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- Стр. 844/927
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But
now
,
with
the
memory
of
Melanie
standing
between
her
and
social
ruin
,
standing
like
a
thin
,
shining
blade
,
with
trust
and
a
fighting
light
in
her
eyes
,
there
seemed
nothing
honest
to
do
but
confess
.
Yes
,
blurt
out
everything
from
that
far-off
beginning
on
the
sunny
porch
at
Tara
.
She
was
driven
by
a
conscience
which
,
though
long
suppressed
,
could
still
rise
up
,
an
active
Catholic
conscience
.
"
Confess
your
sins
and
do
penance
for
them
in
sorrow
and
contrition
,
"
Ellen
had
told
her
a
hundred
times
and
,
in
this
crisis
,
Ellen
's
religious
training
came
back
and
gripped
her
.
She
would
confess
--
yes
,
everything
,
every
look
and
word
,
those
few
caresses
--
and
then
God
would
ease
her
pain
and
give
her
peace
.
And
,
for
her
penance
,
there
would
be
the
dreadful
sight
of
Melanie
's
face
changing
from
fond
love
and
trust
to
incredulous
horror
and
repulsion
.
Oh
,
that
was
too
hard
a
penance
,
she
thought
in
anguish
,
to
have
to
live
out
her
life
remembering
Melanie
's
face
,
knowing
that
Melanie
knew
all
the
pettiness
,
the
meanness
,
the
two-faced
disloyalty
and
the
hypocrisy
that
were
in
her
.
Once
,
the
thought
of
flinging
the
truth
tauntingly
in
Melanie
's
face
and
seeing
the
collapse
of
her
fool
's
paradise
had
been
an
intoxicating
one
,
a
gesture
worth
everything
she
might
lose
thereby
.
But
now
,
all
that
had
changed
overnight
and
there
was
nothing
she
desired
less
.
Why
this
should
be
she
did
not
know
.
There
was
too
great
a
tumult
of
conflicting
ideas
in
her
mind
for
her
to
sort
them
out
.
She
only
knew
that
as
she
had
once
desired
to
keep
her
mother
thinking
her
modest
,
kind
,
pure
of
heart
,
so
she
now
passionately
desired
to
keep
Melanie
's
high
opinion
.
She
only
knew
that
she
did
not
care
what
the
world
thought
of
her
or
what
Ashley
or
Rhett
thought
of
her
,
but
Melanie
must
not
think
her
other
than
she
had
always
thought
her
.
She
dreaded
to
tell
Melanie
the
truth
but
one
of
her
rare
honest
instincts
arose
,
an
instinct
that
would
not
let
her
masquerade
in
false
colors
before
the
woman
who
had
fought
her
battles
for
her
.
So
she
had
hurried
to
Melanie
that
morning
,
as
soon
as
Rhett
and
Bonnie
had
left
the
house
.
But
at
her
first
tumbled-out
words
:
"
Melly
,
I
must
explain
about
the
other
day
--
"
Melanie
had
imperiously
stopped
her
.
Scarlett
looking
shamefaced
into
the
dark
eyes
that
were
flashing
with
love
and
anger
,
knew
with
a
sinking
heart
that
the
peace
and
calm
following
confession
could
never
be
hers
.
Melanie
had
forever
cut
off
that
line
of
action
by
her
first
words
.
With
one
of
the
few
adult
emotions
Scarlett
had
ever
had
,
she
realized
that
to
unburden
her
own
tortured
heart
would
be
the
purest
selfishness
.
She
would
be
ridding
herself
of
her
burden
and
laying
it
on
the
heart
of
an
innocent
and
trusting
person
.
She
owed
Melanie
a
debt
for
her
championship
and
that
debt
could
only
be
paid
with
silence
.
What
cruel
payment
it
would
be
to
wreck
Melanie
's
life
with
the
unwelcome
knowledge
that
her
husband
was
unfaithful
to
her
,
and
her
beloved
friend
a
party
to
it
!
"
I
ca
n't
tell
her
,
"
she
thought
miserably
.
"
Never
,
not
even
if
my
conscience
kills
me
.
"
She
remembered
irrelevantly
Rhett
's
drunken
remark
:
"
She
ca
n't
conceive
of
dishonor
in
anyone
she
loves
...
let
that
be
your
cross
.
"
Yes
,
it
would
be
her
cross
,
until
she
died
,
to
keep
this
torment
silent
within
her
,
to
wear
the
hair
shirt
of
shame
,
to
feel
it
chafing
her
at
every
tender
look
and
gesture
Melanie
would
make
throughout
the
years
,
to
subdue
forever
the
impulse
to
cry
:
"
Do
n't
be
so
kind
!
Do
n't
fight
for
me
!
I
'm
not
worth
it
!
"
"
If
you
only
were
n't
such
a
fool
,
such
a
sweet
,
trusting
,
simple-minded
fool
,
it
would
n't
be
so
hard
,
"
she
thought
desperately
.
"
I
've
toted
lots
of
weary
loads
but
this
is
going
to
be
the
heaviest
and
most
galling
load
I
've
ever
toted
.
"
