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"
I
should
never
,
never
have
believed
that
one
could
be
so
happy
,
"
she
whispered
to
herself
.
A
smile
lit
up
her
face
but
at
the
same
time
she
sighed
,
and
her
deep
eyes
expressed
a
quiet
sadness
as
though
she
felt
,
through
her
happiness
,
that
there
is
another
sort
of
happiness
unattainable
in
this
life
and
of
which
she
involuntarily
thought
at
that
instant
.
Natásha
had
married
in
the
early
spring
of
1813
,
and
in
1820
already
had
three
daughters
besides
a
son
for
whom
she
had
longed
and
whom
she
was
now
nursing
.
She
had
grown
stouter
and
broader
,
so
that
it
was
difficult
to
recognize
in
this
robust
,
motherly
woman
the
slim
,
lively
Natásha
of
former
days
.
Her
features
were
more
defined
and
had
a
calm
,
soft
,
and
serene
expression
.
In
her
face
there
was
none
of
the
ever-glowing
animation
that
had
formerly
burned
there
and
constituted
its
charm
.
Now
her
face
and
body
were
often
all
that
one
saw
,
and
her
soul
was
not
visible
at
all
.
All
that
struck
the
eye
was
a
strong
,
handsome
,
and
fertile
woman
.
The
old
fire
very
rarely
kindled
in
her
face
now
.
That
happened
only
when
,
as
was
the
case
that
day
,
her
husband
returned
home
,
or
a
sick
child
was
convalescent
,
or
when
she
and
Countess
Mary
spoke
of
Prince
Andrew
(
she
never
mentioned
him
to
her
husband
,
who
she
imagined
was
jealous
of
Prince
Andrew
's
memory
)
,
or
on
the
rare
occasions
when
something
happened
to
induce
her
to
sing
,
a
practice
she
had
quite
abandoned
since
her
marriage
.
At
the
rare
moments
when
the
old
fire
did
kindle
in
her
handsome
,
fully
developed
body
she
was
even
more
attractive
than
in
former
days
.
Since
their
marriage
Natásha
and
her
husband
had
lived
in
Moscow
,
in
Petersburg
,
on
their
estate
near
Moscow
,
or
with
her
mother
,
that
is
to
say
,
in
Nicholas
'
house
.
The
young
Countess
Bezúkhova
was
not
often
seen
in
society
,
and
those
who
met
her
there
were
not
pleased
with
her
and
found
her
neither
attractive
nor
amiable
.
Not
that
Natásha
liked
solitude
--
she
did
not
know
whether
she
liked
it
or
not
,
she
even
thought
that
she
did
not
--
but
with
her
pregnancies
,
her
confinements
,
the
nursing
of
her
children
,
and
sharing
every
moment
of
her
husband
's
life
,
she
had
demands
on
her
time
which
could
be
satisfied
only
by
renouncing
society
.
All
who
had
known
Natásha
before
her
marriage
wondered
at
the
change
in
her
as
at
something
extraordinary
.
Only
the
old
countess
with
her
maternal
instinct
had
realized
that
all
Natásha
's
outbursts
had
been
due
to
her
need
of
children
and
a
husband
--
as
she
herself
had
once
exclaimed
at
Otrádnoe
not
so
much
in
fun
as
in
earnest
--
and
her
mother
was
now
surprised
at
the
surprise
expressed
by
those
who
had
never
understood
Natásha
,
and
she
kept
saying
that
she
had
always
known
that
Natásha
would
make
an
exemplary
wife
and
mother
.
"
Only
she
lets
her
love
of
her
husband
and
children
overflow
all
bounds
,
"
said
the
countess
,
"
so
that
it
even
becomes
absurd
.
"
Natásha
did
not
follow
the
golden
rule
advocated
by
clever
folk
,
especially
by
the
French
,
which
says
that
a
girl
should
not
let
herself
go
when
she
marries
,
should
not
neglect
her
accomplishments
,
should
be
even
more
careful
of
her
appearance
than
when
she
was
unmarried
,
and
should
fascinate
her
husband
as
much
as
she
did
before
he
became
her
husband
.
Natásha
on
the
contrary
had
at
once
abandoned
all
her
witchery
,
of
which
her
singing
had
been
an
unusually
powerful
part
.
She
gave
it
up
just
because
it
was
so
powerfully
seductive
.
She
took
no
pains
with
her
manners
or
with
delicacy
of
speech
,
or
with
her
toilet
,
or
to
show
herself
to
her
husband
in
her
most
becoming
attitudes
,
or
to
avoid
inconveniencing
him
by
being
too
exacting
.
She
acted
in
contradiction
to
all
those
rules
.
She
felt
that
the
allurements
instinct
had
formerly
taught
her
to
use
would
now
be
merely
ridiculous
in
the
eyes
of
her
husband
,
to
whom
she
had
from
the
first
moment
given
herself
up
entirely
--
that
is
,
with
her
whole
soul
,
leaving
no
corner
of
it
hidden
from
him
.
She
felt
that
her
unity
with
her
husband
was
not
maintained
by
the
poetic
feelings
that
had
attracted
him
to
her
,
but
by
something
else
--
indefinite
but
firm
as
the
bond
between
her
own
body
and
soul
.
To
fluff
out
her
curls
,
put
on
fashionable
dresses
,
and
sing
romantic
songs
to
fascinate
her
husband
would
have
seemed
as
strange
as
to
adorn
herself
to
attract
herself
.
To
adorn
herself
for
others
might
perhaps
have
been
agreeable
--
she
did
not
know
--
but
she
had
no
time
at
all
for
it
.
The
chief
reason
for
devoting
no
time
either
to
singing
,
to
dress
,
or
to
choosing
her
words
was
that
she
really
had
no
time
to
spare
for
these
things
.
We
know
that
man
has
the
faculty
of
becoming
completely
absorbed
in
a
subject
however
trivial
it
may
be
,
and
that
there
is
no
subject
so
trivial
that
it
will
not
grow
to
infinite
proportions
if
one
's
entire
attention
is
devoted
to
it
.
The
subject
which
wholly
engrossed
Natásha
's
attention
was
her
family
:
that
is
,
her
husband
whom
she
had
to
keep
so
that
he
should
belong
entirely
to
her
and
to
the
home
,
and
the
children
whom
she
had
to
bear
,
bring
into
the
world
,
nurse
,
and
bring
up
.
