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I
pretended
to
follow
the
platoon
leader
’
s
orders
.
I
don
’
t
care
how
many
lives
you
have
,
if
you
followed
the
orders
of
every
officer
fresh
from
the
academy
,
you
’
d
end
up
getting
bored
of
dying
.
Thunder
erupted
from
the
shells
crisscrossing
the
sky
.
I
wiped
sand
from
my
helmet
.
I
glanced
at
Ferrell
and
nodded
.
It
only
took
an
instant
for
him
to
realize
the
suppressing
fire
I
’
d
just
laid
down
had
thwarted
an
enemy
ambush
.
Somewhere
deep
in
Ferrell
’
s
gut
,
his
instincts
were
telling
him
that
this
recruit
named
Keiji
Kiriya
,
who
’
d
never
set
foot
in
battle
in
his
life
,
was
a
soldier
he
could
use
.
He
was
able
to
see
past
the
recklessness
of
what
I
’
d
just
done
.
It
was
that
sort
of
adaptability
that
had
kept
him
alive
for
twenty
years
.
To
be
honest
,
Ferrell
was
the
only
man
in
the
platoon
I
could
use
.
The
other
soldiers
had
only
seen
two
or
three
battles
at
most
.
Even
the
ones
who
’
d
survived
in
the
past
hadn
’
t
ever
gotten
killed
.
You
can
’
t
learn
from
your
mistakes
when
they
kill
you
.
These
greenhorns
didn
’
t
know
what
it
was
to
walk
the
razor
’
s
edge
between
life
and
death
.
They
didn
’
t
know
that
the
line
dividing
the
two
,
the
borderland
piled
high
with
corpses
,
was
the
easiest
place
to
survive
.
The
fear
that
permeated
every
fiber
of
my
being
was
relentless
,
it
was
cruel
,
and
it
was
my
best
hope
for
getting
through
this
.
That
was
the
only
way
to
fight
the
Mimics
.
I
didn
’
t
know
shit
about
any
other
wars
,
and
frankly
,
I
didn
’
t
care
to
.
My
enemy
was
humanity
’
s
enemy
.
The
rest
didn
’
t
matter
.
The
fear
never
left
me
.
My
body
trembled
with
it
.
When
I
sensed
the
presence
of
an
enemy
just
outside
my
field
of
vision
,
I
could
feel
it
crawling
along
my
spine
.
Who
had
told
me
that
fear
had
a
way
of
seeping
into
your
body
?
Had
it
been
the
platoon
leader
?
Or
was
it
Ferrell
?
Maybe
it
was
something
I
’
d
heard
during
training
.
But
even
as
the
fear
racks
my
body
,
it
soothes
me
,
comforts
me
.
Soldiers
who
get
washed
away
in
a
rush
of
adrenaline
don
’
t
survive
.
In
war
,
fear
is
the
woman
your
mother
warned
you
about
.
You
knew
she
was
no
good
for
you
,
but
you
couldn
’
t
shake
her
.
You
had
to
find
a
way
to
get
along
,
because
she
wasn
’
t
going
anywhere
.
The
17th
Company
of
the
3rd
Battalion
,
12th
Regiment
,
301st
Armored
Infantry
Division
was
cannon
fodder
.
If
the
frontal
assault
succeeded
,
the
Mimics
fleeing
the
siege
would
wash
over
us
like
a
torrent
of
water
surging
through
a
dry
gully
.
If
it
failed
,
we
’
d
be
a
lone
platoon
in
the
middle
of
a
sea
of
hostiles
.
Either
way
our
odds
of
survival
were
slim
.
The
platoon
commander
knew
it
,
and
Sergeant
Ferrell
knew
it
.
The
whole
company
was
pieced
together
from
soldiers
who
’
d
survived
the
slaughter
at
Okinawa
.
Who
better
to
give
this
shit
assignment
to
?
In
an
operation
involving
twenty
-
five
thousand
Jackets
,
if
a
lone
company
of
146
men
got
wiped
out
,
it
wouldn
’
t
even
rate
a
memo
on
the
desk
of
the
brass
in
the
Defense
Ministry
.
We
were
the
sacrificial
lambs
whose
blood
greased
the
wheels
of
war
’
s
machinery
.
Of
course
,
there
were
only
three
kinds
of
battle
to
begin
with
:
fucked
up
,
seriously
fucked
up
,
and
fucked
up
beyond
all
recognition
.
No
use
panicking
about
it
.
There
’
d
be
plenty
of
chaos
to
go
around
.
Same
Jackets
.
Same
enemy
.
Same
buddies
.
Same
me
,
same
muscles
that
weren
’
t
ready
for
what
I
was
asking
of
them
screaming
in
protest
.
