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He
felt
that
he
had
to
balance
carefully
(
though
it
was
difficult
)
so
that
this
airy
structure
should
not
collapse
;
but
nevertheless
it
kept
collapsing
and
again
slowly
rising
to
the
sound
of
whispered
rhythmic
music
--
"
it
stretches
,
stretches
,
spreading
out
and
stretching
,
"
said
Prince
Andrew
to
himself
.
While
listening
to
this
whispering
and
feeling
the
sensation
of
this
drawing
out
and
the
construction
of
this
edifice
of
needles
,
he
also
saw
by
glimpses
a
red
halo
round
the
candle
,
and
heard
the
rustle
of
the
cockroaches
and
the
buzzing
of
the
fly
that
flopped
against
his
pillow
and
his
face
.
Each
time
the
fly
touched
his
face
it
gave
him
a
burning
sensation
and
yet
to
his
surprise
it
did
not
destroy
the
structure
,
though
it
knocked
against
the
very
region
of
his
face
where
it
was
rising
.
But
besides
this
there
was
something
else
of
importance
.
It
was
something
white
by
the
door
--
the
statue
of
a
sphinx
,
which
also
oppressed
him
.
"
But
perhaps
that
's
my
shirt
on
the
table
,
"
he
thought
,
"
and
that
's
my
legs
,
and
that
is
the
door
,
but
why
is
it
always
stretching
and
drawing
itself
out
,
and
'
piti-piti-piti
'
and
'
ti-ti
'
and
'
piti-piti-piti
'
...
?
That
's
enough
,
please
leave
off
!
"
Prince
Andrew
painfully
entreated
someone
.
And
suddenly
thoughts
and
feelings
again
swam
to
the
surface
of
his
mind
with
peculiar
clearness
and
force
.
"
Yes
--
love
,
"
he
thought
again
quite
clearly
.
"
But
not
love
which
loves
for
something
,
for
some
quality
,
for
some
purpose
,
or
for
some
reason
,
but
the
love
which
I
--
while
dying
--
first
experienced
when
I
saw
my
enemy
and
yet
loved
him
.
I
experienced
that
feeling
of
love
which
is
the
very
essence
of
the
soul
and
does
not
require
an
object
.
Now
again
I
feel
that
bliss
.
To
love
one
's
neighbors
,
to
love
one
's
enemies
,
to
love
everything
,
to
love
God
in
all
His
manifestations
.
It
is
possible
to
love
someone
dear
to
you
with
human
love
,
but
an
enemy
can
only
be
loved
by
divine
love
.
That
is
why
I
experienced
such
joy
when
I
felt
that
I
loved
that
man
.
What
has
become
of
him
?
Is
he
alive
?
...
"
When
loving
with
human
love
one
may
pass
from
love
to
hatred
,
but
divine
love
can
not
change
.
No
,
neither
death
nor
anything
else
can
destroy
it
.
It
is
the
very
essence
of
the
soul
.
Yet
how
many
people
have
I
hated
in
my
life
?
And
of
them
all
,
I
loved
and
hated
none
as
I
did
her
.
"
And
he
vividly
pictured
to
himself
Natásha
,
not
as
he
had
done
in
the
past
with
nothing
but
her
charms
which
gave
him
delight
,
but
for
the
first
time
picturing
to
himself
her
soul
.
And
he
understood
her
feelings
,
her
sufferings
,
shame
,
and
remorse
.
He
now
understood
for
the
first
time
all
the
cruelty
of
his
rejection
of
her
,
the
cruelty
of
his
rupture
with
her
.
"
If
only
it
were
possible
for
me
to
see
her
once
more
!
Just
once
,
looking
into
those
eyes
to
say
...
"
"
Piti-piti-piti
and
ti-ti
and
piti-piti-piti
boom
!
"
flopped
the
fly
...
And
his
attention
was
suddenly
carried
into
another
world
,
a
world
of
reality
and
delirium
in
which
something
particular
was
happening
.
In
that
world
some
structure
was
still
being
erected
and
did
not
fall
,
something
was
still
stretching
out
,
and
the
candle
with
its
red
halo
was
still
burning
,
and
the
same
shirtlike
sphinx
lay
near
the
door
;
but
besides
all
this
something
creaked
,
there
was
a
whiff
of
fresh
air
,
and
a
new
white
sphinx
appeared
,
standing
at
the
door
.
And
that
sphinx
had
the
pale
face
and
shining
eyes
of
the
very
Natásha
of
whom
he
had
just
been
thinking
.
"
Oh
,
how
oppressive
this
continual
delirium
is
,
"
thought
Prince
Andrew
,
trying
to
drive
that
face
from
his
imagination
.
But
the
face
remained
before
him
with
the
force
of
reality
and
drew
nearer
.
Prince
Andrew
wished
to
return
to
that
former
world
of
pure
thought
,
but
he
could
not
,
and
delirium
drew
him
back
into
its
domain
.
The
soft
whispering
voice
continued
its
rhythmic
murmur
,
something
oppressed
him
and
stretched
out
,
and
the
strange
face
was
before
him
.
Prince
Andrew
collected
all
his
strength
in
an
effort
to
recover
his
senses
,
he
moved
a
little
,
and
suddenly
there
was
a
ringing
in
his
ears
,
a
dimness
in
his
eyes
,
and
like
a
man
plunged
into
water
he
lost
consciousness
.
When
he
came
to
himself
,
Natásha
,
that
same
living
Natásha
whom
of
all
people
he
most
longed
to
love
with
this
new
pure
divine
love
that
had
been
revealed
to
him
,
was
kneeling
before
him
.
He
realized
that
it
was
the
real
living
Natásha
,
and
he
was
not
surprised
but
quietly
happy
.
Natásha
,
motionless
on
her
knees
(
she
was
unable
to
stir
)
,
with
frightened
eyes
riveted
on
him
,
was
restraining
her
sobs
.
Her
face
was
pale
and
rigid
.
Only
in
the
lower
part
of
it
something
quivered
.
Prince
Andrew
sighed
with
relief
,
smiled
,
and
held
out
his
hand
.
"
You
?
"
he
said
.
"
How
fortunate
!
"
