Голод/Hunger (Кнут Гамсун). Страница 39 из 143

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I

had

fallen

asleep

where

I

lay

,

and

was

awakened

by

the

policeman

.

There

I

sat

,

recalled

mercilessly

to

life

and

misery

.

My

first

feeling

was

of

stupid

amazement

at

finding

myself

in

the

open

air

;

but

this

was

quickly

replaced

by

a

bitter

despondency

,

I

was

near

crying

with

sorrow

at

being

still

alive

.

It

had

rained

whilst

I

slept

,

and

my

clothes

were

soaked

through

and

through

,

and

I

felt

a

damp

cold

in

my

limbs

.

The

darkness

was

denser

;

it

was

with

difficulty

that

I

could

distinguish

the

policeman

's

face

in

front

of

me

.

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"

So

,

that

's

right

,

"

he

said

;

"

get

up

now

.

"

I

got

up

at

once

;

if

he

had

commanded

me

to

lie

down

again

I

would

have

obeyed

too

.

I

was

fearfully

dejected

,

and

utterly

without

strength

;

added

to

that

,

I

was

almost

instantly

aware

of

the

pangs

of

hunger

again

.

"

Hold

on

there

!

"

the

policeman

shouted

after

me

;

"

why

,

you

're

walking

off

without

your

hat

,

you

Juggins

!

So

--

h

there

;

now

,

go

on

.

"

"

I

indeed

thought

there

was

something

--

something

I

had

forgotten

,

"

I

stammered

,

absently

.

"

Thanks

,

good-night

!

"

and

I

stumbled

away

.

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If

one

only

had

a

little

bread

to

eat

;

one

of

those

delicious

little

brown

loaves

that

one

could

bite

into

as

one

walked

along

the

street

;

and

as

I

went

on

I

thought

over

the

particular

sort

of

brown

bread

that

would

be

so

unspeakably

good

to

munch

.

I

was

bitterly

hungry

;

wished

myself

dead

and

buried

;

I

got

maudlin

,

and

wept

.

There

never

was

any

end

to

my

misery

.

Suddenly

I

stopped

in

the

street

,

stamped

on

the

pavement

,

and

cursed

loudly

.

What

was

it

he

called

me

?

A

"

Juggins

"

?

I

would

just

show

him

what

calling

me

a

"

Juggins

"

means

.

I

turned

round

and

ran

back

.

I

felt

red-hot

with

anger

.

Down

the

street

I

stumbled

,

and

fell

,

but

I

paid

no

heed

to

it

,

jumped

up

again

,

and

ran

on

.

But

by

the

time

I

reached

the

railway

station

I

had

become

so

tired

that

I

did

not

feel

able

to

proceed

all

the

way

to

the

landing-stage

;

besides

,

my

anger

had

cooled

down

with

the

run

.

At

length

I

pulled

up

and

drew

breath

.

Was

it

not

,

after

all

,

a

matter

of

perfect

indifference

to

me

what

such

a

policeman

said

?

Yes

;

but

one

could

n't

stand

everything

.

Right

enough

,

I

interrupted

myself

;

but

he

knew

no

better

.

And

I

found

this

argument

satisfactory

.

I

repeated

twice

to

myself

,

"

He

knew

no

better

"

;

and

with

that

I

returned

again

.

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