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- Маргарет Митчелл
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- Стр. 908/927
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She
said
,
"
My
God
!
"
again
and
walking
slowly
to
the
bed
,
sat
down
upon
it
and
dropped
her
head
in
her
hands
.
She
was
suddenly
tired
,
more
tired
than
she
had
ever
been
in
all
her
life
.
With
the
sound
of
the
closing
door
,
the
strain
under
which
she
had
been
laboring
,
the
strain
which
had
given
her
strength
,
suddenly
snapped
.
She
felt
exhausted
in
body
and
drained
of
emotions
.
Now
she
felt
no
sorrow
or
remorse
,
no
fear
or
amazement
.
She
was
tired
and
her
mind
ticked
away
dully
,
mechanically
,
as
the
clock
on
the
mantel
.
Out
of
the
dullness
,
one
thought
arose
.
Ashley
did
not
love
her
and
had
never
really
loved
her
and
the
knowledge
did
not
hurt
.
It
should
hurt
.
She
should
be
desolate
,
broken
hearted
,
ready
to
scream
at
fate
.
She
had
relied
upon
his
love
for
so
long
.
It
had
upheld
her
through
so
many
dark
places
.
Yet
,
there
the
truth
was
.
He
did
not
love
her
and
she
did
not
care
.
She
did
not
care
because
she
did
not
love
him
.
She
did
not
love
him
and
so
nothing
he
could
do
or
say
could
hurt
her
.
She
lay
down
on
the
bed
and
put
her
head
on
the
pillow
tiredly
.
Useless
to
try
to
combat
the
idea
,
useless
to
say
to
herself
:
"
But
I
do
love
him
.
I
've
loved
him
for
years
.
Love
ca
n't
change
to
apathy
in
a
minute
.
"
But
it
could
change
and
it
had
changed
.
"
He
never
really
existed
at
all
,
except
in
my
imagination
,
"
she
thought
wearily
.
"
I
loved
something
I
made
up
,
something
that
's
just
as
dead
as
Melly
is
.
I
made
a
pretty
suit
of
clothes
and
fell
in
love
with
it
.
And
when
Ashley
came
riding
along
,
so
handsome
,
so
different
,
I
put
that
suit
on
him
and
made
him
wear
it
whether
it
fitted
him
or
not
.
And
I
would
n't
see
what
he
really
was
.
I
kept
on
loving
the
pretty
clothes
--
and
not
him
at
all
.
"
Now
she
could
look
back
down
the
long
years
and
see
herself
in
green
flowered
dimity
,
standing
in
the
sunshine
at
Tara
,
thrilled
by
the
young
horseman
with
his
blond
hair
shining
like
a
silver
helmet
.
She
could
see
so
clearly
now
that
he
was
only
a
childish
fancy
,
no
more
important
really
than
her
spoiled
desire
for
the
aquamarine
earbobs
she
had
coaxed
out
of
Gerald
.
For
,
once
she
owned
the
earbobs
,
they
had
lost
their
value
,
as
everything
except
money
lost
its
value
once
it
was
hers
.
And
so
he
,
too
,
would
have
become
cheap
if
,
in
those
first
far-away
days
,
she
had
ever
had
the
satisfaction
of
refusing
to
marry
him
.
If
she
had
ever
had
him
at
her
mercy
,
seen
him
grown
passionate
,
importunate
,
jealous
,
sulky
,
pleading
,
like
the
other
boys
,
the
wild
infatuation
which
had
possessed
her
would
have
passed
,
blowing
away
as
lightly
as
mist
before
sunshine
and
light
wind
when
she
met
a
new
man
.
"
What
a
fool
I
've
been
,
"
she
thought
bitterly
.
"
And
now
I
've
got
to
pay
for
it
.
What
I
've
wished
for
so
often
has
happened
.
I
've
wished
Melly
was
dead
so
I
could
have
him
.
And
now
she
's
dead
and
I
've
got
him
and
I
do
n't
want
him
.
His
damned
honor
will
make
him
ask
me
if
I
want
to
divorce
Rhett
and
marry
him
.
Marry
him
?
I
would
n't
have
him
on
a
silver
platter
!
But
,
just
the
same
I
've
got
him
round
my
neck
for
the
rest
of
my
life
.
As
long
as
I
live
I
'll
have
to
look
after
him
and
see
that
he
does
n't
starve
and
that
people
do
n't
hurt
his
feelings
.
He
'll
be
just
another
child
,
clinging
to
my
skirts
.
I
've
lost
my
lover
and
I
've
got
another
child
And
if
I
had
n't
promised
Melly
,
I
'd
--
I
would
n't
care
if
I
never
saw
him
again
.
"
She
heard
whispering
voices
outside
,
and
going
to
the
door
she
saw
the
frightened
negroes
standing
in
the
back
hall
,
Dilcey
with
her
arms
sagging
under
the
heavy
weight
of
the
sleeping
Beau
,
Uncle
Peter
crying
,
and
Cookie
wiping
her
wide
wet
face
on
her
apron
.
All
three
looked
at
her
,
dumbly
asking
what
they
were
to
do
now
.
She
looked
up
the
hall
toward
the
sitting
room
and
saw
India
and
Aunt
Pitty
standing
speechless
,
holding
each
other
's
hands
and
,
for
once
,
India
had
lost
her
stiff-necked
look
.
Like
the
negroes
,
they
looked
imploringly
at
her
,
expecting
her
to
give
instructions
.
She
walked
into
the
sitting
room
and
the
two
women
closed
about
her
.
