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So
I
figure
what
happened
in
the
shower
room
that
afternoon
was
more
my
fault
than
anybody
else
's
.
And
that
's
why
the
only
way
I
could
make
any
kind
of
amends
was
by
doing
what
I
did
,
without
thinking
about
being
cagey
or
safe
or
what
would
happen
to
me
--
and
not
worrying
about
anything
else
for
once
but
the
thing
that
needed
to
be
done
and
the
doing
of
it
.
Just
after
we
left
the
latrine
the
three
black
boys
came
around
,
gathering
the
bunch
of
us
for
our
special
shower
.
The
least
black
boy
,
scrambling
along
the
baseboard
with
a
black
,
crooked
hand
cold
as
a
crowbar
,
prying
guys
loose
leaning
there
,
said
it
was
what
the
Big
Nurse
called
a
cautionary
cleansing
.
In
view
of
the
company
we
'd
had
on
our
trip
we
should
get
cleaned
before
we
spread
anything
through
the
rest
of
the
hospital
.
We
lined
up
nude
against
the
tile
,
and
here
one
black
boy
came
,
a
black
plastic
tube
in
his
hand
,
squirting
a
stinking
salve
thick
and
sticky
as
egg
white
.
In
the
hair
first
,
then
turn
around
an
'
bend
over
an
'
spread
your
cheeks
!
The
guys
complained
and
kidded
and
joked
about
it
,
trying
not
to
look
at
one
another
or
those
floating
slate
masks
working
down
the
line
behind
the
tubes
,
like
nightmare
faces
in
negative
,
sighting
down
soft
,
squeezy
nightmare
gunbarrels
.
They
kidded
the
black
boys
by
saying
things
like
"
He
,
Washington
,
what
do
you
fellas
do
for
fun
the
other
sixteen
hours
?
"
"
Hey
,
Williams
,
can
you
tell
me
what
I
had
for
breakfast
?
"
Everybody
laughed
.
The
black
boys
clenched
their
jaws
and
did
n't
answer
;
this
was
n't
the
way
things
used
to
be
before
that
damned
redhead
came
around
.
When
Fredrickson
spread
his
cheeks
there
was
such
a
sound
I
thought
the
least
black
boy
'd
be
blown
clear
off
his
feet
.
"
Hark
!
"
Harding
said
,
cupping
his
hand
to
his
ear
.
"
The
lovely
voice
of
an
angel
.
"
Everyone
was
roaring
,
laughing
and
kidding
one
another
,
until
the
black
boy
moved
on
and
stopped
in
front
of
the
next
man
,
and
the
room
was
suddenly
absolutely
quiet
.
The
next
man
was
George
.
And
in
that
one
second
,
with
the
laughing
and
kidding
and
complaining
stopped
,
with
Fredrickson
there
next
to
George
straightening
up
and
turning
around
and
a
big
black
boy
about
to
ask
George
to
lean
his
head
down
for
a
squirt
of
that
stinking
salve
--
right
at
that
time
all
of
us
had
a
good
idea
about
everything
that
was
going
to
happen
,
and
why
it
had
to
happen
,
and
why
we
'd
all
been
wrong
about
McMurphy
.
George
never
used
soap
when
he
showered
.
He
would
n't
even
let
somebody
hand
him
a
towel
to
dry
himself
with
.
The
black
boys
on
the
evening
shift
who
supervised
the
usual
Tuesday
and
Thursday
evening
showers
had
learned
it
was
easier
to
leave
it
go
like
this
,
and
they
did
n't
force
him
to
do
any
different
.
That
was
the
way
it
'd
been
for
a
long
time
.
All
the
black
boys
knew
it
.
