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- Колин Маккалоу
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- Стр. 410/535
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"
I
'm
never
,
never
,
never
going
to
love
anyone
!
If
you
love
people
,
they
kill
you
.
If
you
need
people
,
they
kill
you
.
They
do
,
I
tell
you
!
"
It
always
hurt
him
,
that
she
felt
left
out
of
love
,
and
hurt
more
that
he
knew
himself
the
cause
.
If
there
was
one
overriding
reason
why
she
was
so
important
to
him
,
it
was
because
she
loved
him
enough
to
bear
no
grudges
,
had
never
made
him
feel
a
moment
's
lessening
of
her
love
through
jealousy
or
resentment
.
To
him
,
it
was
a
cruel
fact
that
she
moved
on
an
outer
circle
while
he
was
the
very
hub
.
He
had
prayed
and
prayed
things
would
change
,
but
they
never
did
.
Which
had
n't
lessened
his
faith
,
only
pointed
out
to
him
with
fresh
emphasis
that
somewhere
,
sometime
,
he
would
have
to
pay
for
the
emotion
squandered
on
him
at
her
expense
.
She
put
a
good
face
on
it
,
had
managed
to
convince
even
herself
that
she
did
very
well
on
that
outer
orbit
,
but
he
felt
her
pain
.
He
knew
.
There
was
so
much
worth
loving
in
her
,
so
little
worth
loving
in
himself
.
Without
a
hope
of
understanding
differently
,
he
assumed
he
had
the
lion
's
share
of
love
because
of
his
beauty
,
his
more
tractable
nature
,
his
ability
to
communicate
with
his
mother
and
the
other
Drogheda
people
.
And
because
he
was
male
.
Very
little
escaped
him
beyond
what
he
simply
could
n't
know
,
and
he
had
had
Justine
's
confidence
and
companionship
in
ways
no
one
else
ever
had
.
Mum
mattered
to
Justine
far
more
than
she
would
admit
.
But
I
will
atone
,
he
thought
.
I
've
had
everything
.
Somehow
I
've
got
to
pay
it
back
,
make
it
up
to
her
.
Suddenly
he
chanced
to
see
his
watch
,
came
to
his
feet
bonelessly
;
huge
though
he
admitted
his
debt
to
his
sister
was
,
to
Someone
else
he
owed
even
more
.
"
I
've
got
to
go
,
Jus
.
"
"
You
and
your
bloody
Church
!
When
are
you
going
to
grow
out
of
it
?
"
"
Never
,
I
hope
.
"
"
When
will
I
see
you
?
"
"
Well
,
since
today
's
Friday
,
tomorrow
of
course
,
eleven
o'clock
,
here
.
"
