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"
Of
course
not
.
Nor
do
I
believe
you
're
stupid
enough
to
think
fear
of
retribution
is
what
keeps
me
within
the
priestly
fold
.
"
"
Oho
!
Waspish
,
Father
de
Bricassart
!
Then
what
does
keep
you
tied
?
What
compels
you
to
suffer
the
dust
,
the
heat
and
the
Gilly
flies
?
For
all
you
know
,
it
might
be
a
life
sentence
.
"
A
shadow
momentarily
dimmed
the
blue
eyes
,
but
he
smiled
,
pitying
her
.
"
You
're
a
great
comfort
,
are
n't
you
?
"
His
lips
parted
,
he
looked
toward
the
ceiling
and
sighed
.
"
I
was
brought
up
from
my
cradle
to
be
a
priest
,
but
it
's
far
more
than
that
.
How
can
I
explain
it
to
a
woman
?
I
am
a
vessel
,
Mrs.
Carson
,
and
at
times
I
'm
filled
with
God
.
If
I
were
a
better
priest
,
there
would
be
no
periods
of
emptiness
at
all
.
And
that
filling
,
that
oneness
with
God
,
is
n't
a
function
of
place
.
Whether
I
'm
in
Gillanbone
or
a
bishop
's
palace
,
it
occurs
.
But
to
define
it
is
difficult
,
because
even
to
priests
it
's
a
great
mystery
.
A
divine
possession
,
which
other
men
can
never
know
.
That
's
it
,
perhaps
.
Abandon
it
?
I
could
n't
.
"
"
So
it
's
a
power
,
is
it
?
Why
should
it
be
given
to
priests
,
then
?
What
makes
you
think
the
mere
smearing
of
chrism
during
an
exhaustingly
long
ceremony
is
able
to
endow
any
man
with
it
?
"
He
shook
his
head
.
"
Look
,
it
's
years
of
life
,
even
before
getting
to
the
point
of
ordination
.
The
careful
development
of
a
state
of
mind
which
opens
the
vessel
to
God
.
It
's
earned!Every
day
it
's
earned
.
Which
is
the
purpose
of
the
vows
,
do
n't
you
see
?
That
no
earthly
things
come
between
the
priest
and
his
state
of
mind
--
not
love
of
a
woman
,
nor
love
of
money
,
nor
unwillingness
to
obey
the
dictates
of
other
men
.
Poverty
is
nothing
new
to
me
;
I
do
n't
come
from
a
rich
family
.
Chastity
I
accept
without
finding
it
difficult
to
maintain
.
And
obedience
?
For
me
,
it
's
the
hardest
of
the
three
.
But
I
obey
,
because
if
I
hold
myself
more
important
than
my
function
as
a
receptacle
for
God
,
I
'm
lost
.
I
obey
.
And
if
necessary
,
I
'm
willing
to
endure
Gillanbone
as
a
life
sentence
.
"
"
Then
you
're
a
fool
,
"
she
said
.
"
I
,
too
,
think
that
there
are
more
important
things
than
lovers
,
but
being
a
receptacle
for
God
is
n't
one
of
them
.
Odd
.
I
never
realized
you
believed
in
God
so
ardently
.
I
thought
you
were
perhaps
a
man
who
doubted
.
"
"
I
do
doubt
.
What
thinking
man
does
n't
?
That
's
why
at
times
I
'm
empty
.
"
He
looked
beyond
her
,
at
something
she
could
n't
see
.
"
Do
you
know
,
I
think
I
'd
give
up
every
ambition
,
every
desire
in
me
,
for
the
chance
to
be
a
perfect
priest
?
"
"
Perfection
in
anything
,
"
she
said
,
"
is
unbearably
dull
.
Myself
,
I
prefer
a
touch
of
imperfection
.
"
