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- Стр. 137/143
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I
take
out
my
MSS
.
there
where
I
am
sitting
,
and
resolve
,
with
might
and
main
,
to
finish
the
last
few
scenes
.
I
think
until
I
sweat
,
and
re-read
from
the
beginning
,
but
make
no
progress
.
No
bosh
!
I
say
--
no
obstinacy
,
now
!
and
I
write
away
at
my
drama
--
write
down
everything
that
strikes
me
,
just
to
get
finished
quickly
and
be
able
to
go
away
.
I
tried
to
persuade
myself
that
a
new
supreme
moment
had
seized
me
;
I
lied
right
royally
to
myself
,
deceived
myself
knowingly
,
and
wrote
on
,
as
if
I
had
no
need
to
seek
for
words
.
That
is
capital
!
That
is
really
a
find
!
whispered
I
,
interpolatingly
;
only
just
write
it
down
!
Halt
!
they
sound
questionable
;
they
contrast
rather
strongly
with
the
speeches
in
the
first
scenes
;
not
a
trace
of
the
Middle
Ages
shone
through
the
monk
's
words
.
I
break
my
pencil
between
my
teeth
,
jump
to
my
feet
,
tear
my
manuscript
in
two
,
tear
each
page
in
two
,
fling
my
hat
down
in
the
street
and
trample
upon
it
.
I
am
lost
!
I
whisper
to
myself
.
Ladies
and
gentlemen
,
I
am
lost
!
I
utter
no
more
than
these
few
words
as
long
as
I
stand
there
,
and
tramp
upon
my
hat
.
A
policeman
is
standing
a
few
steps
away
,
watching
me
.
He
is
standing
in
the
middle
of
the
street
,
and
he
only
pays
attention
to
me
.
As
I
lift
my
head
,
our
eyes
meet
.
Maybe
he
has
been
standing
there
for
a
long
time
watching
me
.
I
pick
up
my
hat
,
put
it
on
,
and
go
over
to
him
.
"
Do
you
know
what
time
it
is
?
"
I
ask
.
He
pauses
a
bit
as
he
hauls
out
his
watch
,
and
never
takes
his
eyes
off
me
the
whole
time
.
"
About
four
,
"
he
replies
.
"
Accurately
,
"
I
say
,
"
about
four
,
perfectly
accurate
.
You
know
your
business
,
and
I
'll
bear
you
in
mind
.
"
Thereupon
I
left
him
.
He
looked
utterly
amazed
at
me
,
stood
and
looked
at
me
,
with
gaping
mouth
,
still
holding
his
watch
in
his
hand
.
When
I
got
in
front
of
the
Royal
Hotel
I
turned
and
looked
back
.
He
was
still
standing
in
the
same
position
,
following
me
with
his
eyes
.
Ha
,
ha
!
That
is
the
way
to
treat
brutes
!
With
the
most
refined
effrontery
!
That
impresses
the
brutes
--
puts
the
fear
of
God
into
them
...
.
I
was
peculiarly
satisfied
with
myself
,
and
began
to
sing
a
little
strain
.
Every
nerve
was
tense
with
excitement
.
Without
feeling
any
more
pain
,
without
even
being
conscious
of
discomfort
of
any
kind
,
I
walked
,
light
as
a
feather
,
across
the
whole
market
,
turned
round
at
the
stalls
,
and
came
to
a
halt
--
sat
down
on
a
bench
near
Our
Saviour
's
Church
.
Might
it
not
just
as
well
be
a
matter
of
indifference
whether
I
returned
the
half-sovereign
or
not
?
When
once
I
received
it
,
it
was
mine
;
and
there
was
evidently
no
want
where
it
came
from
.
Besides
,
I
was
obliged
to
take
it
when
it
was
sent
expressly
to
me
;
there
could
be
no
object
in
letting
the
messenger
keep
it
.
It
would
n't
do
,
either
,
to
send
it
back
--
a
whole
half-sovereign
that
had
been
sent
to
me
.
So
there
was
positively
no
help
for
it
.
I
tried
to
watch
the
bustle
about
me
in
the
market
,
and
distract
myself
with
indifferent
things
,
but
I
did
not
succeed
;
the
half-sovereign
still
busied
my
thoughts
.
At
last
I
clenched
my
fists
and
got
angry
.
It
would
hurt
her
if
I
were
to
send
it
back
.
Why
,
then
,
should
I
do
so
?
Always
ready
to
consider
myself
too
good
for
everything
--
to
toss
my
head
and
say
,
No
,
thanks
!
I
saw
now
what
it
led
to
.
I
was
out
in
the
street
again
.
Even
when
I
had
the
opportunity
I
could
n't
keep
my
good
warm
lodging
.
No
;
I
must
needs
be
proud
,
jump
up
at
the
first
word
,
and
show
I
was
n't
the
man
to
stand
trifling
,
chuck
half-sovereigns
right
and
left
,
and
go
my
way
...
.
I
took
myself
sharply
to
task
for
having
left
my
lodging
and
brought
myself
into
the
most
distressful
circumstances
.
