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- Колин Маккалоу
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By
the
end
of
May
there
were
only
four
weeks
left
to
go
,
four
weeks
until
Meggie
could
rid
herself
of
this
intolerable
burden
,
this
ungrateful
child
.
She
was
learning
to
hate
it
,
the
very
being
she
had
wanted
so
much
before
discovering
what
trouble
it
would
cause
.
Why
had
she
assumed
Luke
would
look
forward
to
the
baby
once
its
existence
was
a
reality
?
Nothing
in
his
attitude
or
conduct
since
their
marriage
indicated
he
would
.
Time
she
admitted
it
was
a
disaster
,
abandoned
her
silly
pride
and
tried
to
salvage
what
she
could
from
the
ruins
.
They
had
married
for
all
the
wrong
reasons
:
he
for
her
money
,
she
as
an
escape
from
Ralph
de
Bricassart
while
trying
to
retain
Ralph
de
Bricassart
.
There
had
never
been
any
pretense
at
love
,
and
only
love
might
have
helped
her
and
Luke
to
overcome
the
enormous
difficulties
their
differing
aims
and
desires
created
.
Oddly
enough
,
she
never
seemed
able
to
hate
Luke
,
where
she
found
herself
hating
Ralph
de
Bricassart
more
and
more
frequently
.
Yet
when
all
was
said
and
done
,
Ralph
had
been
far
kinder
and
fairer
to
her
than
Luke
.
Not
once
had
he
encouraged
her
to
dream
of
him
in
any
roles
save
priest
and
friend
,
for
even
on
the
two
occasions
when
he
had
kissed
her
,
she
had
begun
the
move
herself
.
Why
be
so
angry
with
him
,
then
?
Why
hate
Ralph
and
not
Luke
?
Blame
her
own
fears
and
inadequacies
,
the
huge
,
outraged
resentment
she
felt
because
he
had
consistently
rejected
her
when
she
loved
and
wanted
him
so
much
.
And
blame
that
stupid
impulse
which
had
led
her
to
marry
Luke
O'Neill
.
A
betrayal
of
her
own
self
and
Ralph
.
No
matter
if
she
could
never
have
married
him
,
slept
with
him
,
had
his
child
.
No
matter
if
he
did
n't
want
her
,
and
he
did
n't
want
her
.
The
fact
remained
that
he
was
who
she
wanted
,
and
she
ought
never
to
have
settled
for
less
.
But
knowing
the
wrongs
could
n't
alter
them
.
It
was
still
Luke
O'Neill
she
had
married
,
Luke
O'Neill
's
child
she
was
carrying
.
How
could
she
be
happy
at
the
thought
of
Luke
O'Neill
's
child
,
when
even
he
did
n't
want
it
?
Poor
little
thing
.
At
least
when
it
was
born
it
would
be
its
own
piece
of
humanity
,
and
could
be
loved
as
that
.
Only
...
What
would
n't
she
give
,
for
Ralph
de
Bricassart
's
child
?
The
impossible
,
the
never-to-be
.
He
served
an
institution
which
insisted
on
having
all
of
him
,
even
that
part
of
him
she
had
no
use
for
,
his
manhood
.
That
Mother
Church
required
from
him
as
a
sacrifice
to
her
power
as
an
institution
,
and
thus
wasted
him
,
stamped
his
being
out
of
being
,
made
sure
that
when
he
stopped
he
would
be
stopped
forever
.
Only
one
day
she
would
have
to
pay
for
her
greed
.
One
day
there
would
n't
be
any
more
Ralph
de
Bricassarts
,
because
they
'd
value
their
manhood
enough
to
see
that
her
demanding
it
of
them
was
a
useless
sacrifice
,
having
no
meaning
whatsoever
...
Suddenly
she
stood
up
and
waddled
through
to
the
living
room
,
where
Anne
was
sitting
reading
an
underground
copy
of
Norman
Lindsay
's
banned
novel
,
Red-heap
,
very
obviously
enjoying
every
forbidden
word
.
"
Anne
,
I
think
you
're
going
to
get
your
wish
.
"
Anne
looked
up
absently
.
"
What
,
dear
?
"
