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- Колин Маккалоу
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- Стр. 291/535
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What
was
sleep
?
Meggie
wondered
.
A
blessing
,
a
respite
from
life
,
an
echo
of
death
,
a
demanding
nuisance
?
Whatever
it
was
,
he
had
yielded
himself
to
it
,
and
lay
with
his
arm
over
her
and
his
head
beside
her
shoulder
,
possessive
even
in
it
.
She
was
tired
,
too
,
but
she
would
not
let
herself
sleep
.
Somehow
she
felt
if
she
relaxed
her
grasp
on
consciousness
he
might
not
be
there
when
she
picked
it
up
again
.
Later
she
could
sleep
,
after
he
was
awake
and
the
secretive
,
beautiful
mouth
uttered
its
first
words
.
What
would
he
say
to
her
?
Would
he
regret
it
?
Had
she
been
a
pleasure
to
him
worth
what
he
had
abandoned
?
So
many
years
he
had
fought
it
,
made
her
fight
it
with
him
;
she
could
hardly
make
herself
believe
he
had
lain
down
his
arms
at
last
,
but
there
had
been
things
he
had
said
in
the
night
and
in
the
midst
of
his
pain
which
blotted
out
his
long
denial
of
her
.
She
was
supremely
happy
,
happier
than
she
could
remember
ever
being
.
From
the
moment
he
had
pulled
her
back
from
the
door
it
had
been
a
body
poem
,
a
thing
of
arms
and
hands
and
skin
and
utter
pleasure
.
I
was
made
for
him
,
and
only
for
him
...
That
's
why
I
felt
so
little
with
Luke
!
Borne
out
beyond
the
limits
of
endurance
on
her
body
's
tide
,
all
she
could
think
was
that
to
give
him
everything
she
could
was
more
necessary
to
her
than
life
itself
.
He
must
never
regret
it
,
never
.
Oh
,
his
pain
!
There
had
been
moments
when
she
seemed
actually
to
feel
it
as
if
it
had
been
her
own
.
Which
only
contributed
to
her
happiness
;
there
was
some
justice
in
his
pain
.
He
was
awake
.
She
looked
down
into
his
eyes
and
saw
the
same
love
in
their
blueness
which
had
warmed
her
,
given
her
purpose
since
childhood
;
and
with
it
a
great
,
shadowed
fatigue
.
Not
a
weariness
of
the
body
,
but
a
weariness
of
the
soul
.
He
was
thinking
that
in
all
his
life
he
had
never
woken
in
the
same
bed
as
another
person
;
it
was
in
a
way
more
intimate
than
the
sexual
act
preceding
it
,
a
deliberate
indication
of
emotional
ties
,
a
cleaving
to
her
.
Light
and
empty
as
the
air
so
alluringly
full
of
marine
tang
and
sun-soaked
vegetation
,
he
drifted
for
a
while
on
the
wings
of
a
different
kind
of
freedom
:
the
relief
of
relinquishing
his
mandate
to
fight
her
,
the
peace
of
losing
a
long
,
incredibly
bloody
war
and
finding
the
surrender
far
sweeter
than
the
battles
.
Ah
,
but
I
gave
you
a
good
fight
,
my
Meggie
!
Yet
in
the
end
it
is
n't
your
fragments
I
must
glue
together
,
but
the
dismembered
chunks
of
myself
.
You
were
put
in
my
life
to
show
me
how
false
,
how
presumptuous
is
the
pride
of
a
priest
of
my
kind
;
like
Lucifer
I
aspired
to
that
which
is
God
's
alone
,
and
like
Lucifer
,
I
fell
.
I
had
the
chastity
,
the
obedience
,
even
the
poverty
before
Mary
Carson
.
But
until
this
morning
I
have
never
known
humility
.
Dear
Lord
,
if
she
meant
nothing
to
me
it
would
be
easier
to
bear
,
but
sometimes
I
think
I
love
her
far
more
than
I
do
Thee
,
and
that
,
too
,
is
a
part
of
Thy
punishment
.
Her
I
do
not
doubt
;
Thou
?
A
trick
,
a
phantom
,
a
jest
.
How
can
I
love
a
jest
?
And
yet
,
I
do
.
"
If
I
could
get
the
energy
together
,
I
'd
go
for
a
swim
and
then
make
breakfast
,
"
he
said
,
desperate
for
something
to
say
,
and
felt
her
smile
against
his
chest
.
"
Go
for
the
swim
part
,
I
'll
make
the
breakfast
.
And
there
's
no
need
to
put
anything
on
here
.
No
one
comes
.
"
"
Truly
paradise
!
"
He
swung
his
legs
off
the
bed
,
sat
up
and
stretched
.
"
It
's
a
beautiful
morning
.
I
wonder
if
that
's
an
omen
.
"
