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If
I
only
had
a
place
to
go
to
.
I
thought
over
it
--
stopped
right
there
in
the
street
and
pondered
,
but
I
could
not
bring
to
mind
a
single
quiet
spot
in
the
town
where
I
could
seat
myself
for
an
hour
.
There
was
no
other
way
open
;
I
would
have
to
go
back
to
the
lodging-house
in
Vaterland
.
I
shrank
at
the
thought
of
it
,
and
I
told
myself
all
the
while
that
it
would
not
do
.
I
went
ahead
all
the
same
,
and
approached
nearer
and
nearer
to
the
forbidden
spot
.
Of
course
it
was
wretched
.
I
admitted
to
myself
that
it
was
degrading
--
downright
degrading
,
but
there
was
no
help
for
it
.
I
was
not
in
the
least
proud
;
I
dared
make
the
assertion
roundly
,
that
I
was
one
of
the
least
arrogant
beings
up
to
date
.
I
went
ahead
.
I
pulled
up
at
the
door
and
weighed
it
over
once
more
.
Yes
,
no
matter
what
the
result
was
,
I
would
have
to
dare
it
.
After
all
said
and
done
,
what
a
bagatelle
to
make
such
a
fuss
about
.
For
the
first
it
was
only
a
matter
of
a
couple
of
hours
;
for
the
second
,
the
Lord
forbid
that
I
should
ever
seek
refuge
in
such
a
house
again
.
I
entered
the
yard
.
Even
whilst
I
was
crossing
the
uneven
stones
I
was
irresolute
,
and
almost
turned
round
at
the
very
door
.
I
clenched
my
teeth
.
No
!
no
pride
!
At
the
worst
I
could
excuse
myself
by
saying
I
had
come
to
say
good-bye
,
to
make
a
proper
adieu
,
and
come
to
a
clear
understanding
about
my
debt
to
the
house
...
.
I
took
forth
my
papers
once
more
,
and
determined
to
thrust
all
irrelevant
impressions
aside
.
I
had
left
off
right
in
the
middle
of
a
sentence
in
the
inquisitor
's
address
--
"
Thus
dictate
God
and
the
law
to
me
,
thus
dictates
also
the
counsel
of
my
wise
men
,
thus
dictate
I
and
my
own
conscience
...
.
"
I
looked
out
of
the
window
to
think
over
what
his
conscience
should
dictate
to
him
.
A
little
row
reached
me
from
the
room
inside
.
Well
,
it
was
no
affair
of
mine
anyway
;
it
was
entirely
and
totally
indifferent
to
me
what
noise
arose
.
Why
the
devil
should
I
sit
thinking
about
it
?
Keep
quiet
now
!
"
Thus
dictate
I
and
my
own
conscience
...
.
"
But
everything
conspired
against
me
.
Outside
in
the
street
,
something
was
taking
place
that
disturbed
me
.
A
little
lad
sat
and
amused
himself
in
the
sun
on
the
opposite
side
of
the
pavement
.
He
was
happy
and
in
fear
of
no
danger
--
just
sat
and
knotted
together
a
lot
of
paper
streamers
,
and
injuring
no
one
.
Suddenly
he
jumps
up
and
begins
to
curse
;
he
goes
backwards
to
the
middle
of
the
street
and
catches
sight
of
a
man
,
a
grown-up
man
,
with
a
red
beard
,
who
is
leaning
out
of
an
open
window
in
the
second
storey
,
and
who
spat
down
on
his
head
.
The
little
chap
cried
with
rage
,
and
swore
impatiently
up
at
the
window
;
and
the
man
laughed
in
his
face
.
Perhaps
five
minutes
passed
in
this
way
.
I
turned
aside
to
avoid
seeing
the
little
lad
's
tears
.
"
Thus
dictate
I
and
my
own
conscience
...
.
"
I
found
it
impossible
to
get
any
farther
.
At
last
everything
began
to
get
confused
;
it
seemed
to
me
that
even
that
which
I
had
already
written
was
unfit
to
use
,
ay
,
that
the
whole
idea
was
contemptible
rubbish
.
How
could
one
possibly
talk
of
conscience
in
the
Middle
Ages
?
Conscience
was
first
invented
by
Dancing
-
master
Shakespeare
,
consequently
my
whole
address
was
wrong
.
Was
there
,
then
,
nothing
of
value
in
these
pages
?
I
ran
through
them
anew
,
and
solved
my
doubt
at
once
.
I
discovered
grand
pieces
--
downright
lengthy
pieces
of
remarkable
merit
--
and
once
again
the
intoxicating
desire
to
set
to
work
again
darted
through
my
breast
--
the
desire
to
finish
my
drama
.
I
got
up
and
went
to
the
door
,
without
paying
any
attention
to
my
landlord
's
furious
signs
to
go
out
quietly
;
I
walked
out
of
the
room
firmly
,
and
with
my
mind
made
up
.
I
went
upstairs
to
the
second
floor
,
and
entered
my
former
room
.
The
man
was
not
there
,
and
what
was
to
hinder
me
from
sitting
here
for
a
moment
?
I
would
not
touch
one
of
his
things
.
I
would
n't
even
once
use
his
table
;
I
would
just
seat
myself
on
a
chair
near
the
door
,
and
be
happy
.
I
spread
the
papers
hurriedly
out
on
my
knees
.
Things
went
splendidly
for
a
few
minutes
.
Retort
upon
retort
stood
ready
in
my
head
,
and
I
wrote
uninterruptedly
.
I
filled
one
page
after
the
other
,
dashed
ahead
over
stock
and
stone
,
chuckled
softly
in
ecstasy
over
my
happy
vein
,
and
was
scarcely
conscious
of
myself
.
The
only
sound
I
heard
in
this
moment
was
my
own
merry
chuckle
.
A
singularly
happy
idea
had
just
struck
me
about
a
church
bell
--
a
church
bell
that
was
to
peal
out
at
a
certain
point
in
my
drama
.
All
was
going
ahead
with
overwhelming
rapidity
.
Then
I
heard
a
step
on
the
stairs
.
I
tremble
,
and
am
almost
beside
myself
;
sit
ready
to
bolt
,
timorous
,
watchful
,
full
of
fear
at
everything
,
and
excited
by
hunger
.
I
listen
nervously
,
just
hold
the
pencil
still
in
my
hand
,
and
listen
.
I
can
not
write
a
word
more
.
The
door
opens
and
the
pair
from
below
enter
.
Even
before
I
had
time
to
make
an
excuse
for
what
I
had
done
,
the
landlady
calls
out
,
as
if
struck
of
a
heap
with
amazement
:
"
Well
,
God
bless
and
save
us
,
if
he
is
n't
sitting
here
again
!
"
"
Excuse
me
,
"
I
said
,
and
I
would
have
added
more
,
but
got
no
farther
;
the
landlady
flung
open
the
door
,
as
far
as
it
would
go
,
and
shrieked
:
