
you
could
ever
imagine
,
they
still
think
that
he
or
she
is
wonderful
.
Some
parents
go
further
.
They
become
so
blinded
by
adoration
they
manage
to
convince
themselves
their
child
has
qualities
of
genius
.
Well
,
there
is
nothing
very
wrong
with
all
this
.
It
’
s
the
way
of
the
world
.
It
is
only
when
the
parents
begin
telling
us
about
the
brilliance
of
their
own
revolting
offspring
,
that
we
start
shouting
,
"
Bring
us
a
basin
!
We
’
re
going
to
be
sick
!
"
School
teachers
suffer
a
good
deal
from
having
to
listen
to
this
sort
of
twaddle
from
proud
parents
,
but
they
usually
get
their
own
back
when
the
time
comes
to
write
the
end
-
of
-
term
reports
.
If
I
were
a
teacher
I
would
cook
up
some
real
scorchers
for
the
children
of
doting
parents
.
"
Your
son
Maximilian
"
,
I
would
write
,
"
is
a
total
wash
-
out
.
I
hope
you
have
a
family
business
you
can
push
him
into
when
he
leaves
school
because
he
sure
as
heck
won
’
t
get
a
job
anywhere
else
.
"
Or
if
I
were
feeling
lyrical
that
day
,
I
might
write
,
"
It
is
a
curious
truth
that
grasshoppers
have
their
hearing
-
organs
in
the
sides
of
the
abdomen
.
Your
daughter
Vanessa
,
judging
by
what
she
’
s
learnt
this
term
,
has
no
hearing
-
organs
at
all
.
"
I
might
even
delve
deeper
into
natural
history
and
say
,
"
The
periodical
cicada
spends
six
years
as
a
grub
underground
,
and
no
more
than
six
days
as
a
free
creature
of
sunlight
and
air
.
Your
son
Wilfred
has
spent
six
years
as
a
grub
in
this
school
and
we
are
still
waiting
for
him
to
emerge
from
the
chrysalis
.
"
A
particularly
poisonous
little
girl
might
sting
me
into
saying
,
"
Fiona
has
the
same
glacial
beauty
as
an
iceberg
,
but
unlike
the
iceberg
she
has
absolutely
nothing
below
the
surface
.
"
I
think
I
might
enjoy
writing
end
-
of
-
term
reports
for
the
stinkers
in
my
class
.
But
enough
of
that
.
We
have
to
get
on
.
Occasionally
one
comes
across
parents
who
take
the
opposite
line
,
who
show
no
interest
at
all
in
their
children
,
and
these
of
course
are
far
worse
than
the
doting
ones
.
Mr
and
Mrs
.
Wormwood
were
two
such
parents
.
They
had
a
son
called
Michael
and
a
daughter
called
Matilda
,
and
the
parents
looked
upon
Matilda
in
particular
as
noth
-
ing
more
than
a
scab
.
A
scab
is
something
you
have
to
put
up
with
until
the
time
comes
when
you
can
pick
it
off
and
flick
it
away
.
Mr
and
Mrs
.
Wormwood
looked
forward
enormously
to
the
time
when
they
could
pick
their
little
daughter
off
and
flick
her
away
,
preferably
into
the
next
county
or
even
further
than
that
.
It
is
bad
enough
when
parents
treat
ordinary
children
as
though
they
were
scabs
and
bunions
,
but
it
becomes
somehow
a
lot
worse
when
the
child
in
question
is
extraordinary
,
and
by
that
I
mean
sensitive
and
brilliant
.
Matilda
was
both
of
these
things
,
but
above
all
she
was
brilliant
.
Her
mind
was
so
nimble
and
she
was
so
quick
to
learn
that
her
ability
should
have
been
obvious
even
to
the
most
half
-
witted
of
parents
.
But
Mr
and
Mrs
.
Wormwood
were
both
so
gormless
and
so
wrapped
up
in
their
own
silly
little
lives
that
they
failed
to
notice
anything
unusual
about
their
daughter
.
To
tell
the
truth
,
I
doubt
they
would
have
noticed
had
she
crawled
into
the
house
with
a
broken
leg
.
