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There
was
no
possible
use
in
giving
way
,
with
the
unpaid
rent
staring
me
straight
in
the
face
.
Slowly
,
quite
slowly
,
my
thoughts
collected
.
I
paid
attention
to
them
,
and
wrote
quietly
and
well
;
wrote
a
couple
of
pages
as
an
introduction
.
It
would
serve
as
a
beginning
to
anything
.
A
description
of
travel
,
a
political
leader
,
just
as
I
thought
fit
--
it
was
a
perfectly
splendid
commencement
for
something
or
anything
.
So
I
took
to
seeking
for
some
particular
subject
to
handle
,
a
person
or
a
thing
,
that
I
might
grapple
with
,
and
I
could
find
nothing
.
Along
with
this
fruitless
exertion
,
disorder
began
to
hold
its
sway
again
in
my
thoughts
.
I
felt
how
my
brain
positively
snapped
and
my
head
emptied
,
until
it
sat
at
last
,
light
,
buoyant
,
and
void
on
my
shoulders
.
I
was
conscious
of
the
gaping
vacuum
in
my
skull
with
every
fibre
of
my
being
.
I
seemed
to
myself
to
be
hollowed
out
from
top
and
toe
.
In
my
pain
I
cried
:
"
Lord
,
my
God
and
Father
!
"
and
repeated
this
cry
many
times
at
a
stretch
,
without
adding
one
word
more
.
The
wind
soughed
through
the
trees
;
a
storm
was
brewing
.
I
sat
a
while
longer
,
and
gazed
at
my
paper
,
lost
in
thought
,
then
folded
it
up
and
put
it
slowly
into
my
pocket
.
It
got
chilly
;
and
I
no
longer
owned
a
waistcoat
.
I
buttoned
my
coat
right
up
to
my
throat
and
thrust
my
hands
in
my
pockets
;
thereupon
I
rose
and
went
on
.
If
I
had
only
succeeded
this
time
,
just
this
once
.
Twice
my
landlady
had
asked
me
with
her
eyes
for
payment
,
and
I
was
obliged
to
hang
my
head
and
slink
past
her
with
a
shamefaced
air
.
I
could
not
do
it
again
:
the
very
next
time
I
met
those
eyes
I
would
give
warning
and
account
for
myself
honestly
.
Well
,
any
way
,
things
could
not
last
long
at
this
rate
.
On
coming
to
the
exit
of
the
park
I
saw
the
old
chap
I
had
put
to
flight
.
The
mysterious
new
paper
parcel
lay
opened
on
the
seat
next
him
,
filled
with
different
sorts
of
victuals
,
of
which
he
ate
as
he
sat
.
I
immediately
wanted
to
go
over
and
ask
pardon
for
my
conduct
,
but
the
sight
of
food
repelled
me
.
The
decrepit
fingers
looked
like
ten
claws
as
they
clutched
loathsomely
at
the
greasy
bread
and
butter
;
I
felt
qualmish
,
and
passed
by
without
addressing
him
.
He
did
not
recognize
me
;
his
eyes
stared
at
me
,
dry
as
horn
,
and
his
face
did
not
move
a
muscle
.
And
so
I
went
on
my
way
.
As
customary
,
I
halted
before
every
newspaper
placard
I
came
to
,
to
read
the
announcements
of
situations
vacant
,
and
was
lucky
enough
to
find
one
that
I
might
try
for
.
A
grocer
in
Groenlandsleret
wanted
a
man
every
week
for
a
couple
of
hours
'
book-keeping
;
remuneration
according
to
agreement
.
I
noted
my
man
's
address
,
and
prayed
to
God
in
silence
for
this
place
.
I
would
demand
less
than
any
one
else
for
my
work
;
sixpence
was
ample
,
or
perhaps
fivepence
.
That
would
not
matter
in
the
least
.
On
going
home
,
a
slip
of
paper
from
my
landlady
lay
on
my
table
,
in
which
she
begged
me
to
pay
my
rent
in
advance
,
or
else
move
as
soon
as
I
could
.
I
must
not
be
offended
,
it
was
absolutely
a
necessary
request
.
Friendlily
Mrs.
Gundersen
.
