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- Стр. 442/927
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"
Oh
,
nameless
things
.
Things
which
sound
very
silly
when
they
are
put
into
words
.
Mostly
of
having
life
suddenly
become
too
real
,
of
being
brought
into
personal
,
too
personal
,
contact
with
some
of
the
simple
facts
of
life
.
It
is
n't
that
I
mind
splitting
logs
here
in
the
mud
,
but
I
do
mind
what
it
stands
for
.
I
do
mind
,
very
much
,
the
loss
of
the
beauty
of
the
old
life
I
loved
.
Scarlett
,
before
the
war
,
life
was
beautiful
.
There
was
a
glamor
to
it
,
a
perfection
and
a
completeness
and
a
symmetry
to
it
like
Grecian
art
.
Maybe
it
was
n't
so
to
everyone
.
I
know
that
now
.
But
to
me
,
living
at
Twelve
Oaks
,
there
was
a
real
beauty
to
living
.
I
belonged
in
that
life
.
I
was
a
part
of
it
.
And
now
it
is
gone
and
I
am
out
of
place
in
this
new
life
,
and
I
am
afraid
.
Now
,
I
know
that
in
the
old
days
it
was
a
shadow
show
I
watched
.
I
avoided
everything
which
was
not
shadowy
,
people
and
situations
which
were
too
real
,
too
vital
.
I
resented
their
intrusion
.
I
tried
to
avoid
you
too
,
Scarlett
.
You
were
too
full
of
living
and
too
real
and
I
was
cowardly
enough
to
prefer
shadows
and
dreams
.
"
"
But
--
but
--
Melly
?
"
"
Melanie
is
the
gentlest
of
dreams
and
a
part
of
my
dreaming
.
And
if
the
war
had
not
come
I
would
have
lived
out
my
life
,
happily
buried
at
Twelve
Oaks
,
contentedly
watching
life
go
by
and
never
being
a
part
of
it
.
But
when
the
war
came
,
life
as
it
really
is
thrust
itself
against
me
.
The
first
time
I
went
into
action
--
it
was
at
Bull
Run
,
you
remember
--
I
saw
my
boyhood
friends
blown
to
bits
and
heard
dying
horses
scream
and
learned
the
sickeningly
horrible
feeling
of
seeing
men
crumple
up
and
spit
blood
when
I
shot
them
.
But
those
were
n't
the
worst
things
about
the
war
,
Scarlett
.
The
worst
thing
about
the
war
was
the
people
I
had
to
live
with
.
"
I
had
sheltered
myself
from
people
all
my
life
,
I
had
carefully
selected
my
few
friends
.
But
the
war
taught
me
I
had
created
a
world
of
my
own
with
dream
people
in
it
.
It
taught
me
what
people
really
are
,
but
it
did
n't
teach
me
how
to
live
with
them
.
And
I
'm
afraid
I
'll
never
learn
.
Now
,
I
know
that
in
order
to
support
my
wife
and
child
,
I
will
have
to
make
my
way
among
a
world
of
people
with
whom
I
have
nothing
in
common
.
You
,
Scarlett
,
are
taking
life
by
the
horns
and
twisting
it
to
your
will
.
But
where
do
I
fit
in
the
world
any
more
?
I
tell
you
I
am
afraid
.
"
While
his
low
resonant
voice
went
on
,
desolate
,
with
a
feeling
she
could
not
understand
,
Scarlett
clutched
at
words
here
and
there
,
trying
to
make
sense
of
them
.
But
the
words
swooped
from
her
hands
like
wild
birds
.
Something
was
driving
him
,
driving
him
with
a
cruel
goad
,
but
she
did
not
understand
what
it
was
.
"
Scarlett
,
I
do
n't
know
just
when
it
was
that
the
bleak
realization
came
over
me
that
my
own
private
shadow
show
was
over
.
Perhaps
in
the
first
five
minutes
at
Bull
Run
when
I
saw
the
first
man
I
killed
drop
to
the
ground
.
But
I
knew
it
was
over
and
I
could
no
longer
be
a
spectator
.
No
,
I
suddenly
found
myself
on
the
curtain
,
an
actor
,
posturing
and
making
futile
gestures
.
My
little
inner
world
was
gone
,
invaded
by
people
whose
thoughts
were
not
my
thoughts
,
whose
actions
were
as
alien
as
a
Hottentot
's
.
They
'd
tramped
through
my
world
with
slimy
feet
and
there
was
no
place
left
where
I
could
take
refuge
when
things
became
too
bad
to
stand
.
When
I
was
in
prison
,
I
thought
:
When
the
war
is
over
,
I
can
go
back
to
the
old
life
and
the
old
dreams
and
watch
the
shadow
show
again
.
But
,
Scarlett
,
there
's
no
going
back
.
And
this
which
is
facing
all
of
us
now
is
worse
than
war
and
worse
than
prison
--
and
,
to
me
,
worse
than
death
...
.
So
,
you
see
,
Scarlett
,
I
'm
being
punished
for
being
afraid
.
"
"
But
,
Ashley
,
"
she
began
,
floundering
in
a
quagmire
of
bewilderment
,
"
if
you
're
afraid
we
'll
starve
,
why
--
why
--
Oh
,
Ashley
,
we
'll
manage
somehow
!
I
know
we
will
!
"
