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"
We
bought
a
fine
phonograph
in
Texarkana
--
one
of
the
best
make
--
and
half
a
trunkful
of
records
.
We
packed
up
,
and
took
the
T.
and
P.
for
New
Orleans
.
From
that
celebrated
centre
of
molasses
and
disfranchised
coon
songs
we
took
a
steamer
for
South
America
.
"
We
landed
at
Solitas
,
forty
miles
up
the
coast
from
here
.
'
Twas
a
palatable
enough
place
to
look
at
.
The
houses
were
clean
and
white
;
and
to
look
at
'em
stuck
around
among
the
scenery
they
reminded
you
of
hard-boiled
eggs
served
with
lettuce
.
There
was
a
block
of
skyscraper
mountains
in
the
suburbs
;
and
they
kept
pretty
quiet
,
like
they
had
crept
up
there
and
were
watching
the
town
.
And
the
sea
was
remarking
'
Sh-sh-sh
'
on
the
beach
;
and
now
and
then
a
ripe
cocoanut
would
drop
kerblip
in
the
sand
;
and
that
was
all
there
was
doing
.
Yes
,
I
judge
that
town
was
considerably
on
the
quiet
.
I
judge
that
after
Gabriel
quits
blowing
his
horn
,
and
the
car
starts
,
with
Philadelphia
swinging
to
the
last
strap
,
and
Pine
Gully
,
Arkansas
,
hanging
onto
the
rear
step
,
this
town
of
Solitas
will
wake
up
and
ask
if
anybody
spoke
.
"
The
captain
went
ashore
with
us
,
and
offered
to
conduct
what
he
seemed
to
like
to
call
the
obsequies
.
He
introduced
Henry
and
me
to
the
United
States
Consul
,
and
a
roan
man
,
the
head
of
the
Department
of
Mercenary
and
Licentious
Dispositions
,
the
way
it
read
upon
his
sign
.
"
'
I
touch
here
again
a
week
from
today
,
'
says
the
captain
.
"
'
By
that
time
,
'
we
told
him
,
'
we
'll
be
amassing
wealth
in
the
interior
towns
with
our
galvanized
prima
donna
and
correct
imitations
of
Sousa
's
band
excavating
a
march
from
a
tin
mine
.
'
"
'
Ye
'll
not
,
'
says
the
captain
.
'
Ye
'll
be
hypnotized
.
Any
gentleman
in
the
audience
who
kindly
steps
upon
the
stage
and
looks
this
country
in
the
eye
will
be
converted
to
the
hypothesis
that
he
's
but
a
fly
in
the
Elgin
creamery
.
Ye
'll
be
standing
knee
deep
in
the
surf
waiting
for
me
,
and
your
machine
for
making
Hamburger
steak
out
of
the
hitherto
respected
art
of
music
will
be
playing
"
There
's
no
place
like
home
.
"
'
"
Henry
skinned
a
twenty
off
his
roll
,
and
received
from
the
Bureau
of
Mercenary
Dispositions
a
paper
bearing
a
red
seal
and
a
dialect
story
,
and
no
change
.
"
Then
we
got
the
consul
full
of
red
wine
,
and
struck
him
for
a
horoscope
.
He
was
a
thin
,
youngish
kind
of
man
,
I
should
say
past
fifty
,
sort
of
French
--
Irish
in
his
affections
,
and
puffed
up
with
disconsolation
.
Yes
,
he
was
a
flattened
kind
of
a
man
,
in
whom
drink
lay
stagnant
,
inclined
to
corpulence
and
misery
.
Yes
,
I
think
he
was
a
kind
of
Dutchman
,
being
very
sad
and
genial
in
his
ways
.
"
'
The
marvelous
invention
,
'
he
says
,
'
entitled
the
phonograph
,
has
never
invaded
these
shores
.
The
people
have
never
heard
it
.
They
would
not
believe
it
if
they
should
.
Simple-hearted
children
of
nature
,
progress
has
never
condemned
them
to
accept
the
work
of
a
can-opener
as
an
overture
,
and
rag-time
might
incite
them
to
a
bloody
revolution
.
But
you
can
try
the
experiment
.
The
best
chance
you
have
is
that
the
populace
may
not
wake
up
when
you
play
.
There
's
two
ways
,
'
says
the
consul
,
'
they
may
take
it
.
They
may
become
inebriated
with
attention
,
like
an
Atlanta
colonel
listening
to
"
Marching
Through
Georgia
,
"
or
they
will
get
excited
and
transpose
the
key
of
the
music
with
an
axe
and
yourselves
into
a
dungeon
.
In
the
latter
case
,
'
says
the
consul
,
'
I
'll
do
my
duty
by
cabling
to
the
State
Department
,
and
I
'll
wrap
the
Stars
and
Stripes
around
you
when
you
come
to
be
shot
,
and
threaten
them
with
the
vengeance
of
the
greatest
gold
export
and
financial
reserve
nation
on
earth
.
The
flag
is
full
of
bullet
holes
now
,
'
says
the
consul
,
'
made
in
that
way
.
Twice
before
,
'
says
the
consul
,
'
I
have
cabled
our
government
for
a
couple
of
gunboats
to
protect
American
citizens
.
The
first
time
the
Department
sent
me
a
pair
of
gum
boots
.
The
other
time
was
when
a
man
named
Pease
was
going
to
be
executed
here
.
They
referred
that
appeal
to
the
Secretary
of
Agriculture
.
Let
us
now
disturb
the
señor
behind
the
bar
for
a
subsequence
of
the
red
wine
.
'
"
Thus
soliloquized
the
consul
of
Solitas
to
me
and
Henry
Horsecollar
.
