Голод/Hunger (Кнут Гамсун). Страница 53 из 143

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I

have

two

letters

for

him

.

"

"

He

has

gone

home

,

"

replies

the

woman

;

"

but

he

will

return

after

the

holidays

.

I

could

take

the

letters

if

you

like

!

"

"

Yes

,

thanks

!

that

was

all

right

,

"

said

I.

"

He

could

get

them

then

when

he

came

back

;

they

might

contain

matters

of

importance

.

Good-morning

.

"

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When

I

got

outside

,

I

came

to

a

standstill

and

said

loudly

in

the

open

street

,

as

I

clenched

my

hands

:

"

I

will

tell

you

one

thing

,

my

good

Lord

God

,

you

are

a

bungler

!

"

and

I

nod

furiously

,

with

set

teeth

,

up

to

the

clouds

;

"

I

will

be

hanged

if

you

are

not

a

bungler

.

"

Then

I

took

a

few

strides

,

and

stopped

again

.

Suddenly

,

changing

my

attitude

,

I

fold

my

hands

,

hold

my

head

to

one

side

,

and

ask

,

with

an

unctuous

,

sanctimonious

tone

of

voice

:

"

Hast

thou

appealed

also

to

him

,

my

child

?

"

It

did

not

sound

right

!

With

a

large

H

,

I

say

,

with

an

H

as

big

as

a

cathedral

!

once

again

,

"

Hast

thou

invoked

Him

,

my

child

?

"

and

I

incline

my

head

,

and

I

make

my

voice

whine

,

and

answer

,

No

!

That

did

n't

sound

right

either

.

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You

ca

n't

play

the

hypocrite

,

you

idiot

!

Yes

,

you

should

say

,

I

have

invoked

God

my

Father

!

and

you

must

set

your

words

to

the

most

piteous

tune

you

have

ever

heard

in

your

life

.

So

--

o

!

Once

again

!

Come

,

that

was

better

!

But

you

must

sigh

like

a

horse

down

with

the

colic

.

So

--

o

!

that

's

right

.

Thus

I

go

,

drilling

myself

in

hypocrisy

;

stamp

impatiently

in

the

street

when

I

fail

to

succeed

;

rail

at

myself

for

being

such

a

blockhead

,

whilst

the

astonished

passers-by

turn

round

and

stare

at

me

.

I

chewed

uninterruptedly

at

my

shaving

,

and

proceeded

,

as

steadily

as

I

could

,

along

the

street

.

Before

I

realized

it

,

I

was

at

the

railway

square

.

The

dock

on

Our

Saviour

's

pointed

to

half-past

one

.

I

stood

for

a

bit

and

considered

.

A

faint

sweat

forced

itself

out

on

my

face

,

and

trickled

down

my

eyelids

.

Accompany

me

down

to

the

bridge

,

said

I

to

myself

--

that

is

to

say

,

if

you

have

spare

time

!

--

and

I

made

a

bow

to

myself

,

and

turned

towards

the

railway

bridge

near

the

wharf

.

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