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I
was
out
of
time
,
and
I
was
fresh
out
of
bright
ideas
.
I
’
d
have
been
better
off
taking
her
aside
before
PT
.
Too
late
now
.
I
looked
at
Rita
and
said
the
same
bit
about
green
tea
I
had
before
.
Hey
,
that
didn
’
t
go
so
bad
this
time
,
I
thought
.
Maybe
she
’
s
not
going
to
-
oh
,
fuck
.
Tears
streamed
down
Rita
’
s
cheeks
and
dripped
from
the
point
of
her
chin
,
then
splashed
as
they
landed
in
the
palm
of
the
hand
I
held
out
to
catch
them
.
I
was
still
hot
from
exercising
,
but
the
tears
burned
like
20mm
slugs
.
My
heart
was
pounding
.
I
was
a
junior
high
school
student
asking
a
girl
to
the
dance
.
Not
even
battle
pumped
my
blood
pressure
this
much
.
Rita
clutched
the
bottom
of
my
shirt
,
squeezing
so
tight
the
tips
of
her
fingers
were
white
.
On
the
battlefield
I
could
see
every
move
coming
before
she
made
it
,
but
here
I
was
clueless
.
I
’
d
programmed
myself
to
dodge
a
thousand
Mimic
attacks
with
ease
,
but
what
good
was
my
OS
when
I
really
needed
it
?
My
mind
wandered
,
looking
for
an
out
.
I
wondered
if
my
shirt
was
sweaty
where
she
was
grabbing
it
.
The
last
time
,
I
had
stood
like
a
park
statue
until
Rita
regained
her
composure
and
spoke
.
Maybe
after
ten
more
trips
through
the
loop
this
would
all
be
routine
.
I
’
d
know
just
what
to
say
to
soothe
her
as
I
held
her
gently
against
my
shoulder
.
But
that
would
mean
reducing
my
interactions
with
the
one
and
only
person
in
the
world
who
understood
me
to
a
rote
performance
.
Something
told
me
it
was
better
to
just
stand
there
and
take
it
.
Yonabaru
was
gaping
at
us
like
a
tourist
in
a
zoo
gapes
at
a
bear
who
has
suddenly
stood
up
and
begun
to
waltz
.
At
least
I
’
d
finally
found
a
situation
that
would
shut
him
up
.
Ferrell
politely
averted
his
eyes
,
but
only
halfway
.
And
that
was
more
or
less
how
the
rest
of
the
platoon
behaved
.
Fuck
me
.
I
was
the
dancing
bear
.
Don
’
t
stare
.
Don
’
t
say
anything
.
Just
throw
your
money
in
the
can
and
move
along
.
What
was
it
you
were
supposed
to
do
when
you
were
nervous
-
picture
everyone
naked
?
No
,
that
was
for
speaking
in
public
.
In
training
they
taught
us
to
hold
ourselves
together
by
thinking
of
something
we
enjoyed
.
Something
that
made
you
happy
.
In
battle
,
this
would
probably
be
one
of
those
happy
things
to
think
back
on
,
so
why
was
it
so
nerve
-
racking
now
?
If
God
had
an
answer
,
He
wasn
’
t
talking
.
I
took
Rita
by
the
wrist
.
She
looked
lost
.
"
I
’
m
Keiji
Kiriya
.
"
