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Battle
159
.
I
dart
forward
,
my
Jacket
’
s
Doppler
set
to
max
.
I
spot
a
target
,
fire
,
duck
.
A
javelin
whizzes
past
my
head
.
"
Who
’
s
up
there
?
You
’
re
too
far
forward
!
You
wanna
get
yourself
killed
?
"
The
lieutenant
said
the
same
thing
every
time
.
I
wiped
sand
from
my
helmet
.
Thunder
erupted
from
the
shells
crisscrossing
the
sky
.
I
glanced
at
Ferrell
and
nodded
.
This
time
the
battle
would
end
.
If
I
stood
by
and
watched
as
Yonabaru
and
Ferrell
died
,
they
wouldn
’
t
be
coming
back
.
It
all
came
down
to
this
.
There
was
no
repeating
this
battle
.
The
fear
that
clawed
at
my
guts
wasn
’
t
fear
of
death
,
it
was
fear
of
the
unknown
.
I
wanted
to
throw
down
my
rifle
and
axe
and
find
a
bed
to
hide
under
.
A
normal
reaction
-
the
world
wasn
’
t
meant
to
repeat
itself
.
I
grinned
in
spite
of
the
butterflies
in
my
stomach
.
I
was
struggling
with
the
same
fear
everyone
struggles
with
.
I
was
putting
my
life
-
the
only
one
I
had
-
on
the
line
.
"
You
’
re
not
actually
caught
in
a
time
loop
,
"
Rita
had
explained
to
me
.
My
experiences
of
the
158
previous
battles
were
real
;
it
was
me
who
didn
’
t
really
exist
.
Whoever
it
was
that
had
been
there
for
the
excruciating
pain
,
hopelessness
,
and
the
hot
piss
in
his
Jacket
,
he
was
only
a
shattered
memory
now
.
Rita
told
me
that
from
the
point
of
view
of
the
person
with
the
memory
,
there
was
no
difference
between
having
had
an
actual
experience
and
only
having
the
memory
of
it
.
Sounded
like
philosophical
bullshit
to
me
.
Rita
didn
’
t
seem
to
understand
it
all
that
well
either
.
I
remember
reading
a
comic
,
back
when
I
still
read
comics
,
about
a
guy
who
used
a
time
machine
to
change
the
past
.
It
seemed
to
me
that
if
the
past
changed
,
then
the
guy
from
the
future
who
went
back
in
time
to
change
it
should
have
disappeared
-
like
the
guy
in
those
old
Back
to
the
Future
movies
-
but
the
comic
glossed
over
those
details
.